Entertainment: Critical

Short Story: Bill 342 (aka Vice President Temp Job)

2009-12-28T22:34:00.002-05:00

A brief return to an old blog for the purposes of publishing a short story. Please enjoy!

Bill 342

How Thomas Jacobs became the youngest President in American history, one approaching 30, was not by hook or crook, or the destruction of the U.S. Constitution (though Thomas’s father certainly thought the Constitution was ruled invalid with Thomas’s ascension into the Presidency, well, he would have thought that had he been alive to see that day. Besides he would have no one to blame but himself anyways). No, young Thomas Jacobs became the 52nd President of the United States (in a nice twist of fate, as 52 is an inversion of his age) by the way of a heart attack. You see, Thomas Jacobs’ father was David Jacobs, the 51st president (51 was not an inversion of his age) and Bill 342, a law Congress passed, the elder Jacobs vetoed, and Congress pushed through anyways.

Bill 342, or as it was colloquially known “The Vice Presidential Temp Bill,” was basically what its nickname described it as. In the case where the Vice President spot in the one-two punch at the top of government is empty, the President can appoint anyone who fulfills the Constitutional guidelines to be Vice President. Of course, this appointment needs to be approved by Congress. Checks and balances and all of that. It is all in the 25th Amendment. Congress, in their infinite wisdom, decided that due to partisan bickering, the appointment of a Vice President might take more than an hour and decided to fix that. Not by solving their party differences and agreeing that in the chance a Veep needed to be confirmed to do it quickly, no, they decided to draft and put to vote Bill 342.

Bill 342, at its core, said that a President can name a temporary Vice President once during his term. The temp would only last 90 days, surely more than enough time for pork barrel politics to be fried on the pan of democracy. In order to further highlight how unique this proposal was and how it was meant only to be a stopgate, the bill included the provision saying that the temp VP did not even have to meet any of the requirements a “real” Vice President would have to. In the time of emergency, when a VP needed to be named immediately (as was Congress’s motivation for coming up with the bill), the man in charge of the tie-breaking vote in the Senate need not be American, could have flown in on the latest flight from Amsterdam where they have lived for the past 14 years, or barely have started puberty. On that last point, Thomas found himself in the crosshairs (though rest assured, puberty was long behind the young Jacobs).

The 51st President, David Jacobs, was furious at the Legislative for passing such a bill. A staunch Constitutionalist, 51st President Jacobs stared in horror at the bill when it was placed on his desk. As the big black X beckoned his signature, Jacobs thought of all the nasty things he could sign instead of his name. But that would not be presidential, not at all. And if there was something he liked more than being a staunch Constitutionalist, it was being presidential. So instead of signing the bill with regards to a few Congressmen’s mothers, 51st President Jacobs instead vetoed. He set his presidential office, his Chief of Staff, his deputy, his Communication Director, her deputy, his wolfpack, as he thought of them, upon the House and the Senate to make sure they would not overturn his veto. They overturned his veto. In fact, the bill gained more supporters the second go round, mainly because it was an election year, and the bill was framed as a safety measure. Why would anyone oppose a safety measure? That is, unless they read the fine print.

To say that 51st President Jacobs was boiling with Constitutional rage after that development would be an understatement. To say he was fuming would also be an understatement. He had reached the triple point of rage, where it could exist as a gas, solid, and liquid with the slightest poke. He begged the Supreme Court to rule the new guideline unconstitutional, but they refused. For while they agreed it was a pretty cut and dry case they could not do anything until it was brought up in the court of law as being illegal. That could only happen if the President actually appointed a Vice President by the use of Bill 342.

At this point in the story, it would be appropriate to bring up the fact that 51st President Jacobs did not have a Vice President to call his own when the bill was passed. The departure of his previous VP via the slip and fall down some icy steps left a piece of the ticket empty. Maybe Congress panicked and thought the ice was put there by an enemy of the state and that spurred the massive support of Bill 342 or they just didn’t like who 51st President Jacobs picked as his next Veep, but whatever the reason, the perfect situation that Bill 342 envisioned was present on the day of its birth.

So President David Jacobs, feeling like the only sane man in the Federal Triangle, decided to appoint his own son, Thomas, as the Vice President. Why not? It perfectly followed Bill 342, would get the ball rolling at the Department of Justice, and his son, while not interested in politics was a smart kid. The elder Jacobs knew Thomas had been by his side as David Jacobs went about being a lifelong politician, from governor of Florida, to Senator, to even a brief stint as mayor of a one road town in Southern Florida. Thomas had a good political head on his shoulder, through the very act of osmosis. Not that 51st President Jacobs was worried about Thomas having to do any politicking. He was sure that once Congress wiped the collective egg off their face for allowing such an eye-rolling appointment to be made without their approval, they would either hurry to pass another bill outlawing 342 or quite dragging their feet on Jacobs’ real pick for Vice President.

Surely, this would have happened had the stress of handling Bill 342 had not finally caught up to 51st President Jacobs the night he made his announcement of his son’s new role in the government to his inner circle. He wanted to hold off on a formal press conference till morning, imagining the Representatives and Senators waking up and eating their toast and nearly choking on their OJ as the President’s press secretary stood behind the podium, reading a prepared statement. Thomas Jacobs, visiting from graduate school in the Midwest, hesitantly said he would be at that press conference to smile at the cameras. While he stood behind his father’s decision, understanding fully both his dad’s reasoning and the impact of Bill 342, he was a scientist, not a politician. The last hand he had shook was encased in a plastic glove and the hand shaking only followed a transfer of chemicals. The little voice in Thomas’s head said that this situation could wildly fly out of control, but the scientist/politician-by-osmosis voice said this was a control test, in both the scientific and politician senses.

If the story ended there, well, it wouldn’t be much of a story now would it? Pretty boring. No, the story really begins when Thomas Jacobs was awoken at exactly 2:12 AM in the guest bedroom of the President Residence.

Now Movie Review Double Shot: "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and "Iron Man"

2008-05-11T21:54:00.004-04:00

Very rarely have I seen two movies in the theaters on two consecutive days. When I do, usually the second movie suffers if the first movie was an enjoyable flick. In the case of first seeing Forgetting Sarah Marshall and then Iron Man, this situation may have been in effect.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

I thoroughly enjoyed this comedy from producer Judd Apatow and written by and starring Jason Segal. Segal plays TV music composer Peter, who works on the same show his long time girlfriend Sarah Marshall, played by Miss It TV Kristen Bell. When Sarah dumps him, Peter has a long downward spiral to go. Eventually he lands in Hawaii, where he runs into Sarah and her new boyfriend, but he also finds love with his hotel's front desk staffer (who is apparently the only one working the front desk) Rachel, played by another TV gal, Mila Kunis.

Though the movie does play with some romantic comedy cliches, it is a movie typical of Apatow's involvement: somewhat naughty, but very sweet at its core. Segal plays a sadsack very well and you can't help but root for him. The movie does make some odd leaps as at times it tries to make Sarah sympathetic and Peter an ass, but in the end, it rights itself and keeps the laughs going. As always, the supporting players are excellent with Jonah Hill playing a waiter obsessed with Sarah's new boyfriend, British rocker Aldso Snow. Jack McBrayer plays yet another naive boyish man, similar to his Kenneth on 30 Rock. And Bill Hader plays Peter's stepbrother to hilarious degrees.

I would definitely recommend this movie
4 Cliff Jumps out of 5.

Iron Man

Iron Man, which has been getting knockout reviews and taking box office crowns all over the place, sadly did not live up to my personal expectations. Not to say the movie was bad, it was good, but I don't see it as being a top 5 movie. To me, it felt both dragging (Stark's inprisonment) and rushed (The Iron Monger's rise to villainy). There were some nagging plotholes (Stark was missing for 3 months, yet as soon as he freed himself, he was saved by his personal friend Jim Rhodes, along with the press conference at the end). It seemed all action, but there was very little action until the end. It was mostly Tony and his suit, which while awesome, didn't sustain as much as it wanted to.

However, the acting of the movie was good and lighthearted, as superhero movies need to be. Robert Downey Jr. embodied Tony Stark, Gwyneth Paltrow had a nice charm as Pepper Pots, Stark's assistant, Terrance Howard played Jim Rhodes well, and Jeff Bridges, as Obidiah Stane, chewed the scenery well. Though it seemed at times the movie was spinning its wheels (or robotic arms as the case may be), the actors seemed to be having fun and that made the audience feel the fun too.

I can't pinpoint exactly what I didn't like about the film besides listing some of the headscratching parts, and even that contradicts with itself. The best part of the movie didn't even happen during the movie proper, but after the credits. But after the meaty stories of X-Men 2, Spider-Man 2 and Batman Begins, Iron Man seemed all thrust, no landing.

3 Comic In-jokes out of 5.

Classic Movie Review: "The Producers"

2008-04-18T09:46:00.002-04:00

I am going to review the original The Producers, not the reinvented, musical The Producers that came out a few years ago. Why? Because the 1960s "Producers" is deemed a classic. The Matthew Broderick-Nathan Lane one? Not so much.

Of course, The Producers plot is now a familiar one: failing play producer Max Bialystock hooks up with neurotic accountant Leo Bloom to produce the world's largest flop. Because, naturally, a flop earns more money than a hit, if you tweak the books enough. A script sent from Heaven (or maybe Hell) falls into their hands, called Springtime for Hitler. It is written by a former German soldier and portends to tell the secret, nicer side of Hitler. Bialystock and Bloom turn it into a musical, with Hitler being played by a Hippie with the non-coincidental initials L.S.D. Of course, the play turns out to be a hit, because the audience views it as a comedy, not a serious endeavor.

The Producers was Mel Brooks first major movie. It is a little rough around the edges and there aren't really any punchlines, as many of the jokes come from reactions or actions. As such, we get a constant cycle of character reinforcements: Bialystock is a blowhard, Bloom is neurotic, the German writer is crazy, etc. It is funny, no doubt, but not hilarious. However, although the plot and ending are well known, the movie still entertains. Brooks gets a lot of kudos for this film and while it isn't his best (Blazing Saddles has to have that honor for combining humor and an excellent plot), it is definitely in his top 5. His later films (Spaceballs for example) are hilarious but not very meaty. The Producers is meaty but not that hilarious.

For fans of classic comedy, this movie is a definite must see. I want to point out that the reason why it might not be all that funny isn't because it doesn't age well (it does), but rather because of the points I made above. I guess I have to see the new edition of The Producers and see how much worse (or better) it is than the classic edition.

3 Little Old Ladies out of 5.

New Movie Review: "21"

2008-04-05T10:01:00.002-04:00

The list of movies dealing with card games is long. The list of good movies that deal with card games is significantly lower. The movie 21 will not find itself on the latter list, but it is somewhat entertaining and isn't too boring (though it is never too exciting either, as it follows cliche after cliche).

The story, which is more inspired by than based upon the nonfiction book "Bringing Down the House," follows Ben (Jim Sturgess, Jude from Across the Universe) as an MIT student needing to pay for Harvard Medical School. Appling for a scholarship, the man in charge says Ben needs to dazzle, jump off the page, to get a free ride. Of course, that suggestion eventually leads to Ben's decision to join up with Professor Rosa (Kevin Spacey) and his group of students, one of which is Kate Bosworth, as they try to count cards in blackjack. I say eventually because there are two or three scenes after Rosa approaches Ben where Ben completely shuts him down. It isn't new territory to say the least when a main character denies, denies, denies, then accepts somewhat out of the blue, or after a lackluster motivational plot comes up (in this case, in the form of a check Ben's mom gives him to pay for tuition).

From there, the movie picks up, as we are introduced to another character: Vegas. Vegas becomes Ben's focal point, abandoning his two best friends and becoming the place where he says "he can become anybody." It is quite funny for him to say that, and for the other members of the group to sometimes adapt disguises to hide themselves, but Jim Sturgess never dons one until the end. Even Kate Bosworth gets in some hideous wigs and accents. Talking about accents, Sturgess's Boston accents comes and goes with hilarious effect. It is quite interesting to see after remembering his British accent in Across the Universe. Sturgess is from the UK.

Back to the plot: once it kicks in, everything you come to expect happens. Sturgess because a great card counter, invoking jealousy in one other counter, he eventually gets caught by a security guy played by Lawrence Fishbourne, Ben abandons his friends back home and starts to lose, falls out with Spacey, etc. I won't spoil the ending, but chances are, you already know it.

Despite all that, the movie is okay. Nothing too great, but nothing mind numbing. It is interesting to see card ocunting portrayed on the big screen and the system that was used comes to life quite well. Spacey plays the ambigious bad guy well (his Luthor should be as teeming with nefarious intentions under the skin as Rosa). But, in the end, the movie shows there is nothing knew under the sun and it really should have tried to take some more risks and hit on the soft 17.

2 1/2 Hand Signals out of 5.

Lost to be Canceled!

2008-04-01T14:54:00.003-04:00

ABC quietly announced today that the hit series Lost will not have a fifth and sixth season as originally planned due to plummeting ratings. It was hoped that the move to Thursdays would help boost the faltering series, but the last three episodes before the strike-imposed break have been the lowest rated original runs in the show's history.

Lost was a huge hit when it debuted in 2004. Along with Grey's Anatomy, it helped lead ABC to the front of the ratings pack. However, after 3 and 1/2 seasons of mysteries inside of mysteries, many viewers have been left confused and subsequently, left the show. Stephen McPherson, head of ABC entertainment, had this to say, "We here at ABC love Lost, however, it is quite clear that America is no longer in love with Smokey, Jacob, and The Island. We have no choice but to pull the plug before things get too confusing. We are going to replace Lost in the short term with the new reality show Whose Eyes are Closer Together?"

Executive producer Damon Lindelof released a statement of his own: "I really enjoyed working on Lost. It has opened so many doors for me. I am now able to translate my fan fiction about Star Trek into a movie (coming out Summer 09). I never had some much fun throwing darts and writing scripts based off the position of the landing." Original creator J.J. Abrams could not be reached for comment, as he was too busy creating another show that he would leave after year two.

It was reported that upon hearing the news of the cancellation, the cast of the show, which included Matthew Fox and Terry O'Quinn, went to a local bar. The Hawaii Police is currently complaining of overcrowding of the local jail cells as the party dispersed. Jorge Garcia, who plays lovable Hurley, was not at the party, as he had already landed a role in the new Martin Scorsese picture and was in L.A. for a screentest with Leonardo DiCaprio. He is already an early favorite for the Oscars next year.

One cast member probably hit hardest by the news is Harold Perrineau. Perrineau just recently returned to the show originally leaving after Season 2. At the time, it was reported that Perrineau wanted more money. Now left with only a few episodes of work, the man who plays Michael Dawson was heard to be asking if any cities still have the need for a town cryer, hoping to parlay his skill at yelling out names into a new career. Evangeline Lilly, who plays Kate, was also seen talking on the phone about what her next career move would be: falling-from-grace starlet or another role as a corpse in a Stephen King miniseries.

As far as what is behind all the mysteries and enigmas of the show? Lindelof said this: "A wizard did it."

-Reporting by Adam Entertainment

New Gnarls Barkley Video

2008-03-02T11:02:00.002-05:00

Holy crap, a post about music!

I am a fan of Gnarls Barkley, the duo that did "Crazy" and "Smiley Faces." I actually saw them in concert and they are as devoted to being both silly and serious as they come. Their first album, St. Elsewhere, was brillant, and their new one, continuing the theme of titles taken from TV Shows, The Odd Couple, is due out April 8th.

Here is their newest single, "Run". Warning, they do have some effects that may cause dizziness. Also, Justin Timberlake!

New Movie Review: "Semi-Pro"

2008-03-02T09:47:00.004-05:00

Will Ferrell, in a sports movie? Haven't we seen this before, at least a thousand times? Yes. Haven't we seen Will Ferrell play the guy with the way healthy ego a bunch of times too? Yes.

But Semi-Pro is a bit different from what has come before. It isn't as off the wall absurb as Talledega Nights or Blades of Glory. It doesn't focus solely on Will Ferrell's character, Jackie Moon, as the ads would have you think. Rather, there is significant screentime for Woody Harrelson's Monix and Andre Benjamin's (Andre 3000 from the group Outkast) Coffee Black.

The movie is typical sports movie fare: Ferrell owns the ABA team The Flint Tropics. The ABA was another basketball league that popped up in the 70s. It was eventually merged into the NBA. Here, Ferrell's Moon is a proud man who doesn't want to lose his team in the merger (only 4 teams with cross over to the NBA. The Tropics suck so badly, they are in last place and barely draw anyone). Moon makes a deal that the top 4 teams should be merged and then he works towards improving his team by trading for the former NBA player Monix. Moon isn't much of anything, except for a great promoter (one who doesn't like to give out the 10,000 dollars someone wins for making a cross court foul shot or giving everyone a free corndog for scoring over 125 points).

Since the focus is spread around, the typical Ferrell character fall doesn't happen. Moon does hit rock bottom at one point, but it isn't a loud fall like in Ferrell's other movies. Moon, unlike Ricky Bobby et al., actually cares about other people exemplified by his motto: "Everybody Love Everybody." It was refreshing to see a Will Ferrell movie not a cookiecutter "remake" of his other movies.

Alongside Harrelson and Benjamin, the film has a great cast including Will Arnett (Arrested Development) and Maura Tierny (ER). Arnett shines as the surly play-by-play announcer, often with a scotch and a smoke in his hand. Even Oscar nominated actor Jackie Earle Haley shows up in an extended cameo. As per usual, a comedy is only as good as the supporting cast.

While the commercials for Semi-Pro aren't doing the movie any favors (focusing solely on Ferrell, revealing some of the funnier jokes), the film is an entertaining way to kill some time.

3 Escaped Bears out of 5

Thoughts on The Oscars as it Unfolded!

2008-02-25T15:51:00.003-05:00

Somewhere in between a live blog and a recap comes my Oscar review!

8:30 - Here we go! The opening bit with characters/props from a score of movies is similar to last years.

8:32 - Here's Jon-ny! No filmed opening bit for him?

8:33 - Heh, knew Jon was going to talk about the strike initially.

8:33 - Yearly calling out of nominees.

8:36 - Atonement = Yom Kippur?

8:41 - Good opening nut seems like JS remembered the criticism of his last time hosting and brought up the political guns.

8:44 - Did we really needs to see Babs?

8:47 - Yay. A montage. Those are always...something...

8:52 - Steve Carell makes fun of Stewart. Excellent.

8:54 - Ratattouille wins! Rat-a-cal.

8:59 - Stewart does a good job presenting the first Best Song and Amy Adams runs with it.

9:06 - Finally, Dwayne Johnson (nee The Rock) has come back to the Oscars!

9:10 - Cate Blanchett always looks so regal. I guess that's why she has played Queen Elizabeth twice.

9:11 - I like Johnny Depp with glasses.

9:15 - Could Jennifer Hudson be anymore wooden?

9:18 - Javier Bardem wins Best Supporting Actor. No surprise.

9:23 - Nice spoof of montages by Stewart.

9:31 - Jerry Seinfeld shows up as Barry from Bee Movie. Would have been funnier if it wasn't animated.

9:38 - In a minor upset, Tilda Swinton wins Best Supporting Actress. I liked her in Constantine.

9:44 - Eye candy alert when Jessica Alba shows up. They always seem to pick a geek guy's fantasy for the Tech Awards. Who else but The Invisible Woman. By the way, I didn't notice that Alba was pregnant.

9:47 - Josh Brolin apologizes to Jack Nicholson for a bad impersonation. Hah!

9:48 - Coens win for No Country. I liked Fargo, so I might have to see No Country.

9:52 - As others have said, what does Miley Cyrus have to do with movies?

10:02 - Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill pretend to be Halle Berry and Judi Dench to great effect.

10:08 - Time for a big award: Best Actress.

10:13 - The actress from La Vie en Rose wins, which isn't surprising considering she won some previous awards (it wasn't totally out of left field). EW did hypothesize that the cancellation of the Golden Globes might have hurt her chances because she was out there in public for the voters to see. A weird reasoning.

10:18 - Jon Stewart plays the Wii?

10:22 - Jack does Jack and mumbles his was through his lines.

10:23 - Oh, this will actually be a nice montage: all the Best Pics.

10:28 - Renee Zwelleger does have an ugly mug.

10:34 - Honorary Oscars are a nice, but somewhat boring, portion of the show.

10: 57 - Jon Stewart very nicely allows for the woman from "Once" to complete her speech.

11:01 - Obligatory "In Memory" portion.

11:08 - 2 out of the 3 score examples were from Spielberg/Williams collaborations. Naturally.

11:12 - Cool gesture with the soldiers from Baghdad presenting the Short Doc Award.

11:24 - Could Harrison Ford seem anymore bored?

11:25 - Hooray! Diablo Cody wins for Best Original Screenplay. She deserves it based solely on it being her first script and seeming very polished.

11:30 - Lead Actor time. Daniel Day Lewis gets ready...and he wins.

11:43 - The Coens take the Oscar for Directing No Country. And it creeps up my Netflix list.

11:44 - Right to Best Motion Picture.

11:45 - Much like The Departed last year, No Country is now a Must See for me as it wins.

Not too exciting of a night. I think Stewart did a fine job hosting, but it seemed like the small amount of time the writers strike allowed him write hurt. He wasn't as biting as he was last time, which some people criticized him for in 2006, but I like that part of his act. As for the awards themselves, I wasn't too invested in any movies this year, so it was hard to get too worked up about.

Hopefully, next year is better!

Oscar Predictions

2008-02-22T14:10:00.003-05:00

Sadly, I don't think I will be doing any Oscar predictions this year. I am not enthused by the selection and the only picture I saw that has a lot of noms is Juno and I thought that was a good, but not great movie.

I will still try to live-blog the awards show though. Hopefully, Jon Stewart rocks again!

Conan vs. Colbert vs. Stewart

2008-02-05T14:50:00.000-05:00

The writers strike has made for some interesting bedfellows, especially on late night programming, which has to churn out a daily show (no pun intended) without writers. Conan O'Brien seems to have embraced his absurd side and has had some weird time fillers. Recently, he, Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart has been staging a mock feud over who popularized Republican candidate for the White House Mike Huckabee.

Well, recently, it all came to a boil.

Light at the end of the tunnel?

2008-02-03T09:27:00.000-05:00

The writers' strike may be over next week.

I certainly hope it ends soon. If it ends by next week, many shows will be able to produce a few more episodes before the usual end of the TV season.

New Movie Review: "Cloverfield"

2008-01-27T14:30:00.000-05:00

Terrible. That's a word I heard repeatedly from an older couple as the crowd left the theater after watching the J.J. Abrams produced Cloverfield. It was then that it hit me: Cloverfield is really a movie for a newer generation, a different mindset. The monster movie, which has the gimmick of being "shot" entirely by one single camera, one that you and I may have, really plays with pre-existing ideas and cliches. It has simplistic plot (unknown monster attacks NYC), but the movie isn't about why things are happening, just that they are happening.

Let me stop here for a moment and talk about the gimmick. Although shot similarly to The Blair Witch Project, it isn't presented as "documentarily" as TWB was. The characters are halfway between the Hollywood stereotype often seen and the "real" people of TWB. There are jump cuts and rocking of the camera, skipping over some action, etc. It is stylized is such a way that it is indeed a blend of big budget Hollywood SFX and Blair Witch-inspired realness.

As to see why this film is both so out there, yet so riveting, one should examine what Cloverfield is not. It isn't a Hollywood movie, with big names (Lizzy Caplan, who was last seen on the one season show The Class is probably the biggest name). It isn't a typical monster movie, with shots of the monster crossing the New York skyline. There were many more shots of the monster than I expected, but the concept of the movie is that we see it through the eyes of the survivors, not from some omnipresent source. We don't get a backstory to the creation of the monster. The movie was written by Drew Goddard, who also wrote for Buffy the Vampire Slayer and currently is involved in Lost. Much like those shows, the extraordinary is only used as background for illuminating the ordinary.

And I think that is where the older couple, and perhaps the older generation as a whole, might miss the boat with this movie. On the surface, this movie is full of cliches. Longtime friends have feelings for each other, but have a big fight and separate the night of the attack. This causes the man, Rob, to chase after the girl, Beth, out of love through the disaster. There is the wisecracking sidekick, the dutiful brother, all the typical group dynamic cliches. There are deathbed conversations that last longer than they should. People survive one big tragedy, only to be taken away in another one. A lot of cliches, no?

But anyone who has seen BtVS or Lost knows that there is a newer generation of geeks that love to mess with conventions. Look at Abrams' other big projects: Alias (which combined spy genre with sci-fi elements) and Mission Impossible 3 (which had a plot device that Abrams repeatedly teased the viwer with that he never revealed). I truly believe that the intention of this movie was to send up those monster movie cliches. That is why it was filmed as being real. Abrams and company were sticking the trappings and sometimes stitled dialogue into real people as if to say "See this? This is believable? Yet, we've all been watching these sorts of movies for decades." If Abrams intends to turn Cloverfield into a franchise, then this movie is the perfect palate cleanser for a newer monster movie. Abrams combined the old with the new.

The movie is a brisk 90 minutes, with about the first 10 or 15 mood setting, as a party is thrown for the main character, Rob. It sets up the characters well, as the walking cliches I mentioned before. My point about them being shoehorned into roles and being somewhat unlikable has been mentioned elsewhere. The movie does capture the terror of being in a dangerous situation that is completely out of one's control, as I felt pangs of fear where the military finally showed up. The movie is rated PG-13, so it isn't as gory as I thought it would be either, which made it more easy to watch.

Taken at face value, the movie is okay, maybe even terrible, as the older couple put it. But much like The Blair Witch Project and Adaptation, movies that you needed to know a little about before you went in and be able to take a step back and realize what is going on, it is a great movie. It is scary without being horrifying, it is funny without being obvious, and it is excellent filmmaking.

4 1/2 Dudes out of 5.

Oscar Nominations

2008-01-22T09:44:00.000-05:00

Oscar nominations can be found here.

Once again, I have seen only one of the multinominated-in-the-major-categories movies, Juno. I am surprised that it got nominated for Best Director, as many were saying Jason Reitman would be passed over. I am disappointed that The Simpsons Movie didn't get a nod for Best Animated Film, especially since Surf's Up did get a spot. I mean, really, are we still that much in love with animated talking birds? Then again, I am a Simpsons fanboy, and I think Persepolis will win that award, considering it is more current (in timing and subject matter) than Ratattouile.

Anyways, who knows that form or shape the Oscars will take this year, with the Writers Strike? When we get closer to knowing if the show will go on, I will post my predictions

How to Deal With The Writers Strike

2008-01-17T12:26:00.000-05:00

It is something like Day 76 of the Writers Strike, which continues as an impasse between the WGA and the AMPTP (or whatever the studio acronym is), and the effects are being felt in TV Land. For all the shows you loved in the Fall, it looks like they won't be coming back in the Spring. There are some new shows this Spring that are begining to air now, but they too have a limited number of episodes filmed, less than what they would normally air. So what should one do to pass the time?

Well, there are some new/returning shows as I mentioned that seem to be worthwhile. The Sarah Connor Chronicles (9 PM on Fox) is off to a good start. You don't need to know The Terminator mythology to enjoy the show, though it helps. It stars someone from 300, someone from Heroes, and someone from Firefly so it is a geek's dream come true. There is also the returning Lost (two weeks to go!), now airing on Thursday at 9 PM on ABC. I am of two minds about Lost coming back. It has been like 9 months since the finale blew me away and I need my fix, but it is only coming back for 8 episodes instead of the scheduled 16. I think the fact that I can see Jack and company again will outweigh the brevity of this season.

On the movie front, Cloverfield comes out tomorrow. So far the reviews have been good for a movie that might have died ala Snakes on a Plane due to the Internet hype. Also coming up in May is Iron Man and in July, The Dark Knight, two superhero movies that will go for more pathos than punchouts. Also in May, Indy returns with Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Indiana Jones was a favorite series of mine growing up (despite me only seeing the last two of the original trilogy), so I am definitely looking forward to this film. Advance word says that Harrison Ford is not showing his age and is still an action star.

On the book front, well, I am not too up to speed on that. I haven't found the time to look over any new novels, still haven't finished the two books I started over the summer. But, of course, if you want to completely rid yourself of Hollywood, book reading is the way to go.

While the situation looks bleak, as the writers and studios butt heads over and over again, there are still some rays of hope out there. But those rays will get snuffed out the longer the strike goes.

New Movie Review: "Walk Hard"

2008-01-03T21:27:00.000-05:00

Sometimes a serious genre needs to be taken down a peg or two. The Judd Apatow produced and written (but not directed) movie Walk Hard parodies the recent glut of musical biopics, in particular, Walk the Line about Johnny Cash and Ray, about Ray Charles. All the cliches are here: the troubled childhood, the descent into drugs, the rebirth, etc. The lead character of Dewey Cox is played affably by John C. Reilly, who has seemed to take a recent turn into comedy.

As typical with an Apatow movie, the real treasure is the supporting cast. It seemed like just about every person who has appeared in a movie with Apatow involved, or has known someone in an Apatow movie shows up: Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill and Jane Lynch are frequent Apatow collaborators. The newcomers include Jenna Fischer as Dewey's second wife in a role not unsimilar from her role in Blades of Glory: the innocent girl turned into a funny sexpot. Dewey's back up band is made up of solid comedic actors Tim Meadows and Chris Parnell from SAturday Night Live and Matt Bresser from Upright Citizens Brigade. And as I mentioned, there are many cameoes, from people as diverse as Frankie Muniz to Ghostface Killah. It was a real treat to see them pop up.

The movie is mostly funny, even if the jokes aren't 100% on. I found myself laughing not at the jokes themselves at times, but their setup and execution. The music itself is pretty good and authentic sounding. Only a couple of songs are out and out silly, with most of the tunes sounding like what a real singer-songwriter would write with just a little comedic twist.

The best part of the whole movie, to me at least, is the appearance of the Beatles, with Paul Rudd being John Lennon, Jack Black being Paul McCartney, Justin Long as George Harrison and Jason Schwartzman as Ringo Starr. Justin Long is spot on as Harrison, as his inpersonation seems not parodic or over-the-top, but a real attempt to speak in George's voice. Rudd's Lennon is slightly over-the-top and more of an exaggeration than Long's George, but is pretty close to the original. Schwartzman's Starr is meh, as it is more like he is doing a Liverpudlian accent, and the less to say about Black's McCartney, the better. But the scene where Cox meets The Beatles in India is pure comedic gold in terms of both mocking and embracing the Fab Four. I enjoyed it.

While Walk Hard is not the funniest movie of the year but it is entertaining and a very well made spoof if you have seen the films that inspired it. It is hearting to see a parody movie done right, especially when such dreck as Meet The Spartans seem to embrace the million-miles-a-minute style of rapid spoofing. Although the box office returns do not reflect this next statement, I believe it is true: Walk Hard is on the level of Superbad and Knocked Up in terms of solid entertainment.

3 1/2 Cox puns out of 5

New Movie Review: "National Treasure: Book of Secrets"

2008-01-01T18:16:00.000-05:00

Are you ready for some adventuring, with a team of characters seeking some artifact? Well, if you can't wait till Indiana Jones 4 comes out, the sequel National Treasure: Book of Secrets is a suitable, if not stellar, substitute.

As in the first movie, Nic Cage, Jon Voigt, Diane Kruger, and Justin Bartha all seek a treasure tied to America's past for the sake of clearing the Gates' family name. Basically, NT:BoS is the first movie with different puzzles (solved more quickly), more diverse locales, and some extra big names, as Helen Mirren comes on as the matriarch of the Gates' clan and Ed Harris chews the scenery as the baddie. The stunts remain the same though and there is really nothing new. Not that the lack of innovation is a drawback, as the first movie pretty much embraced its own cheesiness, and the sequel follows suit.

The plot revolves around clearing an ancestor Gates' name as it is tied to the Lincoln assassination. This allows for a lot of American chest beating as Cage spouts off the accomplishments of Lincoln and how he united the country, etc. But again, it is done is such a cheesy way, it is entertaining. The Book of Secrets in the title doesn't make an appearance until the movie is 3/4 done and isn't really that key. It is used, however, to lay a plot down for the inevitable sequel.

There are some plot holes and some head scratching going on. The movie hinges on clearing the ancient Gates name, but we are shown in the first minutes that he was indeed innocent. It would have been better if we didn't know he was innocent until Cage confirmed it. But, it is an action movie, so plot holes and such are allowable. Is the movie worth a look? Sure, if you enjoyed the first one. It won't tax you, Nic Cage plays Nic Cage, and Bartha has some good comedic chops and timing. See it in theaters if just for the animated short before: Goofy sets up a home entertainment system.

3 Ciphers out of 5

New Movie Review: "Juno"

2007-12-29T14:20:00.000-05:00

Juno is the indie take on the subject that the mainstream comedy Knocked Up tackled over the summer: an unplanned pregnancy. While Knocked Up looked at from the standpoint of up and coming career woman and a slob, Juno rolls back the years and has a 16 year old and her crush/one-night fling getting preggers. And while the couple in Knocked Up decide to keep the baby, Juno (and Juno) takes a slightly different path, with the baby being put up for adoption.

The other main difference between the two movies is how the plot is framed. In Knocked Up, the movie focuses on both parents, played by Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl. There is also much supporting work done by the characters played by Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd. Juno. however, is singlely focused on Ellen Page and Juno, surprisingly. Yes, Michael Cera plays the crush, Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner the adoptive parents, and even J. Jonah Jameson, aka J.K. Simmons, is around as Juno's dad, but they seem like secondary characters to Juno. It was actually quite surprising to look back and see how little screen time a central character like Michael Cera's Bleaker gets. Now, it might be because of the running time of the movie (90) minutes, but the focus is squarely on Juno. The characters that probably get the most screen time are Simmons' and Allison Janney (CJ from The West Wing) as Juno's step-mom. Again, this is surprising as promos make it seem like Cera, Bateman, and Garner play larger roles.

The actors and actresses, in however long their appearance is, do a fine job though. As an indie film, there isn't a lot of outrageous stretching to do. Garner and Bateman do a fine job working with their desperate parents-to-be, each working with a different kind of desperation. Michael Cera doesn't get many lines, but his typical awkwardness and "realness" come through. Simmons and Janney play their roles well, as you can see that they love Juno, but aren't portrayed in the typical Hollywood way of a teenager's parent. They aren't loud, at times they are fed up and frustrated with Juno, yell at her, yet still support her. Of course, Ellen Page as Juno is the standout. The way she just bites back at everyone around her, is the typical outcast at ther school, yet isn't that out there rings likable, if not 100% true. You can tell that Page is totally immersed in her character, even if Page herself wasn't pregnant!

Juno is the rare movie where all the people on screen, I wanted to see. I am a fan of the entire main cast, in not only that I liked the characters they have played in the past, but the person themselves. It was a real motivation to see this movie. I can be a fan of an actor, but still not want to see a movie they are in. However, since Juno had a lot of those types of actors/actresses in it, I had a ton of goodwill towards the movie. I loved Cera and Bateman in Arrested Development (and I was hoping for a scene with them together, but alas, I knew that wasn't gonig to happen going in). I loved Garner in Alias. Simmons was in the Spidey movies as I mentioned before and I enjoyed Janney's portrayal of CJ from TWW. Collectively, I was sold.

And the person behind the camera motivated me too. Jason Reitman, son of Ivan, previously directed Thank You For Smoking which was a whip-smart film. Although not as frantic as that film, Reitman deftly navigates the world of Juno. Indie films are sometimes hard to watch, as they try to be pretentious or artsy, but Reitman never goes down that route.

To top it all off, Juno was written by first time screenwriter Diablo Cody. I read an interview with her in Entertainment Weekly, and boy, is she unique, in a fun way. Obviously, Diablo Cody isn't her real name and she has an interesting story to tell about how she chose it. But reading that interview and then seeing the movie, I can definitely see her worldview: slightly cynical, but in the end, warm, in an offbeat sorta way.

Juno is a definite must see in some form of media (in the theaters, on DVD, on cable) for those who love quirky films. It isn't anything ground breaking or award winning, but it is charming in its own way.

4 Hamburger Phones out of 5.

I'm Still Alive!

2007-12-27T22:22:00.000-05:00

Well, my computer decided to take a vacation and it only recently returned to me, after I had to bribe it with a new video card. As such, I haven't updated in a while. I have seen some new movies, including Alvin and The Chipmunks. That was a good movie for what it is: a movie aimed squarely at kids. It was slightly better than that other kiddie movie starring Jason Lee that I saw, Underdog.

So what's coming up? Well, with the Writers' Strike still continuing, not much on TV. Lost is coming back on January 31st (yay!) and I am going through Season 3 on DVD. As much as I did love the first 8 episodes that many cried foul against, I am itching to get to the back 16 and really ramp up the mythology. I am also watching Scrubs, Season 1 on DVD through Netflix.

On the movie front, I plan to see Juno this weekend, with the mini-Arrested Development reunion of Michael Cera and Jason Bateman. Also will see National Treasure: Book of Secrets on New Year's Eve Day and Walk Hard sometime soon. Of course, Cloverfield is coming up on the 18th of January, which will probably be the first horror movie I see in theaters since The Blair Witch Project, ironically.

So, in conclusion, I am not dead.

New Movie Review: "Bee Movie"

2007-11-27T18:45:00.000-05:00

Jerry Seinfeld conquered television with 9 years of his hit show Seinfeld. AftIn the ten years since the show went off the air, Seinfeld has layed relatively low, going back to stand-up. He makes his return to the spotlight in the animated movie with the deliciously punny title of Bee Movie.

Bee Movie is, predictably, about bees. They talk and work and have Jewish mannerisms. Seinfeld's bee avatar, Barry B. Benson, is the typical lead in an animated film, one who strikes against their established routine to explore something "new." In Barry's case, this is the human world, where he meets a florist voiced by Renee Zellweger. The two form an unlikely friendship/light romance. Eventually he discovers that humans eat the honey his fellow bees produce, sues the human race, winning, and causing the bees to stop producing honey because they now have all they need. Barry then needs to reverse this new status quo with a plan involving the Rose Bowl. The plot is typical animated fare, but the jokes are kid-like with a Seinfeldian twist.

Jerry gets his celebrity friends to pitch in and help sell the jokes. Chris Rock is a mosquito, Oprah Winfrey is a judge, Larry King plays a bee version of himself, and Ray Liotta plays, well, Ray Liotta. Puns fly at an enjoyable rate, and Jerry's enthusiasm sells about half the jokes. And unlike most other computer animated movies, there really isn't any need to scour the background for easter eggs as all the jokes are presented front and center. Watching it in a theater filled with both kids and their parents, there were periods where only the kids were laughing, periods were only the adults were laughing, and many periods where both groups laughed together.

Now in its third week of release, Bee Moviedebuted at number two, then reached the top of the box office, and is now currently residing in fifth place. What does that tell us? It tells us that this is a movie that has wide appeal, but may appear to be a "miss" to some. However, I highly recommend it if you are a fan of Jerry's or computer animated films.

4 Hivo versus TiVo debates out of 5.

New Movie Review: "Dan in Real Life"

2007-11-06T16:37:00.000-05:00

Steve Carell has made a name for himself playing naive, sometimes buffoonish, characters. His Michael Scott on the show The Office truly thinks everyone should be his friend. His character in The 40 Year-Old Virgin Andy just didn't want to think about sex. And Brick in Anchorman? Nevermind.

But Carell can also bring the pathos and portray the more realistic roles well. We saw it in Little Miss Sunshine, where Carell played a suicidal gay man. And in Dan in Real Life, he plays a quiet widower just trying to survive without getting too heavy handed. He doesn't overact, never bringing out the trademark Carell yell. When the plot has him falling in love with his brother's new girlfriend, when his mood shifts from puppy love to anger, it all seems natural.

The girlfriend Marie, played by Juliette Binoche, falls in love with Dan over his brother Mitch (played by Dane Cook). Their interplay, with Marie flirting back happily, doesn't seem forced and for awhile it seems like Marie is having a lot of fun while Dan is in misery about betraying his brother. Cook actually acts pretty well in this movie, playing a low-key guy who believes he is in love with Marie and is almost the tragic figure in the story. Except, of course, at the end, where there is some sort of vague ending about how he has moved on, but that ending doesn't spoil the entire movie.

The only drawback of the movie is Dan's three daughters. They are really more like roles than characters, as there is the older understanding one, the middle rebel, and the devoted youngest. The movie basically sets these characters up to first serve as a foil and then serve as signposts of Dan's downfall when the movie needs a climax. In fact, the middle child, with her rants against Dan is mostly annoying than cute.

Overall, this movie shows that Carell is a more than capable actor and he can carry his own as a leading man in a romantic comedy.

3 1/2 Carell Half-Smiles out of 5.

Retro Movie Review: "Hot Fuzz"

2007-10-21T18:53:00.000-04:00

Those crazy British. Since being defeated militarily by us Americans over 200 years ago, they have tried to reclaim this land by use of music and now by sending over the comedy team of Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg. Wright wrote and directed Pegg (who also wrote) in the film Shaun of the Dead, a pitch perfect sendup of zombie movies. Shaun was not a spoof, but a loving homage with some witty and subtle jokes. It also featured some fine British acting by Bill Nighy and Pegg and Nick Frost.

Hot Fuzz is their followup, with Wright directing and co-writing with Pegg, who stars, and like Shaun, it sends up a common film genre: shoot 'em up cop dramas/action movies. Pegg's character, as straightlaced as one can be, has to leave the London police force because he is too damn good and is making everyone else look bad. He arrives in Sandford, where predictably, he's the only one who holds the law in high regard. His partner (Frost) is little more than a bumbling sidekick, which first the cliche well. A serial killer arises, pushing Pegg's character to the brink, as he is the only one willing to see murder, and is forced into becoming the type of officer that Frost's character wants to be: an action star. The last half of the movie gleefully engages in all the action movie requirements, with guns blazing, buildings exploding and gratitous blood.

Wright's direction, with quick cuts and fast whiparounds is spot on as both inline with these sorts of movies. Yet these sorts of cuts being repeated ad nausem and what mundane scenes are edited that way illustrate the ludicrousness of short-attention span directing. There is a scene in the climatic battle where the camera does a 360 around Pegg and Frost, while the spout off lines and pump their guns. It is both hilarious and seemingly a normal gesture. Even the music swells in the right way to underscore and undercut the seriousness of the situation.

Simon Pegg's and Nick Frost's friendship and chemistry was the foundation of Shaun and it again carries well in this film. Although Pegg's character initially thinks very little of Frost, he is never condescening, but rather tolerate of his lesser-than-stellar partner. Eventually, as it always goes, the two become equals and kick some major butt. The movie is fast and furious with nods and references (I only really caught a Chinatown reference, but I am sure there is a lot more).

This movie is a definite see if you liked Shaun of the Dead even a little and is a must-see if you didn't see Shaun or didn't enjoy it. This is the perfect second chance to get in on this bandwagon. If you can't be won over by this movie or that one, then the British have failed again. But I would gladly welcome a monarchy again if we can get more movies from Wright, Pegg, and Frost.

4 1/2 Heavy Artillery out of 5.

Retro Movie Review: "Crash"

2007-10-16T21:13:00.000-04:00

Previously, I reviewed Brokeback Mountain, one of the early favorites to win a boatload of awards at the 2006 Academy Awards. I did not have a high opinion of that film, but how would the eventual winner of Best Picture Crash fair? Would it too be a disappointment, further proof that the 2005-2006 Oscar race was overblown?

Luckily, Crash is not a bad movie. While it is not a groundshaking, landmark film that some claimed Brokeback (though some did try to hoist that description onto this movie, labeling it a movie about racism), it was still entertaining. Almost surprisingly so. Most of the characters in the movie are caricatures. The black criminal spouts disparaging remarks about white people, the rich white woman is a bitch, et cetera, et cetera. And while most of these portrayals are unrealistic, most of them vibrate with quiet excellence.

Matt Dillion plays his racist cop with over-the-top aplomb for 3/4 of the movie, only to pull a believable reversal in the final quarter. Don Cheadle is the center of the movie, playing his detective close to the chest, never really showing any emotion either way until his arc is concluded. There are also solid performances by the like of Brendan Frasier, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Esposito, Terrance Howard (playing a man more than twice his age) and surprisingly, rapper Ludicrous. Most rap artists-turned-actors play larger than life characters in their first roles, but Luda's performance is more down to earth than that, even though he is playing the black criminal caricature I mentioned before.

The movie does have its faults though. Much like Magnolia, the movie suffers for being a character-driven story and sacrifices some real world ramifications for "growth". There is a lot of illegal activity or harmful acts that go on in Crash, for all sorts of people, but no one is ever punished. In fact, the one character who does get punished (he/she dies) could be seen as one of the hearts of the movie. But other than that, people shoot each other, assualt one another, and there are no reprecussions other than a possible guilty conscience. These sorts of movies make it hard for me to get totally into them: on the one hand, they are asking us to view the real world in a different light, but on the other, they substitute the real world for their fantasy world to prove their point.

All in all, Crash is an enjoyable movie if you view it as a exaggerated characters acting in the pseudo-real world. Did it deserve the Best Picture Oscar? Probably not. But it is still is a fine movie.

3 Crisscrossing Storylines out of 5

Retro Movie Review: "Brokeback Mountain"

2007-10-09T18:11:00.000-04:00

One of the most talked about movies in 2005, Brokeback Mountain tells the story of two ranchhands/rustlers who fall in love and struggle to be "normal" in a world that would frown upon their relationship. Brokeback became the punchline for 2005, with it's portrayal of gay cowboys and the line "I wish I knew how to quit you." It was held up as a quiet masterpiece and praised heavily. It was supposed to win the Best Picture Oscar (it lost to Crash). With time, how does the movie hold up? Was it worth the awards fever in the first place?

No. The film is very flimsy. The opening 45 minutes, which sets up the love story, is cliched at best. It exhibits all the well known themes a "Forbidden Love" plot will have. The picture never really shows Jack (Jake Gyllenhaal) and Ennis (Heath Ledger) falling in love with each, just them palling around, until they have to share a tent, and the suddenly the "Tension" is released. But there never feels to be any tension in the first place! Then, as they have to part ways at the end of that summer, of course Jack sees Ennis walk away in his rearview mirror, and of course Ennis has to find an alleyway to cry in. The rest of the movie unfolds as you expect: a push and pull between the two men and them trying to build a family life, but it crumbling around them.

Even the acting is average at best: Ledger's accent comes off all wrong, making him sound 10 years older than he should be. Gyllenhaal whines a bit too much. The supporting actresses, Michelle Williams and Anne Hathaway are clearly meant to be eye-candy, window dressing to the main characters and their characters add very little, except plot points. The movie wants to be a character study and a plot-driven film, but fails at both.

Brokeback Mountain is really just a "meh" movie. It tries to be artsy and well-made because of its subject matter, but it loses itself in its self-importance. There are periods in the movie where no dialogue is spoken, which doesn't work in a film like this. It just suffers from the hype that surrounds it and the thought that a film of this nature must be a good movie.

2 1/2 Jon Stewart Jokes out of 5

Those Other Thursday Night Shows

2007-10-05T14:34:00.001-04:00

I have trumpeted NBC's "The Office" before, in this blog post in particular, but there are currently two toher shows on NBC on Thursdays (along with Scrubs that will return in a few months) that warrant your viewership: "My Name is Earl" and "30 Rock".

"My Name is Earl" stars Jason Lee as a reformed criminal trying to make amends for his past misdeeds. It is currently in its third season, and more so than any other show, comedy or drama, it has certainly evolved from its first run. Originally, "Earl" was all about Earl's list of mistakes and him trying to correct those mistakes to right his karma. This continued into the second season, but the second season also largely included Earl trying to become a better man outside of his list. It also included more storylines that ran through the entire season. Now, Earl is in prison for admitting to a crime his ex-wife Joy (the recent Emmy winner Jamie Pressly) committed and the show has changed once again. Earl is still trying to cross of things from his list, but he is also helping out friends and trying to make the world a better place.

The supporting cast on "Earl" compliments Lee perfectly: Ethan Suplee, who is a friend of Lee in real life and his costar in Mallrats plays Randy, Earl's dimwit younger brother. There is Pressly as Joy and her husband, Crab Ma, played by Eddie Steeples. Nadine Velazquez rounds out the main cast as Catalina, Randy's former love interest and current wife (long story, see Season 2). Of course, they are a myriad of minor characters that populate Earl's world, much like how on "The Office" the secondary characters are as important as the main cast. "Earl" is funny and slapsticky at times, as it straddles the line between a one-camera show like "The Office" and the more farciful sitcom situations that Lucy used to tackle on "I Love Lucy." Of course, Lucy never robbed a one legged woman before.

"30 Rock" is the newer kid on the block, having premiered only last year. Yet, in its first season, it has won critical praise and the Emmy for "Best Comedy." Created by, written by, and starring Tina Fey, of SNL fame, this show is a hilarious love letter to the entertainment industry. In Fey's world, NBC is little more than subsidiary of a local clothing company, Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy can in charge of network and microwave programming, and the backstage antics of a comedy variety show are more hilarious than the actual show. "30 Rock" is a pop culture smörgåsbord, with references to Star Wars and classic TV shows alike. Last night, for example, the whole main plot revolved around Jerry Seinfeld being digitally inserted into NBC's ratings-challenged shows. And Seinfeld eventually shows up to defend his digital honor. As all this craziness unfolds in each episode, Tina Fey shines as the neurotic center of it all. For someone who worked mainly as one of the anchors on "Weekend Update" on SNL, Fey shows a remarkable talent to act.

Luckily for us, NBC is behind "Earl" and "30 Rock" much like how they are behind "The Office". All 3 shows aren't ratings juggernauts, often finishing behind other shows in their time slots. But Thursday night is a big night for all networks, and NBC knows they have found a niche with their quirky lineup. While NBC's Thursday nights seem different from what they had on ten years ago, with all these shows without laughtracks and bigger sets, their lineup is as strong comically as it ever was. In fact, I'd say there are more laughs packed into Thursday nights now then there ever was with "Seinfeld" and "Friends" airing on that night.

What's in the Pipeline?

2007-10-03T23:59:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to give a little heads up on what is coming up on my Netflix queue:

-Currently, I have Brokeback Mountain on my desk, waiting to be watched.

-Then, when I return that movie, Crash will be arriving soon after.

-After Crash, comes more lighter fare: Hot Fuzz.

Yes, I am catching up on Oscars 2006, plus what I have been repeatedly told is a funny movie in Hot Fuzz . You can expect a review of each movie as soon as I am done viewing them.

Retro Movie Review: "Broken Flowers"

2007-09-26T22:51:00.000-04:00

Remember comedian Bill Murray? You know, the guy who was on SNL, in Stripes and Ghostbusters? Yeah, he doesn't exist anymore. In his place, is a new Bill Murray: the quiet, solemn actor who picks roles that seem to have his character as a sadsack, lost in his own life. We saw it in Lost In Translation and we see it in the 2005 film Broken Flowers.

In Broken Flowers, Murray plays Don, who hates it when people call him Don Juan, but he is one: he loves girls, but he isn't flirty. He just seems to latch onto one or two, loves them for a short period of time, then he or they leave him. When his latest girlfriend leaves him, he can't even muster up the emotional heft to make it seem like he is affected by it. Of course, coinciding with his girlfriend leaving, he finds a letter, unsigned, saying he has a 19 year-old son from a previous relationship.

For about a quarter of the movie, Murray's character, speaking softly and often remaining still, debates with a more animated friend over whether or not to seek out the mother of his rumored son. Don does not know whether or not he actually has a son or who the mother may be (he dated some 5 women back then). Eventually, he drags himself to visit all five of them (one of them is dead). Of course, being a low-key, independent movie, things don't go so well (or so exciting). Much like Vincent Gallo's The Brown Bunny, there are long scenes of Murray just driving.

That's not to say the movie isn't good, it certainly has its moments and is well made. I am just a little bored of these character study roles that Murray has been taking lately. In fact, I am a little bored of most independent movies, with a big-name lead actor, taking the character study approach. About Schmidt is another good example of a big name (in that case, Jack Nicolson) just slogging through the movie. And typically, these movies never end on an up note, it has to end on a down note, cause that's how life is.

Anyways, the movie is fine for what it is, with some good performances by Sharon Stone (not being crazy!) and Tilda Swinton (actually looking normal for a change!). Nill Murray does a fine job in a what is basically another twist on his role in LiT.

2 1/2 Pink Flowers out of 5.

A Lost Discussion

2007-09-24T23:26:00.000-04:00

Oh boy, it has been a while! I recently wrote up a little dissertation about Lost on another website, so I thought I'd share it with you all. Whoever is still remaining that is.

I want to talk about why I like Lost. When Lost first premiered, I didn’t watch. I was somewhat interested in the show, but I had a class that ended at 8 PM, the timeslot that Lost first was run in. Since I didn’t want to rush home to watch a new show, I decided to take a wait and see approach to it. My parents watched the show, and every so often I would ask how they liked it. They seemed to enjoy it, and since we didn’t watch The West Wing together anymore, I decided that when Lost came out on DVD, I would make it our new family show.

So I requested Season 1 on DVD from Netflix when it came out. I get one disc at a time, so at first I got Disc 1 only. I watched all four episodes in one day and was entranced and enthralled. I quickly returned the disc and got Disc 2 a few days later. Well, I flew through those episodes and I knew I could not wait a few more days for Disc 3 and certainly couldn’t fathom not being able to watch Discs 4-6 as soon as I wanted to. So I dropped Disc 2 in the mailbox and immediately went over to Best Buy for the set. Of course, as I watch each season in real time, that agonizing wait between discs, which was only a few days, is now stretched to a week for each episode.

Why did I feel this urge? What draws me to Lost? I think the very nature of the show: it is a serial. I have watched other hour long dramas before (the aforementioned West Wing and The X-Files among others), but none of them felt like each episode lead into another. Even The X-Files, with its overarcing story and conspiracy still had the bulk of its episodes as “standalones”. Lost’s episodes, even ones that seems like filler, always have one or two plot points that continue to play out over the next few episodes. And sometimes these episodes that appear to be standalones at first glance, turn into important episodes later (the most recent, and famous, example, is the Hurley episode from this past season, Season 3. Hurley finds a VW Bus and repairs it, and everyone has a fun time in that episode. But it really didn’t seem to matter that much, until that VW was shown to play a role in Ben’s backstory and was turned into a weapon by Hurley himself in the season finale). So not only is Lost to me a watercooler show, one I can discuss with my family and friends, but it is truly a can’t miss one.

And it rewards the vigilant viewer. Names that are thrown out in one episode take on a different meaning later (Ethan Rom becomes Other Man, a clue to his story). Mittelos Biotech is an anagram for Lost Time. Characters appear and disappear, both the main characters (death is but a doorway in Lost) and minor characters. If you are OCD about something, and that something is Lost, you will be rewarded by Easter Eggs and little details. One can enjoy it on two levels: a purely on the surface level and an in-depth, casting light into shadowed corners one. The writers aren’t afraid to dirty up once pristine characters (Jack, Sun) or make characters both sympathetic and ambiguous (Locke, Sawyer). Their use of science fiction and fantasy serves the story and not the other way around (which is sometimes frustrating to some, as these elements may appear from nowhere and not make sense). There is a sense of mythology to this show that we only get a few fleeting glimpses of during the course of a season. And I like the mysteries, I like speculating about what is going on then watching the episodes to see if any clues are revealed that may reinforce or deny my theories.

So where do the writers go from here?

If the first season set up the main characters and the setting, then the last two seasons explored those characters and other people in that setting, I think the final 3 seasons will examine the Island. In the season finale of Season 3, we get the first of a new plot device for Lost: a flashforward instead of a flashback. In this flashforward, we see Jack as a drug-addicted, obsessed man. What is he obsessed about? Returning to the Island. I think the flashforwards and the “rescuers” who appeared in the season finale will be used to explain what makes the Island so special. Why does Jack feel the need to return, while Kate does not? Why was the Island seemingly covered up?

As the explanations come, I do not expect every little mystery to be solved. I think about 80% of them will be touched upon. The remaining 20% will remain unanswered and will probably include one major mystery (perhaps why the Island seems to attract people or why it seems everyone was connected before the flight). I believe we will learn that the Hostiles (the original Others, before Ben joined them) are the native inhabitants of the Island and know the most about its mystical powers. However, to them, it is a religious reason, no a scientific one; hence, some explanations will not have a hard explanation to them. I also believe we will learn that the Island is known to the outside world, but is constantly covered up by a powerful organization (think the conspiracies associated with the Free Masons) or its location is lost from time to time. In other words, it is an Atlantis type of deal, a mythical island, only it has been found time and time again, only to disappear into the ether.

On the character side, I think we will see Sawyer fall a little, as his primary reason for living (revenge) has been sated. We saw this fall begin in the season finale, with his killing of Tom. Jack will fall too, as seen by his flashforward, as his rescue attempt puts them in a worse situation. Locke will become the new “chosen one” of the Island, replacing Ben, who has been abusing the Island’s power. Kate will become as strong as she was in Season 1, Desmond will not run away from his fears, Sun and Jin will get off the Island, but be trapped by Sun’s father, Hurley and Sayid will step up as leaders as Locke, Sawyer, and Jack fall of the board. And Claire and Aaron? Something will happen to them to remind us that Claire was warned about the dangerous situation that Aaron may be liable to cause. Maybe have the rescuers take Aaron away to be raised by another.

What do I think should happen?

Don’t have Jack and company join with The Others to combat the threat that the rescuers are rumored to represent. Have them join the rescuers, wipe out The Others, then learn about the consequences (This may have been hinted at in Jack’s flashforward). Have any actions in these flashforwards reflect the action going on in “real time”. Have Jack’s journey back be a dark mirror of his journey off.

Have Locke and Ben unlock the mysteries of the Island. But also include a “nonbeliever”. There needs to be a skeptic to challenge what is going on, to keep the mysteries grounded and not too farfetched. Reveal that the Island is Eden, Purgatory, and Hell, figuratively speaking. That this place is a point on Earth where dreams, hopes, and fears can come true (of course, don’t state it like that. Use The Others’ religious views to explain it as such). The Island is simply a conduit for some unknown power that taps into the human psyche. Dharma doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of the Island, they were just the latest group to try to subvert its energy.

Finally, through the use of flashforwards, show what people have learned from their experience on the Island. Jack is nuts, and Kate seems resigned. This is a more ludicrous, really sci-fi ending I have in mind, but have it so as the actions in the present time start to butt up against and parallel the future events, have each character experience an epiphany. These epiphanies lead to this ending: time “resetting” itself, having everyone, even the deceased characters now alive again, return to their “point of origin”. So everyone is back on Oceanic 815 that should be, Desmond is back with Penny, etc. The difference now is that these people remember their experience on the Island. They look at each and know what they have experienced is real. Jin can speak English better now. Locke can walk. Claire has given birth. But they are put back on that faithful flight. The Island didn’t give them a second chance, but rather, it gave them the opportunity to grow. In the end, it is up to each individual to change in the setting where they never did before.

Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? I doooooooo!

2007-07-15T18:51:00.001-04:00

As part as a promotional tie-in with The Simpsons Movie (due out July 27th), &-11 have been turned into Kwik-E-Mart, the local convenience store in Springfield. I had the luck to live nearby one of the few stores that underwent this transformation.

Here I am with the Comic Book Guy.

They were selling Squishes (Slurpees), Buzz Cola, and Krusty-Os. I purchased a can of Buzz and Krusty-Os.

A look at the merchandise they were selling.

All in all, this promotional campaign seems to be a very successful one. The last photo I will leve you all with is from the interior of the Mart, which was very crowded!

Abrams Teases Us Again!

2007-07-15T15:46:00.000-04:00

JJ Abrams, creator of Lost and Alias, loves to mindscrew with his audience. His latest project, an untitled movie (which may be named Cloverfield, or Slusho, or 1-18-08), continues with that legacy by presenting itself as a realistic look (both in filming and in execution) at a monster attack on NYC.

Already, numerous websites have popped up to begin a viral campaign on behalf of the movie. Clues are being leaked, with the internet and critics alike in a frenzy.

Here is a link to the official teaser trailer website.

And here is the official webpage, with nothing but photos of the attack.

New Movie Review: "Transformers"

2007-07-15T15:32:00.000-04:00

As per usual, Hollywood combs all forms of media for movie ideas. This time, they choose an idea that started out as marketing for a toyline that turned into comics and a Saturday morning cartoon. How does "Transformers" measure up? Well, to borrow a phrase associated with them they aren't "more than meets the eye."

That doesn't mean the movie was bad. Rather, it was an enjoyable, mindless piece of cinema. Directed by Michael Bay, best known for his action-oriented features like Pearl Harbor and Armageddon, the action is heavy and the plot relatively thin. The film is about robots, and the human characters who are features, while Bay tries to give them substance, are really filler till the Transformers, the good guys Autbots and the bad guys Decepiticon show up. Shia Lebouf, the newest It Boy in Hollywood, does a good job acting with what he has got, but the love story he is tacked with, along with Josh Duhamel's hero's journey, feel nonessential. Of course, it could be worse: these plot lines don't drag down the movie and feel ludicrous, they jusy feel like window dressing on an piece of work that doesn't really need it.

So, Transformers, not surprisingly, isn't that deep. But it is fun. Every time one of the robots switched into another form, the theater's excitement was apparent. The new, slicker look of the alien robots was actually a good reinterpretation of the classic feel. The comic relief was over-the-top in a way only Michael Bay could pull off, but again, it worked. The movie, while it had the the prerequisite open-ended final scene, never seemed to say "This is only a device to get money from you. Now see the sequel that will surely come out and buy the tie-ins!" Unlike other films of its elk, Transformers knew its role and stuck to it.

The movie is already well on its way to becoming one of the highest grossest films of the summer and the year. It is all faslh with no substance, but no one really wants substance in a movie about transforming toys. Transformers accomplishes what it sets out to do with dazzling visuals and a plot that doesn't stand in the way of its momentum.

3 1/2 Transformation Sound Effects out of 5.

New Movie Review: "Ratatouille"

2007-06-30T22:30:00.000-04:00

Pixar has steadily become one of the leading studios for entertaining films. Notice how I didn't add the qualifier of "animated". Pixar movies transcend the animation genre to achieve an all around great cinematic experience. Animated movies made by other studios are fun, but they never feel real. Pixar movies feel real, even if a toy, bug, or car is talking to the audience.

To this end, "Ratatouille" is another standout in the Pixar library. It tells the story of a rat whose dream is to cook like a human. Of course, that is not the easiest dream to accomplish considered rats aren't viewed as the most cleanly of animals. The rat, Remy, is voiced by comedian Patton Oswalt, and Oswalt has the right voice for it: slightly boyish but with an aged pathos. As stated everywhere else, making a rat a hero isn't an easy task. But Oswalt and Pixar pull it off.

There are two villains in the story, and both are cartoonish. One is the lead chef in the restaraunt Remy cooks in (through his partnership with Linguini, a neophyte cook) and one is a stodgy old critic who caused the death of the former lead chef. The villainy of both these characters were at times distracting, but the resolution of both their story arcs made up for any previous complaints. Surprisingly, the love story that forms between Linguini and Collette doesn't seem cheesy (pardon the food pun) and is quite fun to watch. Thankfully, Linguini isn't reduced to being Remy's human sidekick and is given a substantial role.

The movie blends the cartoonish world of talking animals well with the more real world of humans. Not since Toy Story 2 has Pixar tried to combine a strictly cartoonish cliche (talking nonhumans) with the plots and actions of homo sapiens. The humans look both real and animated at the same time, and the rats also look human at times. The interplay is a delight to behold.

Pixar knocks another one out of the park with "Ratatouille". The voice acting is superb enough that you don't even realize which celebrities are in the movie. Brad Bird, who also did the best Pixar movie ever, "The Incredibles", strikes again. The former consultant to The Simpsons simplies knows how to bring characters to life. He might be the best director around today.

4 1/2 Spices out of 5

Double Shot New Movie Review: "Ocean's Thirteen" and "Evan Almighty"

2007-06-24T00:33:00.000-04:00

I am a movie watching machine and am going to let you, the loyal reader, reap the rewards!

Ocean's 13: Pure pop candy. You watch this movie, willingly shut off your brain, and you are thoroughly entertained. George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon and the rest of the cast perform like clockwork together. The direction is big movie arty and the plot is just one huge MacGuffin for fun little scenes. It makes up for the first sequel and is more than worth a view on some form of media, be it at theaters, on TV, or on DVD.

3 1/2 Fake Mustaches out of 5

Evan Almighty: The pseudo-sequel to "Bruce Almighty", Evan has Steve Carell as its lead, which automatically gives it 2 points in my book. Though it is being bashed by critics, the movie is fun and light and silly. There are several laugh at loud moments that had the whole theater cracking up. Morgan Freeman once again plays a great God and Carell is the master of subtle and over-the-top facial expressions and reactions. Go for the broad comedy, stay for the Jon Stewart cameo. Probably the most laugh out loud comedy of the summer, though "Knocked Up" is the all around better film.

4 Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! out of 5

Box Office Bombings: Box Office Breakdown 6/18/07

2007-06-21T00:12:00.000-04:00

Don't mind the breaks, after all, there's always something new on the horizon in the summer movie season. Then again, some movies have a stranglehold for weeks on end. Let's see who survived the Weekend Box Office for Monday, June 18th, 2007.

1. Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $58 million
Total Gross: $58 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: The sequel to the lackluster original that was overly panned by critics finds the First Family of Marvel chasing the surfer around the world. Much has been made of the simplisticness of this series and the unhappiness with the appearance of Galactus. Clearly, many geeks out there seem to forget something very important: they put the Silver Surfer on screen. Let's see if anyone imagined this would happen 10 years ago. Oh that's right, it was called the T-1000, nevermind.

2. Ocean's Thirteen
Last Week Rank: 1st
Weekend Gross: $20 million
Total Gross: $70 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: The increasingly strangely named series, now a trilogy based on a sequel of a remake...ok even I can't keep track of this anymore. Forget it, it's just George Clooney and friends doing what they do best: look cool. Also, Al Pacino is the bad guy. As if he could pull off a believable hero today.

3. Knocked Up
Last Week Rank: 3rd
Weekend Gross: $14 million
Total Gross: $90 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: The big money making live action comedy of the year so far, the alums of 40 Year Old Virgin take things a step further into parenting. Hilarity ensues, comedy that's more true to life than normal takes place, and Paul Rudd tries to take over everything.

4. Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End
Last Week Rank: 2nd
Weekend Gross: $12 million
Total Gross: $274 million
Weeks Out: 4
Musings: The Pirates trilogy keeps chugging along, reeling in the dough. Disney has a truly bankable franchise. Unlike the Spider-Man series though, the star actually appears to want to push for the character's return. Something tells me the audiences will be sticking around with their Fastpass in hand.

5. Surf's Up
Last Week Rank: 4th
Weekend Gross: $9 million
Total Gross: $35 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: An interesting CGI film, apparently doesn't take itself too seriously. No heavy messages, just a fun time for kids. Also, it's yet another penguin film. Not to be confused with Happy Feet or March of the Penguins or Batman Returns. Seriously, it's Danny Devito free, so it's safe for the kids.

6. Shrek The Third
Last Week Rank: 5th
Weekend Gross: $9 million
Total Gross: $297 million
Weeks Out: 5
Musings: The ogre may be starting to wear thin on people. Not good news from the critics considering the 4th and 5th films are planned on the way. Considering it's keeping the careers of Mike Myers and Eddie Murphy afloat, I think they'll keep pushing until the public has had enough. One wonders how well these films could hold up years from now, what with all the pop culture references. Clearly, it's a series for the now.

7. Nancy Drew
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $7 million
Total Gross: $7 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Really? They made a movie out of this, now? I can't imagine that Nancy Drew is even slightly popular at this point. I'll admit I read a few Hardy Boys books as a kid but I'm not even aching for a movie about that. I know girls need their inspirational hero film, but I don't think this is it. Looks too much like Legally Blonde (in reverse) meets Scooby Doo. Perhaps Nancy Doo? I perish the thought. [AE's Note: They are making a Hardy Boys movie. It will star...wait for it...Ben Stiller and Tom Cruise.]

8. Hostel: Part II
Last Week Rank: 6th
Weekend Gross: $3 million
Total Gross: $14 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: I have to give credit to this film for one major reason, I think it's the first film to use the words "Part II" since, what Back To The Future? But the point is, was anyone really wondering what other gory things could be explored with this film? I find this hard to distinguish from Saw and those kinds of movies. Slasher flicks seem to be dying and they have given rise to the gore/torture film. Now how could that possibly be disturbing in a post-9/11 world?

9. Mr. Brooks
Last Week Rank: 7th
Weekend Gross: $3 million
Total Gross: $24 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: Look, quick before the illusion disappears. It's Dane Cook, and he's a dramatic actor! Strange as that seems, he's apparently not that bad. To be fair, most comedians wind up being very good dramatic actors, weird how that works. Acting is easy, comedy is hard. But he's not the star and the rest of the cast is what keeps this film from being mediocre. Yes, it's apparently an interesting twisting film about a killer who, well, gets away with murder. Probably more than once.

10. Spider-Man 3
Last Week Rank: 8th
Weekend Gross: $3 million
Total Gross: $330 million
Weeks Out: 7
Musings: The webbed hero might have slung his last web in the top ten, though I'll be hard pressed to believe that it won't be here next week. Too many other films above don't have the staying power that a blockbuster like this does. Of course then everyone's already seen it. But at least they aren't like Dead Or Alive, which actually did enter the race DOA. Enjoy your direct to DVD failure. I recommend the game instead.

-Gonch

Gonch's New Movie Review: "Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End"

2007-06-20T23:29:00.000-04:00

Greetings from the state closest to the caribbean. Summertime is here and you can tell because Jack Sparrow and crew are riding the high seas again, hopefully not for the last time. This has been an intriguing series, for one must remember that it is based solely off a theme park ride. That in itself is an amazing accomplishment, to come up with 3 successful films based off a ride. With that said, here's the ups and downs of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.

We remember from Dead Man's Chest, the second film in the series, that Jack Sparrow, our unlikely hero is basically, well dead. Swallowed whole by the Kraken. But he's not dead-dead, if that makes sense. Because Davy Jones caused his demise intentionally, he's been sent to Davy Jones' locker and this isn't the high school kind. Rather it's like a purgatory that seems like it could drive a normal man mad, but then Captain Sparrow is no normal man, he's nearly already nuts. Johnny Depp lives this character, it's hard to imagine anyone else in the role or seeing him as another character. This film is not the best of Jack but it's still nice to see him again.

But who is it really nice to see again? This film marks the return of Captain Barbossa, played by a true pirate in Geoffrey Rush. I think Barbossa is a refreshing turn missing in the second film because he embodies what we think of pirates, while Sparrow is just a crazy twist between a pirate and a good man. Barbossa, like everyone else, has his own agenda but he's pretty much on the side of good this time. That might be one confusing but good plot of the film, that everyone has something motivating them towards the end, and I do mean everyone. Eventually, the good guys all have a reason to try to stop Lord Beckett of the East India Company and Davy Jones, whom Beckett now controls with the Dead Man's Chest and Jones' heart, from annihilating every last pirate in the seas. Of course, someone like Sparrow plans to do the right thing, but for his own crazy reasons. As for Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann? They are still fun to have around, maybe not as much as the pirates, but they hold their own quite well. I think Keira's character has grown on me far better than Kirsten Dunst's Mary Jane Watson.

This third film is likely the least of the trilogy but not by much. It may only lack in three areas. The first is length, not so much lacking but perhaps going on for a bit long. You certainly get your money's worth though. Unlike Spider-Man 3, which I unfortunately make many comparisons to, the extra time is not always spent talking or staring at closeups. Rather it's been spent on lavish special effects and battles. The climactic battle actually feels fairly epic, it lasts for a good while. Another issue could be the confusing plot points. Really, it's not that bad, there's a lot going on but there's a method to the madness. There is no scene without reason and everything pays off in the end, questions answered and character arcs going full circle. Finally, I found issue with the characters of the Pirate Lords, representing the far corners of the world. Some are incredibly stereotypical, even for that time period and they really do very little. In a film of very interesting and wild characters, they somehow stick out like a sore thumb. Thankfully they are not given a ton of screentime.

Again when comparing with Spidey 3, this film remembers something that film might have forgotten, both its heart and origins. Even in At World's End, there are references to the theme park ride directly. Listen for what happens as we enter Davy Jones' locker and you might recognize some direct ride audio! It also manages to still be fun to see these characters and in general pirates on screen. Not that Spidey has worn on anyone, but some of the fun was taken out of that film in comparison.

In the end, if you enjoyed the first two Pirates films, this will likely be another swashbuckling tale of fun. It may not feel exactly like the other two, but it is still at its core a continuation of the same story. There will be some strange goings on, but that's the price to pay to get someone back from the land of the dead. Frankly, I hope the franchise can continue to find life on the seas. Just listening to some of the still fun to hear language reminds you of how Disney can still create magic. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End receives Gonch's Gold Medal of Cap'n Jack Sparrow, Savvy?

Now then, drink up me hearties, yo ho!

-Gonch

New Movie Review: "The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer"

2007-06-17T21:22:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I've posted anything. I have seen a plethora of new movies (Shrek 3, Knocked Up), but didn't feel the urge to review them, though Knocked Up was excellent. But with the popcorn flick of FF 2, I couldn't resist the calling!

FF:TRSS picks up sometime after the first movie. The Fantastic Four, Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Johnny Storm, and Ben Grimm have become more comfortable with themselves and their powers. Reed and Sue are a supercouple in the spotlight and are about to get married. But dang it, who happens to show up before the wedding? The Silver Surfer, who is causing chaos all over the Earth. Reed makes a startling discovery: where ever the Surfer goes, that planet dies 8 days later. It is up to the dysfunctional family that is the Fantastic Four to stop the Surfer.

The movie is a zippy, light affair with excellent action sequences. It doesn't take itself too seriously, capturing the sometimes zaniness of the comic book. The characters all act as they would in the comics: Reed is absentminded about Sue, Sue is the strong center, and Johnny and Ben have a sweet rivarly. Though not as sci-fi as the comic (where the Four are often refered to as imaginauts), it still has the general feel. Whether or not that is one's cup of tea is what will determine your enjoyment.

Dr. Doom also makes a comeback in this film and despite the reasoning behind it, Julian McMahon's potrayal is a little better than the first go-round. The Doom character is still slightly "off" but it seems the writers and director are getting a better handle on him. The Silver Surfer, despite being an all silver guy on a surfboard, actually elicited pity and sympathy. He never felt like the villain, though that may have been because I knew what his true purpose was before the movie. And for those worried that the rumor that Galactus would only appear as a cloud, stop it. He is cloaked in a cloud only, and you do see a brief glimpse of the true form of the Planet Eater.

It seems weird to say, but I enjoyed FF 2 more than Spider-Man 3. While I had tons of fun watching Spidey, there were times where I was straining to find something to like. FF 2 was breezy and allowed me to shut off my brain which is always welcomed. Dare I say it? FF 2 is a more enjoyable experience than Spider-Man 3!

4 Military Interference out of 5.

Box Office Bombings: Box Office Breakdown 5/28/07

2007-06-03T10:15:00.001-04:00

Memorial Day Weekend layover has led to this slight delay (and missing the previous week). But hey, all the movies that still matter are there, for the Weekend Box Office for Monday, May 28th, 2007.

1. Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $140 million
Total Gross: $153 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Pirates! Blasted bloody pirates. The first film was a surprise success, garnering a well deserved Oscar nom for Depp. The second was a fun follow up that introduced greater special effects that actually won an Oscar. This time around? It seems that very few franchises can live up to making 3 straight good movies. Spidey wasn't well received, Shrek is stumbling (not in numbers though), even X-Men last year couldn't hold the candle that X2 did. Pirates 3 gives you more of what you want, but supposedly with far too much plot and insanity that nearly lasts 3 hours. LOTR it is not.

2. Shrek The Third
Last Week Rank: 1st
Weekend Gross: $67 million
Total Gross: $217 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: This was last week's champion, no surprise there. Seriously, I've never personally seen so many big blockbusters coming out at once, with still several huge movies to come in the next few months. This one finds Shrek trying to not be king, but instead trying to get Justin Timberlake to be it. Ok, I think I can see where this one doesn't quite have the bombastic joy of the first two. In fact, the second one might be even better than the first for pure pop culture referencing, but having not seen it yet, it seems like an awful lot more of a cash in than before.

3. Spider-Man 3
Last Week Rank: 2nd
Weekend Gross: $18 million
Total Gross: $308 million
Weeks Out: 4
Musings: Our little wall crawler is starting to show signs of weakness, but then with Shrek and Pirates, it's hard to not start to fall off the wagon a bit. Still, it's already made waves with over $300 million US and is in fact a much bigger hit overseas, the biggest Spidey yet internationaly. That's something to be proud of, but the real question is, does this franchise have what it takes to be a monumental 6 movies Star Wars-like franchise? Sony sure thinks so, but the stars and director may not be convinced yet.

4. Bug
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $4 million
Total Gross: $4 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Foolish enough to come out the same weekend as any of these BO hits isn't smart, but it managed to follow directly after all three of them, so that's impressive as it is. It's directed by Mr. Exorcist, but that doesn't automatically make it a smash hit waiting to happen or even a good horror flick. Frankly, I think Ashley Judd is only interested in movies that don't interest anyone else...oh and she's got a thing for Morgan Freeman. To be fair, so does anyone who's ever done a movie with his voiceover work.

5. Waitress
Last Week Rank: 12th
Weekend Gross: $4 million
Total Gross: $6.5 million
Weeks Out: 4
Musings: A surprise successful comedy kinda thing. Not bad to jump up from 12th to 5th, but it's still not exactly raking in the dough. I'll bet that it cost next to nothing to make though, so that's just fine for the producers involved.

6. 28 Weeks Later
Last Week Rank: 3rd
Weekend Gross: $3 million
Total Gross: $24 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: The rage virus continues to run rampant throughout the theaters. While it doesn't feel quite as interesting without the performance of Cillian Murphy, it's still considered a good sequel. Unfortunately, that means we might just see 28 Months Later, which again, after our rule of threequals, is probably not a smart idea, hint hint.

7. Disturbia
Last Week Rank: 5th
Weekend Gross: $2 million
Total Gross: $75 million
Weeks Out: 7
Musings: Easily the sleeper hit of the early summer season, Shia continues to roll on, not stumbling much from the big films. Does this mean he'll start trying his hand at other Hitchcock remakes? Personally, I think he should be glad he was even considered for a roll in Transformers and Indiana Jones 4. Not because both will be good, but because they're automatic cash cows and he'll look good for that either way.

8. Georgia Rule
Last Week Rank: 4th
Weekend Gross: $2 million
Total Gross: $17 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: Preparing to soon ship out, it's really the only major chick flick out on the market, perhaps if you don't count Waitress. That's probably because Lucky was just so awful and pathetic. Is it that hard to make movies like that without doing the same thing over and over again? I'm sure Knocked Up will have something to say about romance next week.

9. Fracture
Last Week Rank: 6th
Weekend Gross: $2 million
Total Gross: $37 million
Weeks Out: 6
Musings: Man, you really cannot stop Anthony Hopkins, the man is a beast at the movies. Even though this one doesn't likely do that much different, it's still enough to draw all his fans back time and again. Let's see if he can get BO gold by babysitting 3 out of control kids and hijinks ensue, the true test of a star's power.

10. Wild Hogs
Last Week Rank: 17th
Weekend Gross: $2 million
Total Gross: $163 million
Weeks Out: 13
Musings: What...the...hell?!?! How did this movie get resurrected back into the top ten?! This is wrong on so many levels. I want to know who went to see this drivel that it made that much money, cause the studio will just beg for a sequel that has the wives go Wild Hog instead and call it Hog Wild. Oh no, why did I just give them that idea?

-Gonch

Alterna-Review: Spider-Man 3

2007-06-02T23:46:00.000-04:00

Well, AE's had his say, but that doesn't mean it's the final be-all end-all assessment. Time to put my opinion to the test in the first ever Gonch Alterna-Review, another look at an item that may just deserve it. This time out, it's the biggest blockbuster of the year, so far at least, Spider-Man 3.

AE did the hard part in describing the plot, what there was of it. But let's get down to the nitty gritty and decide where this film falls in the scheme of things.

What Worked:
- For starters, the base characters we've all come to know and love are developed through 2 movies already, and they're all here. Peter, MJ, Harry, Aunt May, JJJ, and even Bruce Campbell. Hell, the landlord and his daughter return as well just for completeness sake. We've watched them progress nicely, but ironicly, the character most underused in the second film, Harry, is the most well developed in the third. He goes through a tremendous arc, first going through with the attack he planned to do at the end of 2, losing his memory, re-befriending Peter and MJ, using MJ to get back at Peter even better than his father did, and finally going full circle by becoming a hero with a full-on amazing team up with our webhead.

- Villain-wise, we had our choices this time around. Aside from seeing Peter as a kind of bad guy for part of the film, you've got the Sandman who both did and didn't work. The way he did, was that he posed a threat to Spidey such that we're not even sure if he could be defeated in the end entirely. He was once again a compassionate bad guy, but nothing like Doc Ock was. Harry's evil doings were fun to watch, but perhaps the most enjoyable baddie was the one with the least screen time: Venom. This is not so much because of what Venom and the suit can do as a threat to Spider-Man, but more because of Topher Grace. He made sure to show off what a jerk he was in contrast to the standard Peter and eventually became the villain who frankly, just wanted to be a villain and good for him on that.

- In general, a lot of other things worked well. Special effects were top notch, every scene with JJJ and Bruce Campbell was fantastic. It's one thing we count on, no matter how much changes for Spidey, JJJ will always bring us back to the iconic characterizations we love. Aunt May does a fine job as supportive family figure as always, while Gwen Stacey was beautiful eye candy. This does lead to some major faults in the film though.

What Didn't Work:
- MJ's characterization simply didn't sync as well as it had before. She decided to keep things from Peter, be jealous of Spider-Man, and in the end left him, but almost wanted to anyway. She once again is the source of distress for Spider-Man to save. We expect that from the first film. The second she was taken again but it wasn't the major issue at hand, it was the fusion device, she was secondary. In the same way, Gwen Stacey was also not very well used. Yes she was great to look at but didn't have much use. At the very least it was some extra motivation for Eddie to hate Peter. As well, Sandman just didn't feel that fully developed, and forced into the death of Uncle Ben, even though Peter likely needed a push to the dark side.

- This leads to stuff like the team-up of Sandman and Venom, which doesn't make a huge amount of sense. In some ways it does, but in general, villain team ups can often be quite awkward without any development time. Even the Batman films had better build up to it, though it doesn't mean that it works. Some other mind-boggling problems include Harry's butler just waking up to tell him that Spider-Man didn't kill his father, gee thanks for that last minute info. Another convenience being that the symbiote just happened to find Peter by landing near him and such, but then again it would take up a lot of time to do it better...time better taken away from some very long pauses and over-dramatic acting.

A big question was about transition from good to bad Spidey for both him and Peter's personality. This kind of both worked and didn't, but in general was handled well. The dance scene was not particularly over the top, after all using his reflex abilities. This film simply felt like it had trouble living up to not just the lofty expectations, but the strong start made by the first film, and the incredible continuation done by the second film. While it has its faults, it was still an overall enjoyable film that weaved many webs into one by the end. Whether it ended the way you wanted it to or not, Spider-Man 3 earns the Silver Medal of Webslinging. A film that may try just a little too hard to do it all, just needed to follow its roots a little more to the arachnid that spawned it.

Lost: "Through the Looking Glass" Review

2007-05-24T09:53:00.000-04:00

HOLY. MOLEY. Lost has the tendency to string along the viewer for a couple of acts during an episode and then hit them with some sorta whammy in the final act. The season finale "Through the Looking Glass" used that formula perfectly and daringly. While the final five minutes were breathtaking, the rest of the episode was stellar as well.

As Jack and the survivors treked away from the beach camp, leaving behind Jin, Sayid, and Bernard to fend off the Others, Charlie was tied up and being tortured by the woman manning the Looking Glass station. He was flippant and defiant, knowing that his end is near. He happily told them of his plan to save the survivors and to die in the process. Meanwhile, Desmond came to and swam down to the station after Mikhail started opening fire on him. Mikhail too went down to the station and killed one woman and severely wounded another on Ben's order. Desmond seemingly killed Mikhail with a harpoon gun. Charlie managed to turn off the jamming device, reaching of all people, Penny. Penny said that Naomi was not part of her rescue attempt. Charlie was about to tell Desmond the news but Mikhail was outside the room with a grenade, which exploded and flooded. Charlie was forced to close the door to the room to save Desmond and locking himself in. As Charlie died, he crossed himself. It was a very heoric way to go out.

Ben's leadership position within The Others is starting to crack. After capturing Jin, Sayid, and Bernard, Ben eventually ordered Tom and the rest of the strikeforce to kill the trio to prove to Jack that he meant business. The strikeforce ignored this order, only pretending to do so. Meanwhile, Sawyer and Juliet go back to camp to try to rescue the trio, but they are unarmed. Only when Hurley drives his VW Bus through camp do our heroes can an advantage. Sawyer shoots Tom in cold blood to avenge his kidnapping of Walt.

Talking about Walt, he appears as a vision to the still alive Locke. He tells Locke that he still has work to do. Ben says he is protecting the Island for an outside threat, the one that Naomi is a part of, and when he meets up with the Lostaways (with his daughter in tow) he pleads with Jack to not contact the outside world. Jack doesn't believe a word Ben says, eventually beating him up when he thinks Ben has ordered the killing of the beach trio. In a funny twist, the bleeding Ben introducing Alex to her real mother, Rousseau.

Jack and company finally get to the radio tower and turn off the message. Locke shows up to kill Naomi and to plead with Jack not to contact the outside world, but Jack ignores him and does so. The castaways cheer and rescue is seemingly on its way. Except...

In what we were first to believe were flashbacks, we see a bearded Jack as his life is unraveling. He is addicted to painkillers and is seemingly lost in the world. He almost commits suicide after reading about someone's death. He is stealing drugs from his hospital and is going on about his father. In the final 5 minutes we are shocked: Jack has been trying to call someone the neitre flash and that someone is revealed to be Kate. But how? Then it comes out: Jack is trying to get back to the Island. This wasn't a flashback but a flashforward! This is Jack after rescue, despondent and finally believing Ben/Locke that they shouldn't leave the Island.

This brings up an interesting plot device for next season. Will there still be flashbacks or will we learn about waht happens to the people after they are rescued? How did everyone else turn out? And why do we have to wait till February to find out!

5 The Hells? out of 5.

Lost: "Greatest Hits" Review

2007-05-17T09:57:00.000-04:00

The penultimate episode of Lost this season had Charlie running to, not away from, his date with death. Meanwhile, Jack unveiled is plan to dynamite The Others to hell, but a monkeywrench was thrown into that idea when Karl, Alex's boyfriend, came to shore to reveal that The Other's attack was coming sooner rather than later. Ben seems even more out of control and losing his grip on reality after his duel with Locke. A modification to the survivor's plan was needed, Jack was now going to take the survivors to the radio tower that Rousseau once manned and three men, Jin, Sayid, and Bernard volunteered to stay behind to help set off the dynamite.

Charlie's role was to swim out to a previously unknown hatch, The Looking Glass, and flip a switch so that Ben wouldn't be able to jam any outgoing radio signals. Problem is, the station is flooded, being underwater, and Desmond has forseen that Charlie will drown after he accomplishes his task. His death does pay the way to having Claire and Aaron rescued, says Desmond, and Charlie decides to sacrifice himself for that noble end.

As Charlie prepares for his death, he makes a list of his favorite memories. Among the list is his saving Sayid's love Nadia from a mugger, in an interesting crossover. But, at the top of his list, is his first meeting with Claire. The episode definitely pulled on the heartstrings of viewers, with Charlie's motivations and supposed destiny. In the end, Charlie survives getting into the hatch, but is then surrounded by some gun-toting bad mommas.

This was a strong set-up episode that will lead nicely into the season finale. Excuse me, the two hour season finale! It will be interesting to see if the the final episode of this season lives up to the hype!

4 Young Charlies out of 5.

Box Office Bombings: Box Office Breakdown 5/14/07

2007-05-17T00:36:00.000-04:00

What could possibly challenge the biggest opening weekend ever? Why nothing, that's what! Still, everyone try not to make fun of the Weekend Box Office for Monday, May 14th, 2007.

1. Spider-Man 3
Last Week Rank: 1
Weekend Gross: $60 million
Total Gross: $240 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: What? $60 million is the best you can do this week? Feh, other movies would kill to open to that. You spidey? You could do better. But that's ok, that's what merchandising and the largest opening outside of the US ever is taking care of. Just remember, Bruce Campbell is the real star of the show.

2. 28 Weeks Later
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $10 million
Total Gross: $10 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: The sequel to the successful 28 Days Later, which should never be confused with 28 Days (yikes, Bullock), brings back all the chills and thrills of the last installment. Why is it here? Because it's the summer of sequels, it's the rule. Plus, this is where Michael has been since he left the island, bloody England.

3. Georgia Rule
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $7 million
Total Gross: $7 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Look, it's the new chick flick of the week. I hear it stars 3 generations of women and they all learn from each other. Gag me if you can read this.

4. Disturbia
Last Week Rank: 2nd
Weekend Gross: $5 million
Total Gross: $66 million
Weeks Out: 5
Musings: Can't stop Shia that easily, even with 2 new movies out he still clings to life. The question is, which classic Hitchcock film will be butchered next? Psycho and Rear Window are taken care of, who wants to tackle The Man Who Knew Too Much? Bill Murray does not count.

5. Delta Farce
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $3 million
Total Gross: $3 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: How did this movie make it to theaters? I hope even Comedy Central would steer clear of this nightmare.

6. Fracture
Last Week Rank: 3rd
Weekend Gross: $3 million
Total Gross: $31 million
Weeks Out: 4
Musings: Yeah not so lucky. Mr. Hopkins is unstoppable. Sure $31 million isn't all that much, but who cares. He's so rich by now, he could buy half the movies on this list.

7. The Invisible
Last Week Rank: 4th
Weekend Gross: $2 million
Total Gross: $16 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: The film takes another drop and is failing badly in the face of the summer to come. If this movie was to ever have a shot, it was completely released at the wrong time.

8. Meet The Robinsons
Last Week Rank: 7th
Weekend Gross: $2 million
Total Gross: $94 million
Weeks Out: 7
Musings: Perhaps to break the $100 million mark, Disney might finally learn how to make a CGI film without Pixar's help. Problem is, will they ever live up to the writing? [AE's Note: Actually, Pixar rejiggered this movie when they merged with Disney.]

9. Next
Last Week Rank: 5th
Weekend Gross: $2 million
Total Gross: $15 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: Down, down goes Cage. I ain't talking about Johnny either. Maybe he can make a direct to DVD sequel called Next Again: How Nicholas Cage Can't Say No To A Script. I'm pretty sure if it can be printed out, he's all over it.

10. Hot Fuzz
Last Week Rank: 9th
Weekend Gross: $2 million
Total Gross: $19 million
Weeks Out: 4
Musings: It's holding onto to dear life but who cares. The list this week knocked off BOTH Blades of Glory and Are We Done Yet?. So I will misplacingly thank Hot Fuzz for not being responsible for this. Because I refuse to think Delta Farce had anything to do with it.

-Gonch

Lost: "The Man Behind the Curtain" Review

2007-05-10T17:02:00.000-04:00

Well, we finally saw Jacob. Kinda, sorta. Not really, but still. In "The Man Behind the Curtain" Ben's backstory gets revealed, and the Island mythos explodes. And the crescendo at the end has everyone at the edge of their seats!

First and foremost, Ben is a liar. He wasn't born on the Island, rather he was born 2 months premature outside of Portland, which caused his mom's death. His father, a resentful fellow, joins up with the Dharma Initiative and brings Ben to the Island. There, Ben sees visions of his dead mother and avoids attacks from the Hostiles, once again the name given to the original inhabitants of the Island. Young Ben soon meets Richard Alpert, who seems to be a native and ageless, as he looked the same in the past, which took place 30 years ago, and the present. Ben eventually joins the Hostiles and helps "purge" the Dharma Initiative and kills his own father face to face.

Back in the present, Locke demands answers from Ben. Ben tells him the only one who can provide the answers is the mysterious Jacob. But Ben isn't too keen on taking Locke there, especially when Mikhail shows up to inform him about Naomi and her mission to find Desmond. However, Locke eliminates any hesitation by beating on Mikhail while The Others stand around and let it happen. Ben takes Locke to Jacob's creepy house, where Ben talks to an empty chair. Ben insists Jacob is there, but Locke sees nothing. He then shines a light around the room, things go all Poltergeisty, a man briefly appears and says to Locke "Help Me". Locke is unconvinced about what he saw and accuses Ben of lying. Ben is miffed that "Jacob" talked to Locke and Locke is usurping his power, so he does what comes naturally to him: he shoots Locke. Locke is left dying on the same grave that Ben put all his former Dharma friends in.

We only got a little snippet of the beach this week, but the camp confronted Jack and Juliet about Juliet's tape. Juliet calmly lets them hear Ben's instructions about kidnapping the women and Jack informs everyone he already knew about it but was trying to think of a plan before telling. The camp is upset, but it seems like they wanna hear what Jack has to say. Needless to point out, but the A plot outshined this plot.

This episode blew me away. It was dark and mysterious and had a (hopefully not really) killer ending. With two episodes remaining, Lost is crazily addictive once again!

4 1/2 Dormant Volcanos out of 5

Box Office Bombings: Box Office Breakdown 5/7/07

2007-05-08T23:37:00.000-04:00

Something is swinging in the air, and I'm not so sure it's a good guy. Either way, grab your best black suit for the Weekend Box Office for Monday, May 7th, 2007.

1. Spider-Man 3
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $150 million
Total Gross: $150 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Eh? What's this now? A movie about a spidery superhero? A threequal you say? It made how much?! Let's just face facts, you cannot hope to stop him, you can only contain him, in a ton of movie theaters at once. It's a record-breaking smash hit that has Topher Grace thinking maybe Peter Parker should stay alive, at least for another 4 to 6 movies.

2. Disturbia
Last Week Rank: 1st
Weekend Gross: $6 million
Total Gross: $60 million
Weeks Out: 4
Musings: Well, that's quite a drop off from first, wouldn't you say? I'd say Shia could care less, he had 3 straight weeks at the top and will likely return on July 4th. For a movie budgeted at about 1/3 of what it's made, I'd say he's done well already.

3. Fracture
Last Week Rank: 4th
Weekend Gross: $4 million
Total Gross: $27 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: Good show, Mr. Hopkins, good show indeed. Jumping up in the standings this week, people ran to this film, assuming it was Hannibal Rides Again. Sadly they were mistaken.

4. The Invisible
Last Week Rank: 2nd
Weekend Gross: $3 million
Total Gross: $13 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: Sticking around, I seriously couldn't even tell you who stars in this movie. I don't imagine that bodes well for its future.

5. Next
Last Week Rank: 3rd
Weekend Gross: $3 million
Total Gross: $12 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: 2 weeks and $12 million? Haha, how pathetic for a Cage flick designed to be an early summer film. Maybe you should stick to lighting your head on fire and attacking women in bear costumes. [AE Note: Oh Nic Cage, how you make us laugh with your unintentional comedies.]

6. Lucky You
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $3 million
Total Gross: $3 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Yeah not so lucky. Oh look, love in Las Vegas. The kind of love that's only legal in Las Vegas? Hah, you wish.

7. Meet The Robinsons
Last Week Rank: 7th
Weekend Gross: $3 million
Total Gross: $92 million
Weeks Out: 6
Musings: Not bad Disney, holding onto its spot, Robinsons are doing their best to be...well the only movie there exists for the really young kids. Of course, any kid over 8 would likely rather take a trip with emo-Parker.

8. Blades Of Glory
Last Week Rank: 5th
Weekend Gross: $2 million
Total Gross: $112 million
Weeks Out: 6
Musings: Looks like this one is finally starting to die out. Good riddance. Can anyone promise me these two will stop making movies? Yeesh.

9. Hot Fuzz
Last Week Rank: 6th
Weekend Gross: $2 million
Total Gross: $16 millionWeeks Out: 3
Musings: It's too bad this one isn't hitting one out of the park like Shaun did. Still, DVD sales may show another result. The critics sure love it, so where are the cult fans? Not enough zombies I suspect. [AE's note: I think this movie opened up stronger than Shaun did.]

10. Are We Done Yet?
Last Week Rank: 10th
Weekend Gross: $2 million
Total Gross: $46 million
Weeks Out: 5
Musings: Holy crap, how are we not? Spider-Man 3 couldn't knock this piece of crap off the list? You gotta be kidding me. Who the hell is seeing this dreck?! 28 Weeks Later, I swear, kick this movie to the curb!

-Gonch

The Simpsons: "Crook and Ladder" Review

2007-05-06T20:31:00.000-04:00

The Simpsons returned to its spotty roots with an episode where the first act was all over the place in terms of plot and only served to set up the final two acts. In the case of "Crook and Ladder" the first act had to go through two plot devices to reach the main one. Maggie gets her pacifier taken away, leading to Homer being unable to sleep, which leads to him taking sleeping pills, which leads to him doing things in his sleep, which leads to Bart manipulating him, which leads to Homer accidentally injuring the firefighters.

So Homer, Skinner, Moe, and Apu become volunteer firefighters. Soon their heroics reap them some rewards, and they become greedy. As they say, greed leads to trouble and pretty soon Homer gets caight by his family. Homer gives up his ways and becomes a true hero.

Surprisingly, the best gags come from the first act. Homer sleepsets up a domino pattern that leads to his portrait and signature by Matt Groening. Upon reading that Maggie's future us uncertain due to her pacifier sucking, Marge sees Maggie setting up some ABC blocks that read "No Future". However, as the episode moves onto the firefighting aspect, the jokes get thin. Homer sees his sad children's faces everywhere he goes is about as funny as it gets in the final 15 minutes.

This episode wasn't that funny or entertaining. I hold out hope that in the final few episodes, The Simpsons regain its touch, leading up to the movie this summer!

2 Firefighting Brochures out of 5.

New Movie Review: "Spider-Man 3"

2007-05-05T22:25:00.000-04:00

Critics have seem to be picking the meat off the bones of the latest Spider-Man movie. I can see why. It certainly is not the story-driven film the first sequel, and it isn't as ground breaking as the first film. However, as far as the third movie in a superhero trilogy, it could have done worse.

The movie is pure popcorn fare. While there is a deep rumination on the price of vengeance, it seems the movie is divided into three parts with action: the rise of the Sandman (Thomas Haden Church), Spidey's (Toby Maguire) use of the black symbiote suit, and then the final confrontation between Spidey, Sandman, and Venom (Topher Grace) with a special appearance by a foe of Spider-Man. These three pieces fit loosely together, with subplots seeming to rise and fall in each act. Gwen Stacey is little more than a prop in the movie and is her father, Captain Stacey. JJJ shows up in only two or three scenes, though he does get his usual zingers in. Even Aunt May seems to be pushed to the background, as Mary Jane seems to take and share center stage with Spidey. Kirsten Dunst works better as a supporting memeber of the Spidey family, but S-M 3 seemed to be more about her than Peter Parker.

The plot is a weak link in the movie. It starts off with Spider-Man being the most popular man in NYC. This is a little unbelievable, because in the comics, Spider-Man was rarely the "cool" hero. As a result of this plot point, a few of the characters act strangely and not true to themselves. Also, certain events seem to come out of nowhere in order to advance the plot and then quickly retreat. Again, it was a fun movie, but when these scenes happened, one couldn't help but scratch their head.

Of course, the special effects were astounding. The detail of the Sandman transformation will leave you giddy. When Eddie Brock becomes Venom, the screen drips fear. Spider-Man swinging through NYC seems more real than in the first movie. It was a bit frustrating though at times that the camera would not directly follow the fighting and seem to pan to much left or right and "catch up" to the action later.

For all the complaints and nitpicks, Spider-Man 3 is a very good movie. While the director Sam Raimi and the rest of the cast and crew might love the Spidey franchise, this movie shows they might love it too much. But there is a regard for the subject matter in the movie and genuine feeling and it might be a case of trying to hard. But it still was impressive!

4 Webballs out of 5.

Box Office Bombings: Box Office Breakdown 4/30/07

2007-05-05T22:20:00.000-04:00

Whoo boy, is it late? You freakin' bet it is. But I'm back baby, freedom of summer has begun. So let's catch up with the Weekend Box Office for Monday, April 30th, 2007.

1. Disturbia
Last Week Rank: 1st
Weekend Gross: $9 million
Total Gross: $52 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: Ah, by that number showing, we can see that everyone isn't bothering to go to the movies last weekend, awaiting a certain webhead's return. But Shia is proving that he can win over the box office, something he'll need if those 80s robots are to do anything at all.

2. The Invisible
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $8 million
Total Gross: $8 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: This one is supposed to be fairly good but I don't buy it. A guy has to solve his own murder, interesting, but the fact that it's pre-loaded with a rock soundtrack in the trailer doesn't bode well.

3. Next
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $7 million
Total Gross: $7 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: In the words of Simon from American Idol (I think, I've never actually seen it), NEXT! Seriously, Cage has gotta stop taking every script that lands in his lap. If he really could see the future, he'd know this movie is gonna be blown out of the water.

4. Fracture
Last Week Rank: 2nd
Weekend Gross: $7 million
Total Gross: $7 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: Willie. Ok now that that's out of the way, Anthony Hopkins plays NOT Hannibal Lecter where he has gotten away with killing his wife. Frankly the movie could just end there, he's the kinda guy where we just go, you know what Tony? You go ahead and kill your wife, you've earned it.

5. Blades Of Glory
Last Week Rank: 3rd
Weekend Gross: $5 million
Total Gross: $108 million
Weeks Out: 5
Musings: It's being advertised as the #1 comedy in the country, meaning it is totally not the #1 movie in the country. Seriously, did they put Ferrell and Heder together just so I wouldn't have to avoid two movies instead of one this summer? Cause if so, that's the only reason for this blasphemy to ice sports to exist.

6. Hot Fuzz
Last Week Rank: 6th
Weekend Gross: $5 million
Total Gross: $13 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: Here's where the #1 comedy should be, at the Hot Fuzz junction. If it's anywhere near as funny as Shaun of the Dead, then it's bloody brilliant. These two guys alone are worth the price of admission. God bless British comedy.

7. Meet The Robinsons
Last Week Rank: 5th
Weekend Gross: $5 million
Total Gross: $88 million
Weeks Out: 5
Musings: It's still confusing to see computer animation from Disney, but have it not be Pixar, especially since Pixar is still associated with Disney. They do their best though which at least looks more interesting than Chicken Little, yikes.

8. Vacancy
Last Week Rank: 4th
Weekend Gross: $4 million
Total Gross: $14 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: Luke Wilson can already get on my nerves, but doing a sad sack Psycho? Please, this has been done before and way better. I know the outcome and it's not satisfactory in the least.

9. The Condemned
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $4 million
Total Gross: $4 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Debuting at 9th eh? Yeah that bodes well. Stone Cold Steve Austin plays a guy on death row who has to kill everyone else to survive. What a smart plot, and maybe next week, we can watch the Undertaker clean up the streets with his no holds barred attitude.

10. Are We Done Yet?
Last Week Rank: 7th
Weekend Gross: $4 million
Total Gross: $44 million
Weeks Out: 4
Musings: Are you freakin' kidding me? You make a sequel to a horrendously bad movie, you base it off the Money Pit, and then you expect people to see it? I'm pretty sure Dr. Cox would be taking Ice Cube's family's BS for about, oh 1 minute there, Barbie.-Gonch

Classic Movie Review: "The Jerk"

2007-05-03T09:20:00.000-04:00

The Jerk (1979) is a classic comedy film. Steve Martin plays a bumbling man who was raised a poor black child. He is naive to the world when he finally sets out, but the world palys along with the naivity. Martin meets some interesting characters along his journey, makes some money, loses some money, but ends up with a happy ending. As in most comedies, the plot isn't what is important. The gags that surround the plot are!

And what gags they are! The movie never goes for the traditional set up-punchline dynamic. Rather the laughs come from Martin's reactions and reading of the dialogue. Martin puts such glee in some of the absurd lines that make it hard to resist laughing. As a sniper tries to kill Martin but only hits some nearby cans, Martin first thinks the cans are defective, then he thinks the sniper is trying to destroy the cans. Martin's panic as he runs around trying to find cover away from the various cans that surround him is played perfectly. As Martin goes through various jobs, always keeping his childlike wonderment at the world, the hilarity only builds.

There are other fine performances in the movie besides Martin's. Jackie Mason plays Martin's first boss with his usual snese of humor. Mason is basically doing his act in the movie, but it doesn't detract from it. Bernadette Peters plays Martin's love interest with the right mix of innocence and world-weariness. She is the perfect foil to Martin's Navin.

It is no surprise that a movie written by Steve Martin in his prime packs so many laughs. Martin is a creative genius and when he is on, he is on. Read his collection of short stories Pure Drivel to see what I mean. The jokes in this movie still stand up more than 25 years later. It is a definite must see for anyone who is a fan of old school comedies.

4 1/2 Opti-Grabs out of 5.

Lost: "The Brig" Review

2007-05-03T08:57:00.000-04:00

It's called acting, my dear boy! Terry O'Quinn, Kevin Tighe, and Josh Holloway really nailed their parts in the Lost episode "The Brig". The episode returned to Locke and his father, catching up with Locke's interactions with Ben and The Others through on-Island flashbacks and present Locke's cat and mouse game with Sawyer.

Why was Locke playing games with Sawyer? Well, it seems that Ben wants Locke to kill Locke's father to prove that he is special. Locke, even with all his daddy issues, can't do it. Ben banishes Locke from the Others' temporary camp (which seems to be on the site of some ruins), but not before Richard, the man who recruited Juliet gives Locke a file on someone who can kill his father, Sawyer. Turns out Locke's Daddy is the real Sawyer, the one who drove James Ford's dad to kill his mom and then himself. Ouch. Locke takes his dad to the Black Rock, the slave ship found at the end of Season 1 and puts him in the Brig. Then he sets off to find Sawyer.

Our Sawyer showed that he is a complicated man tonight. He quickly picked up on Locke's manipulations and demanded answers. But when it was finally revealed who Anythony Cooper was, Sawyer snapped. Anthony laughed in Sawyer's face about his revenge scheme, tearing up Sawyer's childhood letter. Sawyer then choked him to death with a chain. Yet, after the death of his lifelong enemy, Sawyer still seems to feel lost. He vomits afterwards, and the look on his face tells the story of a tragic figure.

Locke has one final present for Sawyer before Locke returns to the Others: the audio tape Juliet made for Ben in last week's episode. Ben has told Locke that the Others are going to the beach in three days to take all the women. Meanwhile, back at the beach, the parachutist, Naomi, arrives and the foursome of Desmond et al struggles to find who to trust. The only one they can trust is Sayid, who quickly grills Naomi. Naomi reveals that not only was Flight 815 found, but there were bodies. Naomi hands over her satellite phone to Sayid, who fixes it, but can't boradcast anything. Kate finds out about Naomi, and tattles to Jack. Jack and Juliet remain mysterious, with Juliet wanting to tell Kate about some secret, which Jack refuses to tell. There is a confrontation coming!

The crescendo to the season finale continued with "The Brig". Tension is rising and it feels like we are on the cusp of something big. Will The Others attack the survivors, only to find an ambush waiting? What exactly is the Island in that it would make the Others believe that Locke could be a messiah figure? And where did Rousseau go with that dynamite?

4 Tents out of 5.

The Simpsons: "The Boys of Bummer" Review

2007-04-29T20:33:00.000-04:00

The episode "The Boys of Bummer" had me singing "Take me out to the animated ball game." It was funny without being too deep. It wasn't a classic episode by any stretch of the imagination, but it was entertaining.

Bart becomes the goat of the town when he drops a routine flyball in the championship game of his Little League. The whole town starts to hate on him, driving him insane, and Marge to the idea to recreate the game in order to give Bart another chance at redemption. The inanity of baseball is highlighted with the announcer who babbles on about their sponsors and what it means to make an error on the baseball field.

The B-plot had Homer becoming a mattress saleman (at one point, he wonder outloud how this will turn out). He trades his mattress to the Lovejoys, the Reverend and his wife, to aid their sex life. He finds his own sex life suffers for it, and he and Marge set out to steal it. Homer can't resist singing the tune from "The Pink Panther" as he sneaks around. The final solution to the Lovejoy's and Simpson's problems is to split the mattress in half, not quite going like King Solomon that Reverend Lovejoy used as an example.

The episode had some funny little bits. Homer thinks about the types of sanwiches the split mattress looks like, gets hot, and pulls over to the side of the road to make love with Marge. Ned Flanders apparently hates oil-based paint and goes a little psycho when "I Hate Bart Simpson" is painted on his fence. There is even a nod to Steve Bartman and his involvement with the Cubs when Homer snatches a foul ball from Bart. Even the towns mean actions towards Bart was hilarious. And who knew that Lenny had a well received series of mystery books? Even Stephen King is a fan!

This episode was light and fluffy, with very little substance to be remembered later. However, that content was enjoyed while it lasted.

3 Old Milhouses out of 5.

Lost: "D.O.C." Review

2007-04-26T15:53:00.000-04:00

Yunjin Kim, who plays Sun, is an amazing actress. Although the Lost episode "D.O.C." was not that exciting until the last quarter of the show, Kim kept the episode from careening into boring town.

The episode focused on Sun's pregnancy. She learns from Juliet that women who conceive on the Island end up dead. Adding more to Sun's dilemma is that she isn't sure who the father of the bay is: Jin's or her ex-lover's. If it is her ex-lover's she has shamed Jin. If it is Jin's, then she only has a limited time to live. Juliet confirms that it is Jin's baby, and Yunjin Kim goes through all the emotions: relieft, happiness, and fear as Sun realizes she is doomed.

Meanwhile, back with Desmond's group of him, Charlie, Hurley, and Jin, they try to help the female parachutist, as she is suffering from a punctured lung. Hurley accidentally sends up a flare, and who rushes to the scene? The thought dead Mikhail, of the Flame (Communication) station. The group realizes he should be dead, but Mikhail does not give anything away as to why he is still alive. He helps save the parachutist, lying about what she said after she was fine (she said "I am not alone", which Mikhail reported as "Thank you."), and then trying to steal the satellite phone. He doesn't steal the phone, but is allowed to go free, much to Charlie's chagrin.

The last quarter of the episode had two reveals: Juliet infiltrated the Lostaway's camp to collect samples from the females to see if anyone can be impregnated and the female parachutist reveals that Oceanic FLight 815 was found with no survivors. What does that mean? The producers have said that the Island is not Purgatory and the survivors aren't dead. The feasible explanation is that whoever is providing supply for and funding the Others also has the resources to fake a destroyed plane and used that to throw any rescuers off the real trail. It reiterates that the only person who can help the survivors find rescue is Desmond.

Although not mythos heavy, this episode was better than average because of the fine acting. The twist at the end added a new layer to the show that I hope is explored more.

3 1/2 Flare Guns out of 5.

The Simpsons Ride!

2007-04-25T17:34:00.000-04:00

Here is one of the many articles on a new ride coming to Universal Studios:

http://www.miamiherald.com/459/story/85915.html

I cannot wait till it opens! I love The Simpsons and I loved the Back to the Future ride it is taking over.

Remember, The Simpsons Movie is coming out July 27!

The Simpsons: "Marge Gamer" Review

2007-04-23T09:01:00.000-04:00

The world of Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games is ripe for parody. South Park tore into World of Warcraft earlier this year. Now The Simpsons takes on these games with the eipsode "Marge Gamer".

Marge finally discovers the internet and after clicking through some banner ads finds "Earthland Realms", a parody of WoW. The game looks like and plays like WoW, with quests and spells. The big baddie in Earthland Realms is the Black Knight, who is controlled by Bart. Of course, how bad could Bart be with his mom now hanging around? Marge decorates the Black Knight's lair with Hello Kitty stuff and embarasses him in front of his minions. Bart learns to accept his mom, giving up his life to protect her. She then cheerily says that she will hunt down every one of his murders to seek revenge.

The B-plot has Lisa playing soccer with Homer as a referee. At first, Homer does not know anything about soccer and Lisa gets mad at him being uninformed. Then Homer starts to call the games accurately, but with a bias towards Lisa and her flopping. Homer gets called out on this and is forced to call a foul on Lisa. Lisa gets upset and the usual plotline with a Simpson child having a rift with Homer plays out. The only difference is this time Homer is actually in the right.

This episode was not anything special. While the visual references to WoW were funny, the episode often decided to enter the Earthland world and make it seem like The Simpsons were doing a medieval tribute and not a gaming one. Many Springfieldians appeared in EArthland Realms, but their appearances varied from humanoid to hybrid of animals, which really isn't a feature of MMOs. Lisa suddenly picking up soccer seemed to come out of nowhere, occuring almost halfway through the episode.

Some of the jokes hit (Marge's character selection, Mrs. Krabapple's profession in Earthland Realms) and some of the jokes didn't (Homer on "Google Earth"). Overall, the episode is not a memorable one.

2 1/2 Kidnapped Moes out of 5.

Retro Movie Review: "Ghost World"

2007-04-22T11:02:00.001-04:00

There have been comic book superhero movies like Spider-Man and X-Men and there have been serious comic book movies like American Splendor. Ghost World (2001) belongs in that second catergory, as it is a movie not about costumed people, but about a teenaged girl struggling to find her place in the world. The geeky girl, Enid, is played by Thora Birch, of American Beauty fame, and her best friend, Rebecca, is played by a mousy version Scarlett Johansson. These two characters turn a cynical eye towards the world around then, yet after their high school graduation, are forced to grow up in this world.

Rebecca easily adjusts to her new life, but Enid rallies against it, especially after she has to attend a summer school class to officially graduate. Enid finds company with an older man Seymour (Steve Buscemi) who she played a practical joke on. She bonds with Buscemi's socially inept character and, against her nature, develops feeling for him. However, in this world, nothing can be easy, as Enid's pursuit of Seymour alienates Rebecca and initially retards her own growth. Enid is truly a "ghost", floating through the world, not wanting to make any real contact with anyone else. She is stuck between two worlds, and she does not want to enter either one.

Unlike American Splendor which used its comic book roots in the presentation of itself, with weird shots and direction, Ghost World plays out as an "indie" movie. It seems like a typical low budgeted movie that doesn't try to outshine itself and the directing is typical of that sorta movie. The film doesn't broadcast that it is a quirky comic book story, rather, it presents itself as just a quirky story. This is ironic, since Ghost World was a fictional comic book story, while American Splendor was an autobiographical comic book tale by Harvey Pekar.

This film was enjoyable and it was nice to see two beautiful actresses, Birch and Johansson, dress down for a role. Since her star has risen, Johansson's looks have eclipsed any talk of her acting ability. Ghost World, which was made before Scarlett's big arrival, shows that she has some acting chops. Birch though has seemed to faded away a little bit since her role in American Beauty, but hopefully she returns to the big screen soon. Buscemi is the key third role in the film, and he, as always, plays the outcast, weirdo role very well. All three actors lifted the movie from typical fare to something more.

4 Old Time Records out of 5.

New Movie Review: "Fracture"

2007-04-21T22:12:00.000-04:00

Anthony Hopkins (Silence of the Lambs) is one of those actors who play understated creepiness really well. Hopkins doesn't flail his arms about to create hysteria, no, he keeps his body rigid as he lets his voice tell the story. Skin crawls when he opens his mouth.

Hopkins gets the opportunity to be that type of actor in the movie Fracture. In the opening sequence, he kills his wife with disturbing normalcy. He has perfectly planned out this murder, as he manages to make it seem like he is innocent in the eyes of the court. The prosecuting attorney, played by Ryan Gosling (The Notebook) with a slightly odd Southern accent, is initially arrogant, ready to leave the DA's office for greener pastures. Gosling's character, Willie Beachum, becomes increasingly frustrated as he runs into dead ends that Hopkins character, Crawford, set up. As Willie's bright future seems to be slipping away, Crawford steps up the mind games.

It has been a while since I saw a pure drama. This movie is a pure drama. Aside from the opening murder, there is very little "action". There are no car chases or big explosions. The focus is purely on Gosling and Hopkins. The film tries to shoehorn a romantic subplot with Gosling's character, but it never really materializes and sorta fizzles out in the end. Some lawyer cliches pop up, but they are actually brushed aside as ridiculous and they movie uses them in a refreshing way.

This is a movie with a lot of talking. Normally, that could be very boring. But in the capable hands and mouths of Hopkins and Gosling, the movie never bogs down in exposition. Things move at brisk pace and only drags at bit in the middle. But it is a brief drag and things soon pick up. This movie is definitely an intriguing bit of cinema.

4 Old Sports out of 5.

Lost: "Catch-22" Review

2007-04-19T07:50:00.000-04:00

While the last couple of Lost episodes were homeruns, tonight's Desmond-centric episode was not quite a four bagger. It was more like a long fly ball that is just out of the outfielder's grasp so that the hitter gets a double. Meaning in the end it was exciting, but for a few moments it was almost routine.

The episode opens up with the death of Charlie. Yep, the Singing Hobbit gets an arrow in the throat, courtesy of the Ironic Island. Apparently, Charlie, Jin, Hurley, and Desmond were treking through the jungle when Charlie got the wrong end of a Rousseau trap. Of course, this is really just a vision, and Desmond sees some other interesting things: Hurley finding the cable that leads to the beacon, a red light in the sky, and someone hanging from a tree. Oh, and his picture with him and Penny in it. Desmond takes this as a sign that Penny is coming to the Island to rescue him and seeks to recreate the events, right down to Charlie's death.

In Desmond's flashback, we see him before he met Penny. He is in training to be a monk, but the real reason why he is in an abbey is because he ran away from marriage from his previous girlfriend. Desmond is always seeking something else, he is always running away from himself, and this flashback reinforces that theme. He thinks he is destined for something big (though he is not egotistical about it) and finds ways to keep going towards that goal, whether it be communing with God or sacrificing Charlie to see his Penny.

In the B-plot, Sawyer, Kate, and Jack are trying to sort out their love triangle. Jack and Sawyer has somewhat grown up and are friendly towards each other, but Kate is still a bit jealous of Jack and Juliet. In fact, seeing them together leads to Kate jumping Sawyer. Sawyer has some funny lines in this episode, with his ping pong discussion with Jack, to his asking of Jack and Juliet whose the favorite Other. Sawyer has seemed to mature a little over the past few episode that although he still calls Kate "Freckles", he has toned down the jackass in him.

Back to Desmond. He can't go through with sacrificing Charlie and saves him from the arrow. He is distraught, especially when they stumble upon the person who ejected from the helicopter Desmond saw in his vision. Desmond thinks it is Penny and calls out for her. But the parachutist is barely alive and isn't Penny. She does however, recognize Desmond, saying his name before she passes out. So was she sent to find Desmond by Penny, and hence why Desmond found his picture in the parachutist's belonging? Hmmmm...

There were a lot of Easter Eggs peppered throughout the episode. The biggest one is that the old lady from Desmond's previous FB, the one who warned Des that he can't change the future, appeared in a picture at the abbey Des was staying in. Also, the monks bottled 108 wine bottles a year and the mention of Abraham and Isaac leads to the fact that Isaac had a son named Jacob. Jacob is an important name this season.

This episode was a good solid hour of entertainment. Though not a mindscrew like last week's was or as mythos heavy as others have been lately, the episode served its purpose. Rescue may be on the horizon for our Lostaways.

3 1/2 Superman vs. Flash debates out of 5.

Lost: "One of Us" Review

2007-04-12T15:24:00.000-04:00

And the hits keep on coming!

Tension reaches new heights on Lost, as in "One of Us" Juliet, the Other left behind, comes to the survivors' beach, trying to join in. She witnesses the reunion of Jack, Sayid, and Kate with the rest of the cast and is visually apart from them. Being abandoned by Ben, Juliet wants to be accepted by the Lostaways, to find a community. But does she deserve it? After all, she was part of the group that kidnapped and mentally tortured our heroes.

Sayid and Sawyer do not trust her. Sayid wants answers and Sawyer remembers what The Others did to him and Kate. Sawyer continues his character growth, with his touching, tender hug to Kate upon her return, and his teaming with Sayid to keep an eye on Juliet. Jack vouches for Juliet's trustiness, much to the chagrin of the survivors. Cracks are starting to appear in survivor's faith in Jack. They cannot fathom why Jack would side with the enemy over them. And it is compounded even further when he reveals he made a deal with Ben. Hurley even tries to grill Juliet and warn her about the last time an Other entered camp (Ethan).

Through Juliet's flashbacks we learn why she was chosen by The Others: women on the Island have a problem being pregnant. These women's bodies often reject the life growing inside of them and their immune system kills them both. Originally brought to the Island on the sub after being voluntarily drugged, Juliet wants to return home after 6 months, as per her deal. However, Ben uses Juliet's sister against her, and says that her sister's cancer is back and it can only be cured (by the mysterious Jacob) if Juliet stays on the Island. Juliet stays and starts a relationship with later-killed-by-Ana-Lucia Goodwin. However, after 3 years, when Ben gets his tumor and Juliet's faith in the healing abilities of Ben, Juliet wants out again. On the day of the plane crash, Ben takes Juliet to the communication station and Mikhail, who is monitoring the news of the crash. Ben shows Juliet that her sister is still alive, and has a 2 year old boy. Juliet's misplace faith is once again restored.

Juliet finally starts to gain acceptance with the survivors when Claire falls ill. She reveals that she had a part in Claire's abduction and that is the source of her illness. However, Juliet also says she knows how to cure Claire and is allowed to run off to get some medicine. She has a staredown with Sayid and Sawyer, reminding them that they have no moral high ground over her, and seemingly saves the day. The survivors allow her to stay on the beach and Jack has a spot picked out for her. Juliet is now somewhat accepted and seems assimilated.

...Which is what Ben wanted. Juliet turns from sympathetic to snake in the grass quickly in the last five minutes. The final flashback reveals that Juliet joining Jack and company is all a set up. Her and Ben went over a plan, with Juliet handcuffing herself to Kate and all that followed, so that Juliet can accomplish some unknown goal. Ben has the final line of the episode: "See you in one week." What will happen in one week? And the omninous last shot of Juliet, stonefaced, looking over the cast is chilling. Does she want Sun and her Island-conceived baby? Or Desmond and his ability to see the future? Or Charlie for some Ethan-inspired revenge?

Is it Wednesday yet?

4 1/2 Glasses of OJ out of 5.

New Movie Review: "Meet The Robinsons"

2007-04-07T23:57:00.000-04:00

The animated flick "Meet the Robinsons" is the first one from a combined Pixar/Disney studio. When Pixar was abosrbed into Disney, the heads of Pixar too the original "Robinsons" outline and put their mark on it.

The result is a movie that is frantic and funny, but not totally Pixar. The plot is somewhat thin and their is a twist that one can see coming a mile away. Still, it is an enjoyable film that has one unique quality: it has been released in both normal and 3-D prints. I had the pleasure of seeing it in 3-D and it certainly played very well in that format. The 3-D is not intrusive and feels natural.

The plot is a young kid, a genius inventor whose inventions never quite work, has one his inventions stolen by a man from the future. A boy from the future also is around and he takes the young kid, Lewis, to the future to meet The Robinsons, the wacky bunch from whom the time machines that brought the two future people to Lewis's present. The story unfolds in the future as the villain tries to get to Lewis and destroy him, with the usual hijinks. Talking animals, pop culture references, and dazzling animations all make an appearance.

The movie was entertaining, and all though the theater was filled with children, the flick was entrancing enough that they all remained silent. That is a mark of a good children's film. With Pixar's backing, "Meet the Robinsons" also had enough juice in it to entertain us older folks.

3 1/2 Bowler Hats out of 5.

Lost: "Left Behind" Review

2007-04-05T13:51:00.000-04:00

Kate gets her moment to shine in the Lost episode "Left Behind." Usually, I find Kate-centric episodes boring, but this one was action-packed enough to leave me satisfied.

With Locke seemingly turned to The Others cause after the reveal of his father, the nefarious group decides to abandon Jack, Sayid, Kate, and surprisingly Juliet at Othersville by gassing them and heading off. When Kate awakens, she is in the jungle, handcuffed to Juliet. The two finally clash over the heart of Jack, with Kate, seemingly accidentally, dislocating Juliet's shoulder. Before anything else can happen, the Smoke Monster arrives, stalks our handcuffed couple, and seems to flash something. Then later, the Monster shows up again, and Juliet acknowledges that the Others know about the Monster but not what it is. She knows enough to tell Kate to get behind the sonic fence they stumbled upon, and turns it on. The Monster can't pass through it and leaves them alone. Juliet also reveals that she has the key to the handcuffs all along, but didn't use it because she didn't want to be left behind. Eventually, the two women make it back to camp and free Jack and Sayid. Sayid is suspicious of Juliet but Jack puts his foot down and tell them they all are going back to camp.

In Kate's flashback, we are taken to a time just after she killed her father. She is on the run, yet she wants to return to her mother to ask her why she gave Kate up to the feds. Along the way, Kate forms a partnership with Cassidy, the ex-lover of Sawyer. Seems Cassidy is now conning for a living and wants to help Kate out. Why? Because Cassidy is still upset at what Sawyer did to her and wants someone to be happy. This is the first time in a while this strong of a connection was made between two survivors and it plays out well. With Jack seemingly moved on to Juliet, Kate should be gravitating towards Sawyer more, and a flashback connection makes more fitting that they should hook up again. Also, in Kate's flashback, her mom says that one can't help who one loves, which Kate should remember, as one of her fears about Sawyer is that he is a man who will hurt her.

However, that may soon be changing. Sawyer has always had a heart of gold. To the viewer, we know he has a gruff exterior but is a damaged little boy. To the survivors though, he is just mean and rude. To this end, Hurley embarks on trying to change Sawyer. Hurley makes up a situation where Sawyer may be bannished if he doesn't start to play nice. Sawyer thinks he can go it alone, but is proven wrong. He finally caves in and starts to make amends, but soon learns that Hurley was tricking him. When asked why, Hurley says that Sawyer needs to step up as leader with Jack, Sayid, and Locke gone. Sawyer denies he wants this position, but Hurley thrusts it upon him. By the end of the episode, Sawyer seems that sometimes you can attract more bees with honey than vineager and seems to slowly recognize his new (temporary) position. Still, as he looks to Sun, he knows he is never going to be a virtuous man.

It will be interesting to see how Sawyer reacts with the return of Jack and company and his "demotion". Sawyer's character has always seemed to swing between the beginnings of redemption and the deceitful habits he has as a con man. Though I don't think we will ever see a truly straight and serious Sawyer, a Sawyer who accepts his role and doesn't rebel might be in the future.

This episode felt like the start of the rollercoaster rising to the top of big drop. Something is building, there is going to be tension, you can feel it, but it is apparent what it is quite yet. The anticipation is starting to creep in.

4 Mud Wrestling Losties out of 5

New Movie Review: "Blades of Glory"

2007-03-31T13:07:00.000-04:00

Will Ferrell makes funny movies. He makes successful movies. He is part of the influential "Frat Pack". So can his new movie, "Blades of Glory", live up to his reputation?

The movie follows Ferrell's and Jon Heder's ice skaters, once rivals, now teammates, Chazz Michael Michaels and Jimmy McEnvoy. They hate each other, but in order to skate once more after being banned from the sport, the need to become pairs skaters. Ferrell's typical boorish persona plays well against Heder's innocence. Chazz is a lot more self-destructive than Ferrell's typical characters, and since his fall happens early in the movie, the Ferrell egotistical, dumber than he looks portrayal never really plays out. It is more like Chazz is an original character with Ferrell's stamp on it than a character that Ferrell created himself. CMM is still funny, but he is a little toned down from Ron Burgandy or Ricky Bobby.

Joining Heder and Ferrell are Will Arnett (Arrested Development) and Amy Poehler (Saturday Night Live) , their pairs skating competitors. The married couple play brother and sister in the movie, and they use their real life chemistry to bring an undercurrent of weirdness to the screen. Arnett and Poehler play their villains like typical comedic roles, with over-the-top scheming and evil plans that don't sound quite that serious. They also tend to wear outlandish costumes both on and off the ice. At one point, their figure skating routine is an "Ode to Hip-Hop" and it is quite the visual gag to see blonde-haired Poehler and lanky Arnett try to be "ghetto" on the ice. Jenna Fischer (The Office) plays the sister of Arnett and Poehler, who is manipulated by the duo through guilt. Fischer's character is essential Pam Beesley on ice, a woman who is made to be plain and not really strong enough to break out of the rut that Fate handed her. In certain parts of the movie, Fischer actually uses some body language that I have seen her use on The Office, which is an interesting choice, if it was a conscious one.

Also joining the cast is Craig T. Nelson, as the singularly named Coach. Of course, Nelson played Coach on TV, in Coach. That makes for a long running joke that is neither really funny or really serious. There are little cameos sprinkled throughout the movie, from real life figure skaters to other popular comedians. Unlike other movies with Ferrell, these cameos aren't funnny because it is a cameo, merely, they are funny because they actually serve the joke.

While BOG isn't a laugh-a-minute like Ferrell's previous movies, it was less random and more coherent. Ferrell isn't the main attraction due to the great supporting cast. The movie is fun and zippy and has the right amount of silliness to make it an enjoyable, if not completely ridiculous, film.

3 1/2 Nancy Kerrigan references out of 5.

Lost: "Expose" Review

2007-03-29T20:16:00.000-04:00

Nina and Pablo, I mean Nikki and Paolo get their moment in the sun in the Lost episode "Expose". The duo was much derided due to the blunt way in which they were introduced onto the show this year. They popped out of no where and seemingly added nothing to the show. Well, after tonight's episode, you might say they added nothing, but the way they were subtracted was immense.

We learned, through their combined flashbacks, about their pre-Island life and how they spent their time on the Island. Nikke and Paolo killed a man to steal his diamonds. On the Island, they searched for those diamonds, eventually leading them to the small plane of Eko's brother and the Pearl hatch before anyone else stumbled upon them. It was like a greatest hits volume of Lost. Nikki and Paolo were there for Jack's big speech in the fourth episode of the series. They became friends with the late, blown-up Dr. Arzt. They even encountered Boone and Shannon, in a return to the series from Maggie Grace and Ian Somerhold. Their return was welcomed and unexpected.

As the episode unfolds, in present time, Nikki and Paolo are found in the jungle, apparently dead with no marks on them. As the flashbacks unravel, we see their search for the diamonds on the Island tears them apart. Paolo eventualyl finds the diamonds and hides them in the Pearl hatch. Nikki finds out that Paolo has the diamonds and attacks him with a spider that Dr. Arzt left behind. The spider bites Paolo, paralyzing him...

...Then the sound of the monster is heard and more spiders arrive to bite and paralyze Nikki. so both people are paralyzed, unable to move or speak and that is how the survivors find them. Since they appear dead, the survivors bury Nikki and Paolo. Let me repeat that, they bury those two alive! It was a dark twist for the episode.

There were ither highlights for the episode. There were a lot of meta-references, such as when Nikki, as an actress, says that all guest stars die and when Nikki tells Paolo before they board the plane that she doesn't want them to become like Shannon and Boone who had just made a rude entrance. Also, Charlie confessed to Sun that he and Sawyer were the one who kidnapped her. Sun seemed to let Charlie off the hook, but she ends up slapping Sawyer.

The episode might not have advanced any significant plot points, but it was a great standalone episode.

4 Toliet Flushes out of 5.

The Simpsons: "Homerazzi" Review

2007-03-26T10:59:00.000-04:00

From the opening couch gag of the evolution of Homer to the closing bit about Marge and her "Mrs. Mom" movie idea, "Homerazzi" was firing on all funny cylinders. The Simpsons definitely picked up the slack from their last (unfunny) episode.

Through a series of events that could only unfold on this show, Homer becomes a paparazzi and stalks/snaps pictures of Springfield's local celebs. Homer reports to the editor of the local tabloid, whose palyed by J.K Simmons (Spider-Man). This is the second appearance of Simmons this season, each time playing a riff on his portrayal of J. Jonah Jameson. Homer also meets up with Betty White, who actually cares for Homer although he is a shutterbug. Jon Lovitz makes his ninth appearance on The Simpsons as a rival cameraman hired to make Homer look bad (which is very easy).

Eventually, Homer and celebrities make nice and things work out in the end. The funny part of the episode were the celebrities. You had Paris Texan, the parody of Paris Hilton. You had Kent Brockman and Mayor Quimby dressed up in interesting costumes. And Homer's main foe was Rainer Wolfcastle, the Schwarzenegger homage. At one point, Homer crashes his wedding to Maria Shriver Kennedy Quimby, completing the parody. It was interesting to see The Simpsons biting humor take on the rich and the famous. It was both a loving ode and a cutting satire.

This episode really stood out and I felt it was one the best ones in recent years.

4 1/2 Hidden Cameras out of 5.

Book Review: "Cell"

2007-03-25T15:03:00.000-04:00

Cell, written by horror master Stephen King, tells the story about the end of the word via cell phones. A message, unknown in intent and origin, is broadcast one day turning listeners into telepathic zombies. They aren't dead, but they aren't quite human anymore. One man, a father, embarks on a journey from Boston to Maine to see his son and wife. Along the way, he meets up with other people, runs afoul of "phoners" and seeks a happy ending.

King has done the Apocalypse saga before, in The Stand. Unfortunately for Cell, The Stand does it better. King's description of the chaos caused by "The Pulse" pales in comparison to his work in The Stand. It seems like King couldn't decide between describing the anarchy or moving the plot forward and the first half of the book suffers for it. Also, the main character, Clay, worries about his wife and son in every other chapter in the first half of the book. The repetitive nature grates as the reader gets the point. Also, the dynamic King assigns to the relationships Clay has with his wife (they recently separated) and his dear son makes the ending apparent after reading the first description.

However, the book does pick up in the second half, with a Randall Flag character emerging and more of the "phoners" background is explored. The plot feels like it is actually heading somewhere, and some of the cliches that King uses feel excusable. Clay and his band of survivors committ a "sin" and become outcasts in a rather predictable circumstance, but after that, the story heads into high gear. The story never becomes a bone-chiller, a story you are afraid to read at night, but it does fall in line with recent King works that are more about the characters than the horror.

One problem I had with Cell and I had the same problem with Brad Meltzer's The Book of Fate is the use of short chapters. King divides his novel into main sections with "sub" chapters. However, these sub chapters are only a few pages long and can start in the middle of the page. It causes a little chopiness when trying to read and doesn't allow for a good jumping off place if you want to stop reading for a while.

This isn't a masterpiece and as said, Cell is a cheaper version of The Stand. However, it was far from horrible and is a good light read.

2 1/2 Ringtones out of 5.

Lost: "The Man from Tallahassee" Review

2007-03-22T15:24:00.000-04:00

Wow.

Lost knows how to end its episodes. Even though you might guess what is going to happen a few minutes before the end, the reveal is always mindblowing. That aspect of Lost was fully on display in "The Man from Tallahasssee". With Locke's father issues, when Ben started to talk about how the Island can give you your deepest wish, the fact that Anthony Cooper, Locke's dad, was in The Others' care was not too surprising. But the set up and execution was excellent. Locke's final cry of "Dad?" harkens back to the other J.J. Abrams show, Alias, first season finale, when Syndeny cried out "Mom?".

Let's backtrack a bit though. In the episode, The Island Swat Team tries to rescue Jack. Jack, however, wants no rescue and tells Kate that he is leaving the Island. Kate feels betrayed, but Locke didn't come to Otherville for Jack. No, he wants revenge on Ben and The Others, who he feels is violating the Island's mysticism. Locke intends to blow up The Others' submarine and strand them on the Island. Ben wants this too, because he doesn't want Jack to leave because that would undermine Ben's leadership. Ben manipulates Locke, who doesn't seem to care, and in the end they both get what they want. Also, a partnership of sorts is forged, as Locke can communicate with the Island, which Ben wants desperately to do. Ben seems to want to be the Obi-Won to Locke's Luke (or possibly Anakin) Skywalker.

Secrets are revealed in this episode. Sayid encounters Alex and let's her know that her mother is still alive. Locke was paralyzed when his father pushes him out a window to plummet 8 stories. Dr. Alpert, who recruited Juliet in her flashback, is on the Island. Suddenly, the story and plot are building towards something...something big it seems.

Lost, like a train in the 1800s, has been picking up steam lately and is barreling straight ahead.

4 1/2 C-4 out of 5

My Name is...A Review of Alias: The Complete Series

2007-03-17T21:56:00.000-04:00

Before Lost, there was Alias for J.J. Abrams. Alias follows the life of superspy Sydney Bristow, played by Jennifer Garner. The supporting cast included Victor Garber (Titanic) as her spy daddy and Kevin Weisman (Clerk II) as her tech support. The show lasted 5 seasons, though that last season was only 17 episodes long. The show's plot had Garner dressing up as various pseudonyms and included some outrageous wigs. Also, although there were many stand alone episodes, there was an overarcing storyline to each season, and yes, a reoccuring theme to the whole show.

That theme involved a 16th century prophet named Rambaldi. Ron Rifkin played Sydney's archnemesis and sometimes ally, Arvin Sloane. Sloane is obsessed with Rambaldi and his prophecies. The interplay between Rifkin and Garner and especially Rifkin and Garber are the highlights of the show. Garber and Rifkin, refine actors that they are, did not underplay their roles. They generally seemed comfortable and seem to respect their characters. Throughout the series, Garber's Jack evolves for a detached dad to a dedicated father to Garner's Sydney. Slowly, his veneer cracks and Sydney's emotional walls concerning her dad come down. Rifkin's Sloane fluctuates between genuine love for Sydney (and another character that emerges at the end of the third season) and genuine evil. Rifkin straddles the line very well, and at times, you root for Sloane, even as he double crosses everyone in his life that he cares for.

Sydney's main love interest (and for a short time, her real life boyfriend) Michael Vaughn, played by Michael Vartan also excels. So does Weisman, who makes his character, Marshall, the lovable nerd. Carl Lumbly rounds off the main cast as Syndey's long time partner, Dixon. Again, a J.J. Abrams show has strong casting taht enhances the experience. Even reoccuring parts, from David Anders' sneaky Sark to Lena Olin's Irina make each episode they are in sparkle. Even Terry O'Quinn, who would go on to become Locke in Abrams' Lost, showed up in a handful of episodes.

One of the main criticisms of the show was that after its second season, the show started to fall apart. While it is true that certain people's backstories became convoulted and continuity was sometimes confusing, the show's pace remained the same, at least on DVD. Watching a string of episodes back-to-back heightened plotlines and made it easier to follow. Much like when I first started watching Lost on DVD, there were many times where I felt the need to finish a disc of four episodes after watching just one. However, seasons two, three, and four each had a big secret, that while suspenseful, also lead to an annoyed feeling of "When are they going to find out?" Although twists that only the audience knows about are par for the course in a show like Alias, after a while they become tedious. Thankfully, by the fourth season, that season's secret was downplayed and wasn't as emphasized as it was during the second and third seasons. Also, each season found a new big bad terrorist organization to go against, which is sorta eye-rolling at times.

The cinematography on the show was spectacular. There was definitely an action movie vibe, from the lighting to the special effects. a behind-the-scenes featurette showed that there is extensive use of blue screens and other devices. Garner definitely pulls off the action star role, though it didn't translate as well on the big screen in Elektra. Everybody on the cast, even Weisman's nerd character, gets a chance to kick butt in at least one episode. In general, the action seems realistic, with very little high-wire kung fu.

I was thoroughly entertained by the series. I got the opportunity to watch the last three seasons through my purchase of the complete set, which came in a Rambaldi box (which was involved in a few episodes). The extras were good, but I have yet to listen to any commentary, so I am hoping that too will be entertaining. I recommend picking up the first season and based on those viewing, deciding if you want to continue. If the first season captures you, you will not be disappointed with the rest of the show.

4 J.J.s out of 5.

Funny Lost Music Video

2007-03-17T00:31:00.000-04:00

There was a Lost music video, featuring Weird Al's Bohemian Rhapsody as the music, that circulated the net.

Well, I just found another Weird Al/Lost mash up, and it is pretty funny.

Enjoy!

Lost: "Par Avion" Review

2007-03-15T14:16:00.000-04:00

Airmail.

That's what this episode of Lost's title means. And it makes sense, both literally, as Claire successfully tried to attach a message to a migratory bird, and figuratively, as the episode was fast paced and brought the plot from point A to point B.

The Claire-centric episode told the story of a teenage Claire, involved in a car accident with her mother, feeling alone and guilty for her actions in her Flashbacks. On the Island, Claire is not so alone anymore, but with Charlie acting suspicious around Desmond, she fears abandonment. She comes up with an idea to get everyone rescued, but Charlie's reluctance pains her. Eventually, she finds out from Desmond that the Scot sees Charlie's death and it seems like each time, Claire is inadvertantly involved.

This mirrors Claire's flashback, as the she feels directly responsible for the car accident that causes her mother to fall into a coma. A brunette Claire is a rebellious teen, and with her mom in a come, she can never take back the horrible things she said. Things don't look much better when an American doctor, one Christian Shephard shows up. Jack's father reveals that he is also Claire's father, but Claire is taken aback when Dr. Shephard suggests that she let her mother die. She is so upset she doesn't even want to know his name. I screamed at the screen at this point, yelling "Bastards!" as Claire choses not to know her father's name and her connection to Jack.

The B-plot picked up from last week's hatch encounter, with The Island Strike Force, Sayid, Locke, Kate, and Rousseau, bring a prisoned Mikhail on their quest to find Othersville. Mikhail laughs at the assumption that The Others know nothing abotu the survivors, listing the full names of each of the survivors and almost revealing that Locke was paralyzed. On their way, they run into a lethal fence that uses soundwaves to kill. Locke, angry, pushes Mikhail into the fence and kills him. Sayid also finds the C4 from the Flame station in Locke's backpack, leading to the reveal that Locke knew that the station would possibly exploded when he entered 77. His apparent anger at the Others for all their manipulations seems to be boiling over.

Tension is high in the group as they jerry-rig an apparatus to scale the fence. They finally reach the Barracks. They see Jack running. Kate goes to call for him, but Sayid stops her. They then see Jack catch a football and celebrate an imagianry touchdown with Other Tom. He seems happy. And then the Lost end title comes up. At this closing scene, I laughed for about 5 minutes. But it was a good laugh. I wasn't shocked (I read about this scene in an EW article), but it was pretty funny to see the dramatic Lost music and closing as Jack playing football.

This episode was pretty solid. Again, it was pretty light on mythos, but it was great storytelling. Lost is definitely picking up momentum.

3 1/2 Auntie Suns out of 5.

Box Office Bombings: Box Office Breakdown 3/12/07

2007-03-12T21:33:00.000-04:00

Tonight, we dine at the movies! Yes, it's the Weekend Box Office for Monday, March 12th, 2007.

1. 300
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $70 million
Total Gross: $70 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Yes, that's right, 70 million. How about that for an opening? Breaks the record for largest March opening and the 3rd largest R-rated opening. That's one hell of a Frank Miller epic there.

2. Wild Hogs
Last Week Rank: 1st
Weekend Gross: $27.6 million
Total Gross: $77 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: 300 nearly made more than this movie did in 2 weeks, but sadly people are still going to see this stupid crap. What can I say, it's a pig indeed.

3. Bridge To Terabithia
Last Week Rank: 4th
Weekend Gross: $6.8 million
Total Gross: $66.9 million
Weeks Out: 4
Musings: Wait a minute, this one went UP in the rankings. Wow, that is saying something about the power of fantasy kids films doesn't it? To be fair, the next two were very close to beating this out, but it's impressive nonetheless.

4. Ghost Rider
Last Week Rank: 3rd
Weekend Gross: $6.7 million
Total Gross: $104 million
Weeks Out: 4
Musings: Congrats to Marvel for another $100 million movie. Not so congrats to Nicholas Cage, because this may give him the bad idea that he's a good actor and Wicker Man says otherwise.

5. Zodiac
Last Week Rank: 2nd
Weekend Gross: $6.6 million
Total Gross: $23.6 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: Doesn't look all that good for this one now, it was outlasted by films out 2 weeks longer than it. Maybe Jake doesn't have quite the star power he thinks he does.

6. Norbit
Last Week Rank: 6th
Weekend Gross: $4.3 million
Total Gross: $88.3 million
Weeks Out: 5
Musings: Oh boy, it stagnated at 6, not cool. Stop seeing this movie! Stop giving Eddie money! Let it fall, please.

7. The Number 23
Last Week Rank: 5th
Weekend Gross: $4.1 million
Total Gross: $30.2 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: Aha, there's the number 23 in 30.2, close enough. Jim, maybe you want to start making comedies again? Not saying you should, but this isn't really the way to go.

8. Music And Lyrics
Last Week Rank: 7th
Weekend Gross: $3.7 million
Total Gross: $43.8 million
Weeks Out: 4
Musings: It's got no competition in romantic comedies so no surprise. May take an unfortunate amount of time to fall off the rankings.

9. Breach
Last Week Rank: 10th
Weekend Gross: $2.5 million
Total Gross: $29 million
Weeks Out: 4
Musings: Well hold the phone, what I thought would drop off also went up and may not fall out immediately, hard to say. Either way, that's impressive for a film almost no one cares about.

10. Amazing Grace
Last Week Rank: 11th
Weekend Gross: $2.5 million
Total Gross: $11.4 millionWeeks Out: 3
Musings: This is an even bigger surprise, completely falling off the rankings and actually making a comeback to the top ten. Not that it'll even be on the list next week, but kudos indeed.

-Gonch

Book Review: "Good Omens"

2007-03-10T21:19:00.000-05:00

Good Omens, written by Neil Gaiman (American Gods) and Terry Pratchett (Discworld) is a book in the syle of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in that it takes a decidedly British, fractured look at the Apocalypse. Here is a story about the boy Anti-Christ, a demon with sunglasses, a proper sounding angel, and the event they have to stop. Even the characters' names are funny and full of awkward, subtle humor.

This book was written in the late 80s, before Gaiman's American Gods and his work on the Sandman series, but you can see his love of mythology play. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse make an extended appearance, and appear in forms that are unique and interesting. Pollution has replaced Pestilence, and the reasoning behind that switch is made clear. The Anti-Christ, Adam Young, has his own gang to hag out with and is keenly unaware of his destiny. Though the plot revolves around Adam, for the most part, the novel focuses on other key characters. In fact, before the novel even begins, the reader is given a primer on all those who show up. It's nice to reference this list as the ball gets rolling.

A B-plot revolves around a book of predictions made 300 years ago that are totally correct, if not a little hard to decipher. Another B-plot involves a witchfinder and his reluctant protege. All these plots do come together in the end to a delightful conclusion. Since the book is meant to be funny, the jumping around is not detrimental to the flow and works to great effect.

Of course, religion plays a big role in the story, but the book isn't religious. You just have to accept that there is a Heaven and Hell and that's it. The book mirrors the creation, in that the action takes place over six days. There is some religious allegories going on, but those are mainly either from the Book of Revealations (which talks about the End of the World) or Old Testament references. Nothing will offend in this book.

Of course, since the story is written by two Brits, some of the humor gets lost on this American reader. The story takes place in one area of England. There is extensive humor derived from that highway system England employs and some of the terminology is purely English. Jokes are made abotu certain English items and towns. So while the tone is humorous and one tell that a joke is being made, it is hard for an American to truly laugh at certain parts. Still, overall, the book is enjoyable.

I would recommend picking up this book if you are a fan of Gaiman or Pratchett or Armaggedon. It's not a heavy read and the paperback edition fits nicely into small spaces.

3 1/2 Prophecies out of 5.

Crazy Lost Timeline

2007-03-09T00:05:00.000-05:00

After the Lost episode "Enter 77" where we learn that there were people on the Island, pre-Dharma, I've been trying to put together a timeline. What follows is my theory based on crazy guesses and my own mad thoughts.

This is based on Mikhail's story being somewhat true:

Sometime BC - The Island, presumably being somewhere in the Pacific, near the Phillipines, becomes inhabited. See the book Guns, Germs, and Steel about how the Pacific Rim islands became inhabited and each one having a different culture. The inhabitants are mystical in nature, and become the "Atlantis" of the Pacific. The natural phenemon on the Island, the electromagnetic field, lends credence to the seemingly mysterical view of the Island. They build the four toed statue

1600-1800s AD - The Island is discovered by a few European explorers, and they try to either convert the natives or try to wipe them out.

Late 1800s - The Black Rock, slave ship owned by Magnus Hanso, ancestor of Alvar Hanso (source: The Lost Experience) lands on the Island. The ship and its crew get integrated into the native culture, perhaps violently. Hanso dies and is bured (source: the Blast Door Map)

1970s AD - Dharma arrives on the Island, after Alvar Hanso and his Foundation recall Magnus's voyage. Although they are aware of the Natives, they set up shop anyways. A few years later, the "Incident" occurs due to a Native attack and the Swan Hatch (and Flame) have to be modified to take into account this attack.

1988 AD - Danielle and her crew crash on the Island. The Others get to her crew before Dharma people find out and take her baby. They also, perhaps unintentionally, infect Rousseau and her crew with a virus. Again, see Guns, Germs, and Steel about how virus played a large part in migration patterns. Could also be why Dharma wanted it's workers to be "Quarantined" to avoid native viruses. Eventually though, a cure is found.

1990s AD - Dharma gets fed up with constant Native presence, or the Natives get fed up with Dharma's intrusion onto their "Holy Land" and the "Purge" happens. Kelvin is stuck in the Swan Hatch, but the Natives take over all of Dharma's operations, posing as them to receive money and food and to manipulate the outside world.

Sometime After the Purge - Ben assumes leadership of Island Natives, while "Jacob" is either a real person, the Native "Chief" or the name of their god. The Natives rapidly educate themselves about the outside world and start to make incursion into our world.

2001 AD - Desmond crashes his boat. Kelvin has to quickly drag him to the hatch to avoid the Hostiles. As Kelvin is now allowed to venture more and more outside with Desmond at the button, he starts to feel that the Hostiles are gone or not bothersome anymore. That leads him to find a way to escape the Island and the button.

2004 AD - The Lostaways crash. The Natives are violent towards them because of their heritage of violent incursions. They believe they are the good guys, because they are the rightful inhabitants of the Island. People like Juliet, who they recruited, are trapped by the Others cult-like mentality.

I guess one question is why The Others, if Mikhail's story is to be believed, took over Dharma operations. They obviously have some outside influence, as they recruited Juliet and have contact with the outside world. If Dharma was trying to save the world, via what we were told in the Lost Experience, are The Others trying to end the world that caused them only pain?

Heroes: "Parasite" Review

2007-03-08T09:40:00.000-05:00

Another day, another dollar, another hero added to the mix. You guys better enjoy this one, cause we won't see Heroes again until April 23rd! That's just too long to wait, especially after this episode.

Diving right in, we pick up with the death of Simone, Isaac shoots at Peter a bit but Peter gets away. Isaac doesn't know what to do. Meanwhile Claire has run away with the Haitian, but really wants to go with Peter. She manages to sneak away from the Haitian at the airport however, not because she wants to be with Peter but because she refuses to go to Canada, damn canucks. We also learn that Mrs. HRG knows what's going on and has been pretending to not know, signaling Bennet when needed but he's still not really in control of things.

Nathan meanwhile is in Vegas to work with the FBI on spying on Linderman. Peter found this out back in his office when Nathan advised to talk to Mohinder and not incriminate Peter on the Simone issue. In Vegas though, Nathan meets up with Hiro who can't seem to get in to see Linderman but Nathan vouches for him. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Hiro actually gets his sword finally! Though the curator catches him, the first guard to arrive is noneother than Ando! Surprises galore. They get out of there by going ahead in time but wind up in a very dreadful future of New York. Still probably more friendly than being surrounded by Isaac's paintings.

Speaking of which, Isaac is met with the police, but luckily Simone walks in unharmed. Wait what was that? Yep she's just fine, you know except for the blood stains. Oh but wait, it's not her, but the shapeshifting Candace, aka NOT MYSTIQUE. NOT MYSTIQUE also fools HRG into thinking he's talking to his wife again, but Eric Roberts ain't no fool, no sir.

Back in Vegas, Nathan re-meets Jessika, friendly and not. She actually helps him on a mission to kill Linderman. When we finally meet him, it's none of than Chef Malcolm McDowell. Chef McDowell is preparing a pot pie that does not include a dash of murder on Nathan's part. Frankly, Nathan's stuck here moreso now that we know for sure the Chef knows all about the powered people. Oh of course, I figured McDowell would watch Heroes, makes sense. Just make sure you don't get caught in the Nexus with him, Nathan.

You want surprises? Here's one. Our local parasite, Sylar, is duped by Mohinder! Huzzah, Mo ain't a foo either and drugs Sy while tying him up and giving him a funky IV. Mo wants to use his DNA sample to help him out and then shoot Sylar. Except Sylar doesn't give a damn, as Mo let him be for too long and Sylar has managed to escape. Unfortunately for Peter, he picks the wrong time barge in, not unlike apparently Claire who barged in on her Grandmother Petrelli, where the Haitian is stationed (yeah I said it). Sylar takes hold of Peter, who realizes that Mo is trapped on the goddamn ceiling and proceeds to cut open his head. To be continued...

Hot damn, after last week's "contained" ep, we're treated to a shapeshifter, a wise Eric Roberts, Mohinder, and life-like Linderman, not to mention the loss of Peter's locks! No doubt, it's time for Gonch's Gold Medal of McDowell. Sylar may be one dangerous fellow, but nobody messes with the McDow.

-Gonch

Lost: "Enter 77" Review

2007-03-07T23:59:00.000-05:00

We have to keep Locke away from hatches, don't we?

After a mythos-light episode last week, this episode jumps feet (or head, depending on your point of view) into mythology. We learn that The Others (or Hostiles as they once were called) are not part of Dharma in any way. Dharma tried to "purge" the Island of these Hosthers (TM Adam Entertainment), but failed. How recent was this purge? Three years ago, when Desmond first landed on the Island, Kelvin, the guy in the Swan, said the Hostiles were still out there and that Dharma was still active. However, were the Hostiles involved in the "Incident" that occured when Dharma first started? So many questions!

We also that the cable that Sayid found in Season 1 is for a sonar beacon. The sonar beacon helps guides ships and that the Dharma Initiative, and now the Hosthers, have a submarine. The Flame was a communication hatch, but after the sky turned purple the satellite dish is not working. That is why Patchy, Mikhail, and Mrs. Klugh, making a return appearance, are in the Flame, trying to fix it. Klugh's reapperance was a pleasant surprise. Her exit though was the shocking part.

The flashbacks centered on Sayid and the consequences of his tortuous past. He gets kidnapped and locked up by the husband of a former victim. He gets put through the wringer until he admits he tortured the woman and is released. The parallel on the Island is that Sayid, Locke, Rousseau and Kate have found Patchy from the Pearl feed in a new hatch: The Flame. After a bit of misconception on both sides, Sayid gains the upper hand and fishes for some info. Is the admitted truth, cold and harsh, better than the lie? Should pain and death be the ultimate price for truth?

Of course, we also get another instance of the Island using animals to communicate with the survivors. First, it was the boar for Sawyer in Season 1, then Kate's black horse in Season 2, and now a cat from Sayid's past. It is a reoccuring theme. I hope no survivors flushed a goldfish down the toliet.

Back on the beach, Sawyer starts a Ping Pong game to get his stuff back. If he loses, and you know he is going to, he can't make any nicknames for a week. Hurley soundly beats him, much to Sawyer's chagrin. I am glad they didn't spend too much time on the beach with this storyline. It was fun, but the main focus should have been and was on the new hatch.

Now Sayid and company have a map and are on the path to Othersville. There is a confrontation coming.

3 1/2 Saddled Horses out of 5.

Dreamweaver: "Terra's Eyes"

2007-03-06T20:46:00.000-05:00

Unfortunately, our country is at war. Whether or not you think it is a just war is a topic that an entertainment blog will not discuss. What it will discuss is something that's been lacking since the end of the Cold War: a comedy about world events. I am talking about a Dr. Strangelove type of movie. Sometimes, serious times demand not so serious movies.

Since the War on Terror is a sensitive topic, I can see why a movie in the mold of a silly yet relevant satire such as Strangelove hasn't been made. But all the ingredients are there to be satired: the ease of pointing fingers, an administration that sometimes doesn't look like they know what they are doing, a president who seems out of his league. But the key is not to make it a parody of Bush and company, but government in this day and era in general.

Like I said, for the movie to work, you can't go for the easy jokes. You have to have some different levels of humor going. Also, you would have to make fun of us, the American public. Have us believing one thing one minute, then completely doing a 180 the next. Have the characters that are in power constantly taking polls of what the public thinks and having the questions and the answers be totally ridiculous. Sample dialogue: "Sir, the latest polls are in! 60% of Americans think we should invade Mars, based on it's sinister sounding name!" "Sir, our approval ratings are down to 40% and our Nielson rating is only a 8.7!" You could have the military constantly changing targets to bomb as more and more "evidence" comes in. Also, repeat the title outloud. It's a pun! And memorable!

Look to "Team America: World Police" as to what a satire about today's world can be. Sure, that movie was crude, but it was funny and a satire. Right now, it is the Strangelove of the 21st century. But I think there could be a better, more funny, more subtle, and more beloved movie in that vain.

I have a lot more plot and scenes I could discuss, but I don't want to be flagged for anything!

Box Office Bombings: Box Office Breakdown 3/5/07

2007-03-05T19:36:00.000-05:00

I bet you're starting to feel a bit queasy. I advise you catch up with the Weekend Box Office for Monday, March 5th, 2007 and call me in the morning. Or not, it's all the same really.

1. Wild Hogs
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $38 million
Total Gross: $38 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: I am deeply saddened for this country's moviegoing culture. Wild Hogs? Are you kidding me? Not to mention it pulled in the 2nd biggest haul of 2007. This movie is a joke, 3 washed up actors and the totally out of place William H. Macy do not a good film make. John Travolta, Tim Allen, and Martin Lawrence? Did they put them all together so we'd be able to avoid them all at once? Felicity Huffman is not impressed, Will.

2. Zodiac
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $13.1 million
Total Gross: $13.1 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: That's a little better. Jake Gyllenhaal (don't care if I spelled that right) is a cartoonist tracking the real life Zodiac killer in San Francisco, back when San Fran wasn't Anchorman territory. What makes the movie unfortunate is not its lack of thrills but apparently its overwhelming length and the fact that we know this guy was never caught. A lack of resolution doesn't always sit well with audiences...especially those who've been there for 2 and a half hours.

3. Ghost Rider
Last Week Rank: 1st
Weekend Gross: $11.5 million
Total Gross: $94.8 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: Another Marvel movie prepares to make $100 million. They'll be happy but the diehard fans aren't so much. Apparently Johnny's deal with the devil isn't played out exactly as it is in the comics and any change in the continuity of a second rate character is sure to spawn hate across tens of message boards on the interweb.

4. Bridge To Terabithia
Last Week Rank: 3rd
Weekend Gross: $8.6 million
Total Gross: $57.9 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: Following closely in Ghost Rider's coattails, it's still the premeire kids movie out there, not to mention the only fantasy movie. Well, if you don't count the fantasy that John Travolta still has star power.

5. The Number 23
Last Week Rank: 2nd
Weekend Gross: $7 million
Total Gross: $24.7 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: Awww, I would have changed that to $23 million myself but I didn't want to lie. Hey, at least they made it past that mark. Let this be a lesson to Jim Carrey though, never work with Joel Schumacher. The fact that he partially help build up your career as the Riddler is not enough, or did you not see the rest of his work?

6. Norbit
Last Week Rank: 5th
Weekend Gross: $6.4 million
Total Gross: $83 million
Weeks Out: 4
Musings: Bah, not falling fast enough. This total turd should drop off before I have to see it pass the dreaded $100 million mark. Again nothing more than a round number, but everytime this one makes a dollar it hurts my head just a little bit.

7. Music And Lyrics
Last Week Rank: 6th
Weekend Gross: $4.9 million
Total Gross: $38.7 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: Hugh Grant clings to life and oddly enough not Julia Roberts. Oh god, why did I even bring her name up? We haven't had to forgo one of her films in sometime and I've just incurred her wrath of moviemaking. Well at least we can get rid of Drew Barrymore by making a fake set and telling her it's the new Charlie's Angels movie; that should get rid of her for a few months.

8. Black Snake Moan
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $4 million
Total Gross: $4 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Wait, what? A movie with snake in the title. Starring Samuel L. Jackson. Who has Christina Ricci chained up. And no one bothered to see this? That's it, I have had it with these [expletive] stupid moviegoers in these [expletive] theaters.

9. Reno 911!: Miami
Last Week Rank: 4th
Weekend Gross: $3.8 million
Total Gross: $16.4 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: Laughter may not be the strong suit, as the film is destined to be a two week wonder and disappear for good. Perhaps the group needs to stick to television or not enough people know who or what these guys are. I'm thinking too many people are afraid that it's Police Academy: Assignment Miami all over again. Yeesh.

10. Breach
Last Week Rank: 7th
Weekend Gross: $3.5 million
Total Gross: $25.4 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: Farewell Breach, we hardly knew ye. No really, I don't think most people knew or cared about this one. I mean, why see this when you can watch overblown sad sack actors ride motorcycles or Eddie Murphy in a fat suit. I need to go lie down.

-Gonch

The Simpsons: "Yokel Chords" Review

2007-03-04T21:35:00.000-05:00

Meh. That's one word I'd use to describe this episode. You want two more? How about "subpar musical"? The Simpsons has always had a good instinct when it comes to incorporating songs into their episodes, but this outing, the music seemed shoehorned in and nonsensical.

Basically, Bart needs psychological help and finds in a character with the voice of a Meg Ryan. This plot had its moments, when it delved into why Bart acts out. Unfortunately, it was paired with Lisa trying to civilize Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel's children. And she feels the need to do this through song, much like how she civilized Willie before. In fact, replace Willie with children, and you pretty much get this episode.

While there was some good bits, the gothic animation of Bart's scary story, some of the Krusty gags, the episode lacked. I just wasn't that entertained. Hopefully, the Simpsons' upcoming 24-styled episode will capture me again. Until then, I remain unamused.

2 Children's Heads out of 5.

Heroes: "Company Man" Review

2007-03-02T22:04:00.000-05:00

You know how you love all those wild characters on Heroes, like Peter, Sylar, Mohinder, Isaac, Jessika, etc? Well guess what? None of them are on this week! That's right, we stay focused in one place for the first time in the series run, that of the Bennet house, and go right into Super Mega Ultra Lost Flashback mode with Mr. HRG Bennet.

So here's the thing, Matt Parkman and Ted Sprague, who combined are Radioactive Mind, coming soon to a concert hall near you, have broken into the Bennet home. Seems like a calm thing to do, until the family shows up. Ted thinks fast and finds himself coercing Matt to hold them hostage until they get their answers. We see what we saw last week as they confront them and things don't go down as much as they had hoped.

During this time, Bennet has his flashbacks. We see him getting his front of a paper company from Eric "I am not a Vulcan" Roberts. The Whobo, Claude, is looking ok here and is Bennet's new partner. Eventually Bennet screws things up a bit and he has to call in the Teen Haitian, complete with matching reference to Jessika's tattoo. What does that mean? I'm sure we'll find out next season. Bennet is also handed over the baby Claire...by Sulu himself, the father of Hiro. Hiro is even there as a kid, pushing up glasses and all with his videogames. Bennet is clearly answering to both Sulu and Roberts, which makes him less of a threat than we think, I think. In the end, we learn Claude was protecting a hero, meaning HRG has to kill him. They go to a bridge and he begins to shoot him, but the Whobo disappears and we all know where he winds up.

So where is this all going? In the current time frame, Matt is trying to get answers and realizes that Claire knows more than she lets on. Ted begins to freak out and Matt combined with HRG's thoughts sees that he needs to shoot Claire to make the situation better. Matt finds out that Claire can heal and it's all to hold off Ted. So Matt and HRG go to Primatech to get the info Ted wants, the Haitian there as well. HRG is not happy with the Haitian but that will have to wait, there's an exploding man just itching to get revenge...and not so much answers.

Roberts screws it all up when he runs in and shoots Ted, causing him to start up his nuclear timer. They rush to get everyone out, but Claire goes to neutralize Ted. Eventually the house is seriously burning down and has a little explosion, but the sucker doesn't really go nuclear so we can assume it was nothing big. What is big, is Claire coming out looking like all hell, pure walking charred remains, an image that will last with you. She slowly heals it up and it begs the question, what exactly does this cheerleader need being saved from again?

As Ted is kept locked up (yeah that worked so well last time with Sylar) and Matt may become HRG's next partner, Roberts wants Claire brought in. In an act of beautiful kindness and love, HRG wants the Haitian to shoot him on the bridge, just enough that it will look like they got away and he lives. He then gets mindwiped by the Haitian as Claire cries on. Clearly the Haitian and Claire will be on there ways out of Odessa and to something better, we hope. But HRG, he won't remember a damn thing, a shame.

A rather powerful episode in the end, that even though we didn't get multiple storylines, was more tense and taut than most so far. It really had to be seen to know how well executed it was. I'll gladly give this one Gonch's Gold Medal of Paper Mindwiping. Godspeed, Claire.

-Gonch

New Movie Review: "The Departed"

2007-03-01T23:03:00.000-05:00

Newly minted Best Picture winner The Departed made its way into my hands and I eagerly viewed it. Based on the Chinese film Infernal Affairs this ensemble piece is directed by Martin Scorsese (who finally won Best Director) and stars Leo DiCaprio and Matt Damon. It's a typical cops vs robbers film, just with the Scorsese twist.

What's the Scorsese twist? Gritty realism. Nothing in this movie was too outlandish, as far as gangster movies go. No big chase scenes, no exploding buildings. It is more about the moles in the mob and in the police force. You might actually think this sorts of stuff go on in the real world, but maybe not so much with this amount of beautiful people. Mark Wahlberg, who was nominated for Best Supporting Actor, is probably the weakest link in the movie, as he plays a foul-mouthed detective. Other than that, all the roles are strong, if not a bit subdued. Even Jack Nicholson doesn't chew up as much as the scenery as he usually does.

Basically, this movie was an Oscar movie parading as an action movie. I maintain that Scorcese as decline a bit over the years, and while this movie indicates an upswing, it still doesn't rival what Taxi Driver or Raging Bull were liek in their day. Those were the movies that deserved to win. However, I can live with The Departed winning awards and getting praise because it is not the typical shoot 'em up movie. It is more thoughtful than it has right to be and that's good. Everybody said there is a big twist at the end, but I didn't view the ending as twist, more like a typical Scorsese ending. I enjoyed the film. I would recommend picking up this movie if you want to say you saw an Oscar movie this year.

3 1/2 Boston Accents out of 5.

Lost: "Tricia Tanaka is Dead" Review

2007-03-01T17:49:00.000-05:00

Light and fluffy. Those are the words I would use to describe the Hurley-centric episode "Tricia Tanaka is Dead". Although "light and fluffy" would usually have a negative connotation, after 9 episodes of The Others breaking and rebreaking Jack, Kate, and Sawyer and the death of Eko, lught and fluffy was what was needed. Lost can be deep and serious on one epside and light-hearted in another and it remains entertaining.

"TTID" focused on Hurley, as he has seemed to loss hope. His girlfriend on the Island, Libby, was ckilled by Michael is Season 2. To the best of his knowledge, The Others still have Jack, Kate, and Sawyer. Charlie is moping around after Desmond's revelation that he will die. Hurley seeks out some ray of sunshine. To that end, a sign comes from Vincent, the god: Vincent has found an old Dharma VW bus. Hurley believes this is the thing that can cheer up the survivors by fixing it up.

Fixing a car has always been a source of hope for Hurley, as his flashback shows. His father left him and the old car they were fixing when he was young. After Hurley wins the lotto and is "cursed" by the Numbers, Hurley's father, played by Cheech Marin, comes back. Hurley further mires himself in his curse (he recently purchased his old place of work, Mr. Cluck's, only to see it get hit by a meteor and the Tricia of the title get killed inside). He also gets his father to admit that he came back for Hurley's money. However, Mr. Reyes says that he now wants to stay for his son and doesn't care about the money anymore. He even urges Hurley to give up the money. However, at this point, Hurley believes he needs to go to Australia to get rid of the curse and leaves his poor father behind.

Back on the Island, Hurley tries to rally the people, but only Jin comes to help at first. Of course, the language barrier gets played, but Jorge Garcia and Daniel Dae Kim have great chemistry together and don't let the cliches get to them. Hurley has a plethora of good lines in this episode, including his definition of "crafty" (It means you are good with crafts). Eventually, Kate and Sawyer reach the beach for a reunion. Sawyer then goes off to find Hurley because he helped steal some of Sawyer's supplies in the Desmond episode. Kate, on the other hand, goes to find some help to get Jack and seeks out Rosseau, the French woman. When Sawyer meets up with Hurley and Jin, his interactions are priceless. He finds some skunked Dharma beer and is satisfied. Eventually Hurley gets Charlie to stop moping and join him in testing the car.

The car eventually starts after being pushed down a steep hill and some drama with a pile of rocks, and Jin, Sawyer, Hurley and Charlie all have a good time driving around a meadow. Hope is found again! And Kate finds Rosseau and tells her that the Other Alex is probably Rosseau's daughter and she should join Kate, Locke, and Sayid to go after the Others.

This episode wasn't very much in way of mythos, but it was a charming, little, and ultimately inconsequental episode. I am more pleased with this epsidoe than I was with last week's.

4 Roger Work Mans out of 5.

Box Office Bombings: Box Office Breakdown 2/26/07

2007-02-26T18:38:00.000-05:00

What's this Oscar stuff I keep hearing about? No, no, it's time to focus on the films that will never see the light of a golden statue. So clearly, it's the weekend box office, released today, Monday 2/26/07

1. Ghost Rider
Last Week Rank: 1st
Weekend Gross: $19.7 million
Total Gross: $78.7 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: Ok, I think it's pretty clear that nothing super interesting came out this weekend. By that I mean that even a crazy Jim Carrey...ok crazier Carrey wasn't enough to stop the Cage. I mean, Nicholas Cage gets his head lit on fire, who wouldn't pay for that? Ok well I wouldn't but I'll be damned if the movie going public could care about anything else than a superhero or action film.

2. The Number 23
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $14.9 million
Total Gross: $14.9 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: So of course I'm disappointed that it didn't gross $23 million, but hey it did open at #2, one of the numbers in 23. Eh that's close enough. Jim Carrey is back, he's not funny, he's crazy, and he's obsessing over a Lost number. What went wrong? Two words: Joel Schumacher.

3. Bridge To Terabithia
Last Week Rank: 2nd
Weekend Gross: $13.6 million
Total Gross: $46.2 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: Still charging plenty for tolls, this bridge will be strong until another bigger kiddie/fantasy film can knock it out. I find it amazing that these children's/young adult's fantasy books are becoming films faster than you can say the entire title of Narnia. It's kinda like every comic book becoming a movie, as kids we imagined these things being movies one day, but most of the time it's not a very good idea.

4. Reno 911!: Miami
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $10.4 million
Total Gross: $10.4 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: I like comedy as much as anybody, but I've never been made to laugh out loud at this show. So I'm trying to figure out how it got a movie made about it. TV-based movies are a strange breed. Many don't translate well, some TV shows were killed before their time and deserved it (Firefly) and others have taken way too long to pull it off (Simpsons). Course it could be worse, it could be a 60s or 70s TV show becoming a movie, we know how well those have worked.

5. Norbit
Last Week Rank: 3rd
Weekend Gross: $9.7 million
Total Gross: $74.7 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: Ahahahahahahahaha. Oh sorry, that was me laughing about Eddie Murphy not getting the Oscar. That's what you get for making this piece of total trash. Seriously, Eddie, will you do anything anyone tells you to do? If it makes you feel better, Eddie, Whitaker is ten times the actor you'll ever be.

6. Music And Lyrics
Last Week Rank: 4th
Weekend Gross: $8 million
Total Gross: $32.1 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: Hugh Grant doesn't have what he used to, apparently. Little interest has been shown in this film, not surprising. There isn't anything remotely intriguing about the movie. I remind everyone that Barrymore attempts to sing, avoid at all cost.

7. Breach
Last Week Rank: 6th
Weekend Gross: $6.2 million
Total Gross: $20.5 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: Lucky to only drop one spot but it's still not doing so hot. Between The Departed and The Good Shephard, I'm fairly sure people have had their fill of these kinds of movies. True stories don't always equal a fun time at the movies. Maybe if they added in the Mission: Impossible music, but that may be asking for too much.

8. Daddy's Little Girls
Last Week Rank: 5th
Weekend Gross: $5.3 million
Total Gross: $25.6 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: Yeah movies are really not lasting very long nowadays and this one's a sinker for sure. In fact it's such a sinker, I've got nothing else to talk about for this one. Nope nothing...moving right along...

9. The Astronaut Farmer
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $4.5 million
Total Gross: $4.5 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: One of the worst concepts I have ever heard of out of Hollywood, this one had to be a joke. Billy Bob Thornton is a former NASA guy who builds a rocket in his barn and oddly enough, this pisses off NASA. Oh and from the previews, he apparently launches it. You gotta be freakin' kidding me, this premise is so ridiculous, sci-fi films are turning the other cheek. Audiences apparently agreed and Billy Bob will live to regret this one.

10. Amazing Grace
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $4.3 million
Total Gross: $4.3 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: So yeah, we won't be seeing this one again. Wow debuting at 10th just means no one either cares, likes, or knows anything about this movie. I'm gonna go with the latter. It's about ending slavery in colonial America and while it's an interesting subject, it doesn't have the promotion of an Amistad and probably came too late in February to make an impact.

-Gonch

Oscars as They Unfold

2007-02-26T00:20:00.000-05:00

As I was watching the Academy Awards tonight, I jotted down my thoughts. Here is what I was thinking as the night unspooled.

8:31 - It begins and it's already 1 minutes behind.
8:33 - This opening, reminiscent of the old Mac commercials, is pretty unfunny. It is not dynamic enough to grab one's attention.
8:34 - Who cares about these people, the nominees? We will them all later anyways.
8:35 - And now the nominees are being showcased live. Again, as if we will never seem then again on this show.
8:37 - Ellen arrives, finally.
8:38 - Did I just see a bald Jack Nicholson?
8:40 - Yay, let's celebrate how diverse Hollywood is! Pat on the back!
8:42 - Time for the prerequisite "Let's point out whose in the audience" portion of the show.
8:44 - First funny joke of the night and it's on Al Gore.
8:45 - Great reaction by Steve Carell.
8:46 - Just as I predicted: Ellen's cute, but give me Jon Stewart's sarcasm any day of the week.
8:47 - Quick, someone give Nicole Kidman a personality!
8:50 - Is Maggie Gyllenhal sucking on a lemon?
8:51 - First commercial break thoughts: This is going to be a long, comedically safe night that is ultimately filler.
8:52 - Wow, that iPhone commercial with all the helloes is awesome.
8:54 - Will Ferell and a piano? Hilarious. Sing it, Will!
8:59 - So far, Pan's 2 for 2.
9:00 - Cute kids.
9:05 - A movie about Jews wins an award? Shocking!
9:13 - Sound FX choir? Yes!
9:15 - They've done the indie comedy,now Carell and Greg Kinnear need to do a buddy comedy.
9:21 - Finally, a category that matters: Supporting Actor.
9:24 - Wow, an upset! Arkin over Murphy. Guess Norbit didn't help. And for the first time in a while, I have seen a movie that won an acting award.
9:27 - Interpretive dance? Who grennlit this idea?
9:30 - Gotta switch from Departed clips as that movie is coming up on my Netflix list.
9:31 - Our Town was an original song? It sounded like a typical (old) James Taylor song to me.
9:36 - Ah, the hippies, Leo and Al Gore are presenting together.
9:45 - I liked that the Academy added an Animated Film award a few years ago.
9:46 - Hollywood loves penguins.
9:54 - The Departed wins for best adapted screenplay. Too bad, we could have seen Sasha Baron Cohen on stage.
10:01 - Heh, nice little Devil Wears Prada homage.
10:05 - Holy Tom Cruise sighting! See, if he sticks to the script, he seems normal.
10:06 - Oh, an honorary Oscar. Time to see what's on Cartoon Network.
10:11 - Ok, Ellen interacting with Scorsese and Eastwood is pretty funny.
10:22 - Poisedon is nominated for an award? Did anyone other than me see that movie?
10:25 - Foreign Language presentation and they cut to Sasha Cohen I guess because he's English?
10:31 - Another minor upset as Pan's Labyrinth doesn't win Best Foreign Film and the director who does win doesn't even sound foreign!
10:35 - Best Supporting Actress Time!
10:36 - No upset here as Hudson wins and breaks down immediately.
10:45 - Jerry Seinfeld is a big enough movie star to present at the Oscars? I'll buy that!
10:50 - Another movie I have seen wins. Al Gore will not be denied as his docu wins.
10:51 - Another honorary Oscar, this time a lifetime achievement award for the guy who did that famous Western theme. I think Family Guy is about to start on CN.
10:58 - Flipping back briefly, I see Celine Dion has escaped from Las Vegas. Get the tranq guns ready!
11:11 - Nice minute long speech/gag from the Prez of the Academy.
11:12 - Being paired with Tobey Maguire and coming out to the Spidey Theme must be killing Mary Jane, er, Kirstin Dunst.
11:15 - Little Miss Sunshine wins Best Original Screenplay and although I didn't like the plot, it was different enough to deserve it.
11:30 - Another mnior upset as Melissa Ethridge wins Best Original Song over a trio of Dreamgirls songs. I guess hippies can beat Motown.
11:43 - USA! USA! Nice tribute to America in Film.
11:45 - Moment of Silence/Popularity Contest commences.
11:52 - Ah, time for Best Actress or as I like to call it "Helen Mirren begins her walk to the podium."
11:55 - A collective yarm comes from the audience as Mirren accepts her trophy.
12:01 - Reese Witherspoon is looking hot presenting the Best Actor award.
12:05 - Do you see the Forest for the trees? No, all I see is another predicted winner.
12:07 - The 3 great directors of the last generation (Spielberg, Lucas, and Coppola) show they are very affable and funny as they present Best Director.
12:09 - Scorsese finally wins the big one. Maybe he can return to the gritty films of his past, you know, the ones that really deserved to win, and not his watered down films of the past few years (though The Departed seems to be a step in the right direction).
12:15 - Last award of the night is finally here. We've been waiting for this moment for nearly four hours!
12:16 - Another upset as The Departed wins. I was sure that Babel would score this award, with Little Miss Sunshine as the possible upset, but I was wrong. This definitely moves The Departed to the top of my Netflix list.

Ellen was the nonoffensive, safe host I thought she would be, virtually disappearing after her opening monologue. This is almost opposite of waht happened last year, as Jon Stewart got stronger and funnier as the night went on. I am going to predict that Ellen is not asked back as the host, at least, not next year.

This wasn't a particularly strong year for films, so the awards weren't particularly exciting. The various montages shown seemed more self-congratulatory than showcasing the strengths of film. Now that the award season is over it is time for Hollywood to regroup and attempt to blow our socks off in the rest of 2007.

SNL's The Office Parody

2007-02-25T11:21:00.000-05:00

Last night, since Rainn Wilson of The Office was hosting SNL, I decided to watch the show. Wilson was hilarious in his sketches, though most seemed to skewer towards office place premises. Still, I enjoyed SNL for the first time in a while.

Of course, it is hard to disappoint with such a dead-on parody of The Office such as this one.

New Movie Review: "The Number 23"

2007-02-24T16:53:00.000-05:00

What is the draw of the number 23? It was Michael Jordan's number. It is one of the Numbers on Lost. And now it is a psychological thriller starring Jim Carrey and directed by Joel Schumacher. Yes the same Schumacher who made Batman and Robin. In past movie reviews, I have pointed out director trademarks and how they affect a movie. The notorious Schumacher touch is evident in this movie.

The plot is pretty basic as far as psychological thrillers go: Carrey starts to obsess over a book and the number 23. This obsession pushes away his wife, played by Virginia Madsen, and his son. The movie switches off between the "real world" that Carrey inhabits, and the world of the book that Carrey is picturing in his mind. Make-believe Carrey has tattoos, so you know he is hardcore.

Like all movies of this nature, there is a twist. I didn't see the twist coming, so it was somewhat surprising. But the movie suffers from how fast Carrey descends into insanity, and the convience of the number 23. The lengths the movie went to "prove" that the number is everywhere was hilarious. As was stated in the movie, if you look hard enough, you can find connections between any two things. The son also joins in on Carrey's madness, which seems more of a plot contrivance than anything else.

The movie tries to be shocking at times, but often it comes across as comedy. Perhaps Schumacher was trying to go for a B-movie thriller. If so, he succeeded. Although the scenes and the movie on a whole was corny, it somehow works to be mildly entertaining. I was rolling my eyes at a few scenes, but the last half hour was entrancing (save for the last scene). Carrey shows in this movie that he can be a middle of the road actor like a Kevin Bacon and not suck too much or excel too much. That may or may not be a good thing though. He doesn't "overact" and he plays crazy well. But this is not anything more than an average movie.

2 1/2 Color Pinks out of 5.

Oscar Predictions!

2007-02-24T10:22:00.000-05:00

The Oscars are tomorrow night, and I'll be semi-live blogging it. But who do I think will win the major categories? Read on to find out!

Best Motion Picture of the Year

Nominees:

Babel

The Departed

Letters from Iwo Jima

Little Miss Sunshine

The Queen

AE's Prediction: Like Crash last year, Babel will win due to its issue-driven plot. Little Miss Sunshine might score an upset, but I doubt it.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role

Nominees:

Leonardo DiCaprio

Ryan Gosling

Peter O'Toole

Will Smith

Forest Whitaker

AE's Prediction: Forest Whitaker will win to no one's surprise.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role

Nominees:

Penélope Cruz

Judi Dench

Helen Mirren

Meryl Streep

Kate Winslet

AE's: Helen Mirren, in what will become a disturbing trend in the acting categories: no surprises.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role

Nominees:

Alan Arkin

Jackie Earle Haley

Djimon Hounsou

Eddie Murphy

Mark Wahlberg

AE's Prediction: Although some are saying Arkin will win with a "Lifetime Achievement" caveat, Murphy should walk away with this. There is some backlash against Murphy, but I do believe he will walk away with an Oscar.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role

Nominees:

Adriana Barraza

Cate Blanchett

Abigail Breslin

Jennifer Hudson

Rinko Kikuchi

AE's Prediction: Critics have recently been saying Hudson might lose because she is more a singer than an actress. Ignore them, as Hudson will join her Dreamgirls costar Murphy on the winner's stand.

Best Achievement in Directing

Nominees:

Clint Eastwood

Stephen Frears

Paul Greengrass

Alejandro González Iñárritu

Martin Scorsese

AE's Prediction: If Eastwood wins again, he might start to be remembered as a director not an actor. It would be three directing awards for his career, something Spielberg hasn't done. I think the Academy will finally give Scorsese his much deserved Oscar.

Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen

Nominees:

Babel

Letters from Iwo Jima

Little Miss Sunshine

Laberinto del Fauno, El

The Queen

AE's Prediction: Here's a category that Sunshine is going to win. The Academy will reward it's behind-the-scenes stuff, if not their on-screen performances.

Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published

Nominees:

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Children of Men

The Departed

Little Children

Notes on a Scandal

AE's Prediction: As much as everyone would like to see Sasha Baron Cohen give another hilarious speech, I think The Departed will win since people probably voted for Babel over it for Best Picture, but still feel a need to reward the entire film.

I don't think this will be an exciting Oscars, but it may be a "coronation" ceremony, with many first time nominees/winners picking up trophies.

Horatio Caine meets Jim Carrey

2007-02-23T22:45:00.000-05:00

A while ago, we all had a laugh at the CSI:Miami montage that put all the openings with Caruso's character Caine overacting.

Well, another overactor decided to share his feelings.

Enjoy!

Lost: "Stranger in a Strange Land" Review

2007-02-22T00:09:00.000-05:00

After two action-packed, thrilling episodes, Lost decided to slow things down a bit. While it will probably hurt them in the short run, it may help them later on, when various plot points from this episode are brought up again.

The episode focuses on Jack and the aftermath of his surgery on Ben. Ben's tumor is gone, Juliet is on trail for killing Pickett, and Jack is now in Sawyer's old cage. A new Other is introduced, and the kidnapped Tailies are seen again. While none of this was particularly exciting, we do see the beginning of a possible romance between Jack and Juliet, now that Juliet is an outsider to the Others. Jack's tattoos get their own backstory and Juliet gets her own markings. So they have that in common now.

Back on the main Island, Sawyer, Kate, and Karl, the Other boy, make it the far side of the Island. Sawyer encourages Karl to go to Alex, because apparently, the Others live on this Island and work on the previous Island...kay. I mean, we already sorta guessed at that. We also guessed at the Tailies situation too, but I digress.

While the episode had some good bits between Jack and Juliet, I felt the episode was a little flat, especially after two weeks of pure adrenaline.

2 1/2 Phuket jokes out of 5.

Full Length Simpsons Trailer

2007-02-20T14:10:00.000-05:00

Here is the full length trailer that Fox aired on Sunday for The Simpsons Movie. It looks very cool indeed, with some stellar animation.

I have to wait 5 more months for this movie? D'oh!

Heroes: "Unexpected" Review

2007-02-20T14:09:00.000-05:00

It's finally back, such a long 7 days to wait for a new Heroes. Last week was alright, but it's all a memory compared to what this week brought us. Week by week, Heroes is slowly becoming one of the most consistent, well paced and interesting shows on television. There are a few stories that may drag a bit, but no episode is without several awesome moments or character progression. This week is definitely no exception.

We say hi again to Ted "I'ma esplode" Sprague, as he gets some IMs. Ok that doesn't sound interesting, except that he isn't online. It's being sent by our newest hero, Hana aka Wireless. Well done, you've already picked out your name, plus you've got the leather jacket thing going. You can get started on the X-Mansion next week, if you like. She explains that she knows plenty of what's going on and teams up with Ted, and Ted realizes that one more person could help out if they want to expose HRG.

Isaac is our treacherous traitor of the week, as he believes Peter is a serious threat to New York and everyone else, though really he just wants Simone for himself. Simone is basically what if Storm wasn't from Africa, wasn't played by Halle Berry and had no powers. Yeah that makes sense. HRG makes sure Isaac has a gun to ward off Peter and take care of him if necessary. As Joss Whedon taught us on Buffy, though, guns only make more problems, they rarely help.

Sylar and Mohinder meet Dale, no affiliation with Chip. She has super hearing, which by itself is alright by likely very annoying. Sylar's heartbeat can mean only one thing: murder. Well, he says it a lot cooler. Obviously Sylar is going to take this woman's power and Mohinder is just not catching on fast enough. Sylar is doing his acting charade but not trying terribly hard to hide it. Looks like he's about to get an unfortunate affinity for rap music.

Claire's mom finally collapses, and Mr. Muggles is all up on the floor milk. The timing of this is troublesome for HRG though. See Peter and the Invisible Whobo (credit that to AE) are still training on the rooftop. Peter uses Sylar's TK (telekinesis for you n00bs) to stop a stick from coming down on him, though eventually he gets whacked, not the dead kind. HRG and Haitian in tow find them on the roof, and they can see both of them using infrared goggles (leading to believe that the Haitian can't cancel out powers, likely just protect from their effects). Whobo is pissed and gets shocked. Peter manages to stop another taser shot in mid-air, more like he's stopping time for an instant and it drops. In a moment of remarkable coolness that will stay with you, Peter tosses Whobo over the edge of the building, dives after him and then carries him away as he flies off into the night sky. Take that, Smallville!

HRG eventually comes back home and he and Claire get fake Mom to the hospital. Let's face it though, Claire's had enough of this crap. She tries to confront HRG but isn't going to get very far. Before this though, Ted and Wireless ask to meet up with Matt "I heard that" Parkman. Parkman and his wife talked to each other before, but no one cares, let the guy steal a little, he sucks at his job anyway. They convince Parkman to help them against HRG, they're all victims and they won't be any longer. Each has a distinct marking like this || on their neck, which is not a logical OR for those of you in the engineering field.

But wait, what about Ando and Hiro, you didn't ask? That is resolved finally, as Ando does get shot but not badly, just a shoulder/flesh wound, with an ensuing fire fight that isn't actually shown, making it much funnier as Hiro and Ando hide away. Hiro arrived with the cop or whatever he is. Soon enough, Hiro is convinced that Ando can go no further but home, he doesn't want to be responsible for Ando's death and feels he is holding him back. Hiro steps onto the bus to leave Ando, greeted by STAN THE MAN LEE. Hiro is a true believer, are you?

Back at Casa de Secrets and Powers, Claire and HRG are about to have it out when Ted comes out of nowhere. This is quite alarming to HRG, considering Ted could level the entire block in enough time. Matt shows up, too, and they want answers...answers you'll get next week! But we're not done yet, finally Peter confronts Isaac, as Whobo concludes that Isaac betrayed them. Peter is seriously hopped up on powers, almost like Sylar, it's scary. He uses his TK to toss him around a bit, even going so far as to use the freaky Sylar voice at one point. He goes invisible and Isaac starts freaking out with his gun, trying to find something to shoot. Well he does...and we have our latest death. So long Simone, we knew you not so well. Peter and Isaac realize what they've just done, and it's a moment right out of Lost between Ana-Lucia and Sayid. Guess which one is really pissed and who's likely going to get it bad?

Wow, that was an amazing episode. Action, suspense, drama, STAN LEE. It had it all. One of the best this series has had thus far, without a doubt Gonch's Gold Medal of True Believing. I believe, that next week we'll find out just what is really up with HRG and his organization and maybe more than we bargained for. EXCELSIOR!

-Gonch

Classic Movie Review: "Dazed and Confused"

2007-02-19T19:42:00.000-05:00

Although I entitled this post Classic Movie Review, it could as well have read Retro Movie. As Netflix noted on their plot summary of Dazed and Confused, a 1993 movie directed by Richard Linklater, the movie is done in the style of American Graffiti, in that it is more of a love letter to a decade than an actual plotted movie. In Graffiti, the decade was the 50s, in Dazed, that decade is the 70s.

Much like Graffiti, Dazed is a lot of interwoven character plots, with each character either entering their last or first year in high school. From initiation rights to decisions to be made about their future, the film touches upon all the struggles a high schooler in the 70s might endure. Of course, the movie climaxes with a night time party, where everything comes together. There is much driving around to be had, like in American Graffiti, and comparing the two films side-by-side finds that through a moviemaker's eye, the struggles of our youth does not differ from decade to decade.

Now that I got the deep part of the review over with, it is time to be superficial. Dazed has a lot of roles in it, and viewers will find a lot of familiar faces. Jason London plays the main character, with Joey Lauren Adams as his girlfriend. I find this ironic, since Jason's brother, Jeremy, plays Joey's ex-boyfriend in my favorite movie, Mallrats. The biggest starts in the movie, though they weren't stars at the time, are Ben Affleck as a bully and Matthew McConaughey as an older stoner. McConaughey utters the now classic line "That's what I like abotu high school girls: I get older, but they stay the same age." And although it may seem funny to say this, the actors play stoned very well. From mannerism to speech style, I was convinced at times that they were toking the reefer.

This movie didn't suffer from the nostalgia burn that Graffiti did, because except for a few scenes, DaC didn't stress that it was 70s. Sure the music was from that period and the atmosphere of the high school was from 1970s, but it wasn't as blatant as AG. Maybe it was also helped by the fact that I am more "aware" of the 70s and this movie than I was about George Lucas's movie. I would recommend Dazed and Confused over American Graffiti in fact.

4 Mans out of 5.

Box Office Bombings: Box Office Breakdown 2/19/07

2007-02-19T12:01:00.000-05:00

If someone is riding on a ghost bridge, it can only mean one thing: the weekend box office, released today, Monday 2/19/07 - Dead President's Day edition

1. Ghost Rider
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $44.5 million
Total Gross: $44.5 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Not surprisingly, the film that people were actually anticipating finally came out and thankfully has grossed higher than that Norbit crap. To be fair though, the film has also been pegged as cheesy, and downright dialogue sappy. Also low on plot but real big on special effects. Apparently Nicholas Cage acts circles around Eva Mendes, which is neither as hot nor as difficult as that sounds. Oh well, at least Marvel's happy.

2. Bridge To Terabithia
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $22.1 million
Total Gross: $22.1 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: This is a strong weekend for the box office (also President's Day weekend) and Terabithia was part of it. To me this film seemed like a crappy ripoff of Narnia, which in itself did not interest me enough to see it though I was familiar with Narnia as a kid. However, the reviews have been positive on a level that says the film itself does more justice to the book than the previews suggest and that it's a family film that treats kids' issues like real life does. Gasp, a fantasy film has a better grasp on children's problems then normal family films? And Disney gets a little richer.

3. Norbit
Last Week Rank: 1st
Weekend Gross: $16.8 million
Total Gross: $58.9 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: Look I'm glad it dropped two spots but I won't be satisfied until it's off the map. If this was the summer time, this thing would fall faster than Bush's approval ratings. It took two bigger budget films just to push this down and it's going to unfortunately take even more to submerge it. Maybe Jim Carrey can do the trick next week, but Murphy is on my hate list until he attempts to redeem himself in Shrek The Third.

4. Music And Lyrics
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $14 million
Total Gross: $19.5 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Hugh Grant, Drew Barrymore...if you're still reading you have more of a stomach than I do. Grant is a likeable annoyance only because he's English (the guy pulled an Affleck but got away with it) [AE Note: What does that mean?] and Barrymore's last good film? The Wedding Singer, because it was also one of the only good things Adam Sandler ever did. This combo would drive me nuts, and apparently Grant is a singer and Barrymore writes the lyrics. Grant singing, Barrymore writing, this is like a lethal combo of bad movie.

5. Daddy's Little Girls
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $12.1 million
Total Gross: $17.8 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Tyler Perry makes a movie without a fat black woman...I think. Look either way that makes it leaps and bounds better than Norbit. However, when I read the synopsis, I see just about zero plot. Let's not make movies for the sake of making movies, a guy taking care of his three daughters is about as interesting as watching astro turf grow.

6. Breach
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $10.4 million
Total Gross: $10.4 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Wow, lot of new movies out this week, huh? The film is about an FBI double-agent who was also working for the Russians (true story). While this is an engaging story as it really happened, it doesn't have much oomph to it, as evidenced by its 6th place opening. Plus when you tell me Ryan Phillippe is in a film, my ears don't exactly perk up in interest.

7. Hannibal Rising
Last Week Rank: 2nd
Weekend Gross: $5.5 million
Total Gross: $22.1 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: More like Hannibal Falling! Yeah I couldn't resist. Seems like everyone who wanted to see this one did, and it dropped like a rock from 2nd to 7th. Expect this one to rest comfortably out of reach next week. This should stop them from making any more of these films and stop soiling the name of Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster. I hear Foster locked herself in a panic room to escape this film and Hopkins is preparing a very tasteful voiceover.

8. Because I Said So
Last Week Rank: 3rd
Weekend Gross: $5 million
Total Gross: $33.2 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: Gah, this is still here, again another one likely to fall out of the top 10. Please stop making these kinds of movies. I know it's too much to ask to not make sappy, redundant, useless romantic comedies, especially ones with aging actresses who can't seem to find any project that's actually interesting, engaging, or makes the audience feel like they're escaping reality...you know, the reason people see movies in the first place? It's about entertainment, people!

9. The Messengers
Last Week Rank: 4th
Weekend Gross: $3.8 million
Total Gross: $30.5 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: Yeah this is so very toast. Another cookie-cutter horror film that piqued everyone's interest for all of 5 seconds. If I showed you the last 20 horror films to come out in previews, side by side, I wonder how many of them you could actually identify the title. Wait a minute, cookie-cutter horror film? Someone call Sesame Street, I got an idea for a muppet serial killer...

10. Night At The Museum
Last Week Rank: 5th
Weekend Gross: $3.7 million
Total Gross: $237.3 million
Weeks Out: 9
Musings: The Oscar candidate films are gone, and all that remains of December is this film, the eternal Night that never ends. It looks like it finally might though, as it stands on the threshold of DVD land. Of course we all know that once a Ben Stiller film leaves theaters, you must immediately begin promoting the next one. I'm afraid to even ask what it is.[AE Note: Among Stiller's upcoming movie list? A Hardy Boys update with Tom Cruise.] But remember, it's always darkest before dawn.

-Gonch

The Simpsons: "Springfield Up" Review

2007-02-19T09:33:00.000-05:00

After last week's disappointing episode, I was hoping for a Simpsons' episode that would reassure me that the quality of the show would remain high. "Springfield Up" certainly made me happy in that regard and may be one of the my favorite episodes of recent times.

Te first half of the episode was presented as documentary narrated and starring Eric Idle, of Monty Python fame, as the documentarian. Eric's character has become a reoccuring role on the show and while he is very hit or miss, tonight he was definitely hit. The documentary is done in the style of the "-Up" films, which follows a set of kids as they grow up, each film checking in after some interval of time. Applying this structure to a Simpsons episode provided a rare peak into Springfield's past. We don't often get to see the backstories of characters, other than how they interact with Homer or Marge. But it was delight to see a young Professor Frink in his cardboard rocketship, wanting to be a rocket scientist. It was also funny seeing Frink try to go back in time to warn his younger self that science is no way to meet girls.

There were other fun bits, like Lenny being too boring to film and how Police Chief Wiggum arose in his position. Of course, after the little character bits, we get to the core of the story: Homer and Marge throughout the years. Homer has always been a little dense, especially when it comes to cameras and squeek toys. Marge has also seemed bright eyed and happy, no matter if it was following her dream of photography or married to a man like Homer. When we catch up to these two, Homer has seemingly made it rich and is living in a mansion. At first, I thought this would be the jump-the-shark moment fo the episode, but the punchline (they were squatting in Mr. Burns' winter home) was enough to make me happy. Homer blames Eric Idle for Homer not living his dream of being rich, and Idle actually feels sorry for Homer and shows him, through all the film he has shot, that Homer is actually living a good life.

There were many funny bits in the show that actually added to the story. The progression of Moe through the years was hilarious to see as was his hope that his father was every circus freak his mom slept with. This was one episode that definitely was an instant classic.

And oh yeah, there was a full-length trailer for the Simpsons movie too!

4 1/2 Black and White Scenes out of 5.

Bald Britney is Just Too Much

2007-02-17T18:37:00.000-05:00

As you can see, Ms. Britney Spears has shaved her head. Credit TMZ.com and KABC for the photo. I think it clearly states the downward spiral that Britney is experiencing.

Some may say that she shaved her head for a new start. I say hogwash. If she wanted to a new start, she would have stayed in rehab. What am I talking about? Well, reports are that Spears entered and then left a rehab facility in the same day. That doesn't tell me she wants a fresh start, it tells me she doesn't know what she is doing. Also, if she truly wants to form a new opinion about herself, such a public and radical display is not going to signify that. She had to know that the media would seize upon this picture as indicative of her crazies, not her sanity.

I don't know what else to say about this. She either getting bad advice or no advice at all. She seems disconnected from reality. Hopefully, she pulls herself together. Remember, she has two young boys to look after.

Heroes: "Run!" Review

2007-02-16T12:32:00.000-05:00

We return for our next installment of Heroes, brought to you by recaps and Mr. Solar Eclipse. Hi Mr. Eclipse, I'm sure you have some significance in this show, right? Anyway onto the goodies. This week's episode is called Run!, because the writers have a lot of fun naming the episodes in comic book fashionness, or something. But who's doing the running? If I've gotta pick anyone who should have been running this week, it's Matt Parkman aka I Can Hear Your Boring Thoughts Man. It's a very cool power to have if hard to control, but man it is useless in a fight unless you can hear what your opponent's next move is going to be. In a way that does help this week, well at least for Matt.

But let's start back with Claire, who having met her real mom, eventually is lied to about her father, Nathan. Claire is disappointed in this, and even moreso when she finds out that her father may or may not want to see her and her mother lying about it. I guess it could be worse; Claire could find out that Burning Mom actually is trying to cheat her out of the money, too. Oh well, $25,000 goes a long way for a high schooler. That's one year of college for you, you lucky kid. Claire's problems continue, in a non-superheroic way when her [adopted] father grounds her for going behind the back of a guy with a gun while her mother is having some serious brain issues from the all the mind-wiping. Either HRG is making it seem worse somehow or it really does have a mean side effect...also this is conjuring up images of the brain tumor that Buffy's mom suffered and started to forget/remember that her daughter [Dawn] didn't exist. But I digress.

Hiro and Ando are back in Vegas, baby. This story is probably another instance of not quite utilizing these guys to full potential. They are two of the most interesting characters, but given so little to work with. They find "Hope" and Ando helps her get her bag back from her beating ex-boyfriend. Except of course that she's lying, this guy is a Gaming cop or something and he's in the right and she's in the wrong. This leaves Hiro locked in a closet of some sort, where there isn't even a slot machine to pass the time. Better learn how to teleport again fast.

Our second-most interesting story involves Sylar (doesn't it always?) and Mohinder. Quite the unused combo to this point. Mohinder keeps searching for new heroes and finds one in Virginia (I knew something was up with that state). True to the state's lineage, this hero's power is well, lame. I mean the guy can basically melt stuff. I was confused at first at what he could do with the puddles on the floor, but he was at the very least converting pots and pans to liquid metal. This could be quite useful for a bank robbery on the vault, but it's still a very lame power [Unless Sylar gets thrown into a prison with metal bars. Then it becomes all the rage - AE]. Sylar gets to the guy first and kills him, taking his power. So he pretends to be this guy, Zane, which is too bad he died cause that's a cool name though he was a few steps away from being Brian Posehn. Mohinder gets duped into this and let's Sylar tag along to find other heroes, of course giving Sylar a one way ticket to all the power he can handle. Way to go, Mo.

Least but not last, our real running portion is Matt and Jessika (that's my Jessica/Niki combo name from now on). Matt, now off the force for 6 months, takes a job as a body guard to Mr. Malsky, a fat bald dude working with Linderman. Malsky is trying to use the $2 million that Jessika stole that was given to Linderman [Actually, the case with the money was given to Malsky himself, so Linderman probably never got the money in the first place - AE] by D.L. to buy some diamonds, likely behind Linderman's back. If you followed that then maybe you're actually paying attention to this show, kudos. The seller is aware of this and knows that Linderman sent an "assassin" to kill Malsky, none other than Jessika. Parkman figures this out with telepathy and prepares for Jessika's arrival. They run around the building for some time, Malsky needing his inhaler. Parkman even overhears Jessica talking to Niki, and I say those separately because they actually appear as separate people, which that's confusing as all hell. Is Niki out and can she attempt to stop Jessica or ! is that just played as if she was there but is just in Jessica's head? Ach, my brain. Anyway fight ensues shortly and Parkman is lucky to be thrown out of a window but still hit the sign, not falling far at all. Malsky isn't so lucky, and let's just say his head and legs shouldn't be at the same height level, yikes. Parkman winds up keeping the diamonds because he needs money dammit, you just don't understand!

So is Parkman the one that "crossed" the line this time? Did Malsky have it coming? Is Nathan Jessika's next target? Will the next episode be a little more interesting with more power usage? The answer is hopefully yes to all of those but we'll find out next week. Run! gets Gonch's Silver medal of well, running. Wait, that's an actual medal...ah screw it.

Lost: "Flashes Before Your Eyes" Review

2007-02-15T14:09:00.000-05:00

If last week's episode of Lost featured one mindblowing scene, then I would say this week's episode was one whole mindblowing experience!

The focus of the episode was Desmond. Except, instead of an episode where the time on the Island and the time in a flashback were equally divided to tell the story, 3/4 of the episode was Desmond in his flashback. And there was no breaking up of the flashback to go back and forth. It was one, long flashback.

The flashback itself was interesting in that it appeared that present day Desmond was reliving his past. He kept on getting reminders of his experience on the Island. At one point, he thought he had actually time traveled and sought help. However, his friend said time travel was impossible and Desmond seemed satisfied with that answer. He settled into his past life, until he made a decision that was the opposite of what he made the first time through the events. At that point, a woman popped up, and in a Matrix-style explanation, told Desmond that fate could not be changed and he had better realize that.

Why is that important? For one, Desmond decides to make the previous decision to break up with his girlfriend Penny (last seen in the Season 2 Finale) and go down the path that leads him to the Island. And also, on the Island, Desmond is seeing flashes of someone's death. He has tried to save this person repeatedly, but each time he saves the person, he sees another instance of their death.

That person? Charlie.

Charlie is doomed to die in one of the bigger twists in Lost history. Once again, Lost has sucked me in!

4 Whiskey Bottles out of 5.

!tsoL evol I yhw si sihT/This is why I love Lost!

2007-02-13T17:54:00.000-05:00

If you watched Lost last week, you are sure to remember the freak-deaky brainwashing video. Here is the scene again.

Well, embetted in that video, while being played backwards, is an unusual (and so far not proven false) message. You can clearly hear a woman say "Only fools are enslaved by time and space".

My mind has been blown!

Box Office Bombings: Box Office Breakdown 2/12/07

2007-02-12T11:57:00.000-05:00

There's an uneasy sense of dread in the air. Thus, it could only be the weekend box office, released today, Monday 2/12/07

1. Norbit
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $33.7 million
Total Gross: $33.7 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Our worst fears have been realized. Not only is this one of the most horrific things I've ever seen Eddie Murphy do (based on previews only, I dare not see it), but it also *sigh* is the largest opening of the new year. I weep for society as a whole that dared to see this movie. Eddie Murphy should be ashamed and should be blocked from his Oscar just for doing this sham of a film. I just hope Ghost Rider doesn't suck...then again it does have Nicholas Cage.

2. Hannibal Rising
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $13.3 million
Total Gross: $13.3 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: This film marks the 4th, yes 4th Hannibal film. Silence of The Lambs, Hannibal, Red Dragon, and now this. The route has been quite confusing. As I understand it, Silence was the best of the books, thus leading it to be made a movie and win best picture. But Red Dragon was actually the first film when it was called Manhunter in 1986. That film was based on the first book. Hannibal was more of a sequel, where Julianne Moore tried to supplant the role made by Jodie Foster (hah yeah right Julianne). This film? It's a prequel of the prequel, I think. Either way, an unnecessary movie.

3. Because I Said So
Last Week Rank: 2nd
Weekend Gross: $9 million
Total Gross: $25.6 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: The world has seen enough Diane Keaton for a lifetime. The same goes for Mandy Moore's acting career. Is every romantic comedy going to be cookie cutter and totally pointless? I even let myself sit through Something's Gotta Give because of Jack Nicholson. That was a mistake.

4. The Messengers
Last Week Rank: 1st
Weekend Gross: $7.2 million
Total Gross: $24.7 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: The only message this film has to convey is how Hollywood has run out of horror ideas. I feel bad that Sam Raimi produced/touted this film, then again, it's like Peter Jackson touting a film. It's a nice endorsement and all but it just means it's something they'd rather promote than actually make, so that should make the message loud and clear.

5. Night At The Museum
Last Week Rank: 4th
Weekend Gross: $5.7 million
Total Gross: $232.1 million
Weeks Out: 8
Musings: I think I give up with this movie. It's as if no matter how many films come out, it's totally untouched by them. Sure it drops one more spot this week, but look at those numbers, that's staggering for a film like this. With presence like this, I fear that Ben Stiller will be able to make any movie he can dream up, and at his worst, he's really at his worst. The days of There's Something About Mary are long gone.

6. Epic Movie
Last Week Rank: 3rd
Weekend Gross: $4.4 million
Total Gross: $35.4 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: This movie of course looks horrible, and yet for some reason I feel that Norbit is likely worse, not sure why. What's funny is this movie is on about 100 more screens than Night at the Museum is, which is a lofty shot at nothing. Someone's gotta stop these 1 or 2 writers from Scary Movie films from making anything else. You know you suck when even the Wayans brothers are funnier than you.

7. Smokin' Aces
Last Week Rank: 5th
Weekend Gross: $3.8 million
Total Gross: $30.9 million
Weeks Out: 5
Musings: I just realized why this film is titled the way it is. Apparently Jeremy Piven's name in the film is Buddy "Aces" Israel. Hah, get it, they're trying to "smoke" Aces. Yeah it's not that funny, but how funny is it that Matthew Fox set aside time to be in this movie? I believe it's just a cameo but it's funny because there's so many cast members in this movie, he'd be Lost in the shuffle. Ah, good thing I never make puns.

8. Pan's Labyrinth
Last Week Rank: 8th
Weekend Gross: $3.6 million
Total Gross: $26.6 million
Weeks Out: 7
Musings: Impressively holding onto its spot, only available on 1143 screens around the country, too. This is also one of the highest rated films of the year, with maybe only the Queen ahead of it. Likely to drop out before or shortly after the Oscars, one of the only reasons the film is keeping its claim. But since it doesn't have fat suits or explosions (I think?) it won't be long before it's off the list.

9. Dreamgirls
Last Week Rank: 8th
Weekend Gross: $3.1 million
Total Gross: $97.1 million
Weeks Out: 9
Musings: Quick, Jamie Foxx, get as far away from Eddie Murphy as you can. Dreamgirls is slowly on its way out, waiting for the Oscars. But if Norbit will show us anything, it's that Murphy's performance while not necessarily a one time thing, is something he doesn't hold much stake in. I didn't see Ray (that was NOT a pun) but I did view Collateral, and if that movie is proof of anything, Foxx's acting puts Murphy to shame.

10. The Queen
Last Week Rank: 10th
Weekend Gross: $2.5 million
Total Gross: $49 million
Weeks Out: 20
Musings: Yes that's right people, 20 weeks. 20 freakin' weeks and it's still on here. Granted it wasn't always on the top ten, but ever since the Golden Globes it has held onto the ledge of the lower spots. This week it survived the dropoff of films like The Pursuit of Happyness and Stomp The Yard (yay it's gone). It just proves that the English may not be very strong, but when they build something, by George it lasts!

-Gonch

The Simpsons: "Little Big Girl" Review

2007-02-11T20:32:00.000-05:00

Wow. Was tonight's Simpsons a clunker or what? Two plot lines, Lisa pretending to be a Native American and Bart dating an older woman, voiced by Natalie Portman, were stupid and mundane. The plot involving Bart was especially dumb. First, Bart accidentally saves the town from a fire, then he gets a driver's license, then he meets, dates, possibly impregnates Natalie Portman, then goes to marry her. Join me when I saw whaaaaaa?

I felt the episode was more a collection of scenes than one whole unit. It was also one of those episodes where the first 15 minutes has very little to do with the last 15 minutes, and those episodes are always boring. It was all very blah.

While there were a few funny scenes, none of them had long lasting guffaws. I hope this is a momentary swoon and not indicative of the rest of the season.

2 Pregnant Nats out of 5.

Lack of Musical Excitement

2007-02-10T11:53:00.000-05:00

The Grammys are tomorrow night, and despite the subtitle of this blog mentioning music, I could care less about the biggest night of that industry. Why? Because music has become to fractured, crowded, and boring.

It used to be that when a big artist released an album, everyone got excited. There where lines around the block. People united to buy records. Now? With a seemingly new big release every week, records no longer have the longevity they used to. Every week has a "big star", whose album is a must have. How can there be an level of excitement, when every week is demanding your attention?

As I have mentioned before, with the influx of more and more musical genres, people's taste are becoming more refined. That refinement leads to more and more influxes of new sounds. While new is not necessarily bad, it is not good for old schoolers or for consumers who have a set of tastes that are outside "new". If you have a certain niche, and that niche is being filled, it is easy to ignore current releases because that is what the business has told you to do.

Concerts are still being sold out, some artists are still making a killing with their album sales, but I do not see the days of mega-anticipated albums returning anytime soon. I see no artist with cross-generational and cross-taste appeal of The Beatles or the early Bruce Springsteen or the influence of Led Zepplin arising anytime soon. It's a shame that the music industry has so willingly splintered itself so much that it is unable to unite anymore.

That being said, I hope Gnarls Barkley wins some awards tomorrow.

Lost: "Not in Portland" Review

2007-02-08T14:23:00.000-05:00

Lost returned from a self-imposed three month hiatus with an episode that extends the rabbit hole that is this series even deeper. The episode, and flashback, centered on an Other, Juliet. While one would think that an episode focused an Other would reveal a whole lot of the mythology, we actually learn that Juliet has not been a lifelong Other and had a life before, off the Island.

She was seemingly recruited by a front company (of Dharma? Hanso?), but she was reluctant to join them at first. Why? Many reasons: she was under the thumb of her ex-husband (whose methods were very much Ben-like), she feels obligated to take care of her sick sister (who she is trying to help impregnate, to give her a glimmer of hope), she is just a weak person previous to the Island experience. Indeed, the contrast between meek Juliet in the past and the strong-willed Juliet on the Island is striking. Lost does these character bits very well, and although they weaken as we know more and more about the character, Lost's introductions are second-to-none. Juliet was recruited by a Dr. Alpert and Ethan Rom (my favorite reoccuring character) for her fertility expertise. This gives further credence to the idea that the Others can't have children and why they kidnap them.

The present day plot picked up right where we left off before: Jack is threatening to let Ben die unless Sawyer and Kate are freed. Once Jack finds out that they are on a separate island, rather than fold, he steps up his demands. He also rats out Juliet and her plea to "accidentally" kill Ben. Ben wakes up at this point, but rather then be mad at Juliet tells her that if she complies with Jack, she, a prisoner too of the Island, can go home. In the end, Juliet has to kill an Other to fulfill Ben's wishes and is left alone with the slight hope of a return home.

We did get some myth hints in this episode, as Sawyer and Kate are helped out by Alex, Rosseau's rumored daughter and apparently Ben's "daughter". The trio saves Carl, Alex's boyfriend and intially, Sawyer's former cellmate, from what apparently is a brainwashing room. On the brainwashing screen, we see such omnious sayings as "Everything changes", "We are the cause of our own suffering" and "God loves us like God loved Jacob", Jacob being the mysterious list maker mentioned in the fall finale. What this all means is vague, but no less chilling.

This episode rekindled my love affair with Lost. I am looking forward to 15 more weeks of these sorts of episodes.

4 Buses out of 5.

Retro Movie Review: "Darkman"

2007-02-07T20:11:00.000-05:00

Sam Raimi brings a distinct style to the films he directs. From Evil Dead to Spider-Man, he has a unique vision. However, before Spider-Man, Raimi directed another suphero flick: Darkman. As the title implies, this is no ordinary superhero.

Darkman is not based on a comic, but an original creation by Raimi. Darkman, played by Liam Neeson, was scientist who was caught with some evidence against a gangster. When the gangster's goons blow up his lab, Darkman is horrible scarred. But since his research concerned fake skin, Darkman is able to disguise himself for a limited amount of time per day. He struggles to reconnect with his lost love and seek vengeance on those who destroyed him.

Raimi shows his knack for superheroes with a script that snaps and cracks with tongue-in-cheek cliches. A couple of lines are deliciously, and intentionally, cheesy. Liam Neeson plays Darkman as a cross between the Phantom of the Opera and The Punisher. Frances McDormand really doesn't add anything to the film other than Darkman's damsel in distress, but the part really wasn't written as more than that.

There are the typical Raimi cuts, with the action entering and quickly leaving frames, and the camera taking all sorts of weird angles to film. Ted Raimi, Sam's brother, has a small role in the film, as does Bruce Campbell. Even Raimi's trademark Oldsmobile shows up.

It was an entertaining movie and a must see movie if you are a Raimi fanatic.

3 1/2 Fake Noses out of 5.

"Across the Universe" Trailer

2007-02-07T09:25:00.000-05:00

I remember reading about this movie a while back. It's a musical based on The Beatles' catalogue of songs. The trailer makes it seem interesting and it looks like the characters will have names from The Beatles' songs (one is named Jude, naturally). It also looks a fantasy-based musical, in that there seems to be dream sequences that only a musical can produce. I hope to catch this movie in theaters when it comes out.

Heroes: "Distractions" Review

2007-02-06T12:53:00.000-05:00

[AE's Note: A while ago, I mentioned that I would start reviewing the new hit show Heroes, which airs on NBC. If you haven't noticed, I didn't live up to that promise. However, Gonch has taken it upon himself to review the episodes. He might not catch each episode on Mondays, but he does watch them at a later point, so the reviews might be spread out over the week. Enjoy!

Gonch here, and I hope to start another new weekly tradition (while it's on the air at least) for my reviews of my newest favorite show: Heroes. I won't recap what's happened so far in the show, there's plenty of sites for that, so let's get onto the review of a very distracting episode...oooh shiny!

There are only two truly main storylines to this week, one for Peter and and one for Claire. The show itself manages to almost always divide up well between as many characters as possible but I would say these two were the focus this week. Peter is in contact with Claude, aka Christopher Eccelston from Doctor Who's The Boss. Claude can make him and other things he touches invisible. Through most of the ep, Peter is also invisible as long as he's around Claude. He needs his help to focus his powers, otherwise he's gonna take out a nice chunk of Manhatten with him in the finale. This is done through some fun segments involving trying to steal a purse as Claude runs away and Peter tries to stay invisible, which doesn't work too well. Later Claude shows Peter what it's like when no one things you're there, as they spy on Simone and Isaac sharing a moment. Isaac himself had been looking for Peter in many many paintings (boy he's getting good at his power!) but kept finding nothing (Peter being invisible and all).

Claire on the other hand makes an attempt to find her mother in Kermit The Frog, Texas. Much to my dismay, Miss Piggy did not answer the trailer door, but her mother did. Turns out her mother can light stuff on fire. Claire is invulnerable. Claire's mother was in a fire where she thought her daughter died, yeah no coincidence there. They share their moment but Claire is lucky to be away from home. It's at this time that Sylar has escaped from Primatech Paper Prison (really need to reinforce those mache walls) where he pretended to be dead, only to trap Mr. Bennett (aka Horn Rimmed Glasses guy HRG). Sylar makes way for Claire/HRG's home, where he pretends to be an employee at Primatech. Claire's fake mom doesn't figure things are wrong until too late and she gets hurt some. Before Sylar can make his fatal mark, Bennett shows up somehow (I assume the Haitian found him there) and he takes some shots. Needless to say, Sylar gets away and Claire's fake mom is mindwiped. Claire, as always, suspects something was up.

In other stories, Hiro has no real action, but must face down George Takei, no easy task. Worse, it's his father who wants him to come home and run the business. But he convinces Captain Sulu that his sister is more worthy of that, and his mission comes first. Nikki/Jessica took out a doctor who was STUPID and got let free by Linderman's agent...only to trap Nikki in the Mirror of Doom.

The real fun at the end involves Claude tossing Peter over a building top, trying to make him fly. Instead Peter crashes onto a taxi but manages to use regeneration from Claire instead, based only his memory of her. This would not be quite as creepy except when we learn the truth. The father of Claire Bennett is none other than...dun dun duhhhhhh: Nathan Petrelli aka Flying Man.

I'm amazed at not just the plot lines (I do not think they are too slow, in fact faster moving so far than Lost) but also the consistency of the show. Sure it's just the first season but this episode gets Gonch's Gold Medal of Heroism. Keep it up, Kring.

Box Office Bombings: Box Office Breakdown 2/5/07

2007-02-05T12:40:00.000-05:00

The Oscars are approaching, but did the moviegoing public notice? It's the weekend box office, released today, Monday 2/5/07

1. The Messengers
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $14.5 million
Total Gross: $14.5 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Well I'm glad to see Epic Movie didn't manage an impossible two week run at the top. This week's #1 is none other than The Grudge 3. I mean The Messengers. In this original horror/thriller, children are the only ones who can see evil ghosts in a spooky house in the country. The ghosts themselves look nothing like the Grudge ghosts. Also, scary movies come out during this time so some people can forget about Valentine's Day and complain about movies.

2. Because I Said So
Last Week Rank: N/A
Weekend Gross: $13 million
Total Gross: $13 million
Weeks Out: 1
Musings: Finally, I've waited since my childhood for this one. I remember asking why I had to clean up my room or make my bed or take out the trash. I was told "Because I Said So", and I'm sure this film will finally clear up the meaning behind that phrase and delve deep into the psyche of the parent-child relationship. What's that? It's a Diane Keaton movie with Mandy Moore in it? Crap.

3. Epic Movie
Last Week Rank: 1st (hah I know right?)
Weekend Gross: $8.2 million
Total Gross: $29.4 million
Weeks Out: 2
Musings: Not so epic now, are we? Ok it's still way too high as in, how is this on the top ten at all? But I digress. Epic Movie is ironically a Fox movie, which while it does take a dig at X-Men, it also digs at Superman Returns. You hear that Mr. Singer? Fox is still not happy with you, in fact they even made Brett Ratner finish off your franchise just to spite you.

4. Night At The Museum
Last Week Rank: 3rd
Weekend Gross: $6.8 million
Total Gross: $225.4 million
Weeks Out: 7
Musings: Why...won't...you...die?! Seriously though, I can't believe how long this one is sticking around, not just that but I mean it's still in the top 5! How bad of a series of movie releases does it have to be that in February, a movie from December that is not even of a special quality is still around? Hannibal Rising, Ghost Rider, somebody put a stop to this madness!

5. Smokin' Aces
Last Week Rank: 2nd
Weekend Gross: $6.3 million
Total Gross: $25 million
Weeks Out: 3
Musings: I'm trying to figure out why this movie hasn't done as well as I might have thought. I mean it reminds me of films like Snatch, which was a lot of fun. Oh, wait it has Ben Affleck in it. Nevermind, case closed.

6. Stomp The Yard
Last Week Rank: 4th
Weekend Gross: $4.2 million
Total Gross: $56 million
Weeks Out: 4
Musings: Stomping is a good reason why you should try to live on the top floor of an apartment complex, believe me I know. I also realized that the title can be related to the Bears' defense, who put their foot down, but forgot to actually keep moving those feet to stop the yard gainage by the Colts. Oh, burn.

7. Dreamgirls
Last Week Rank: 6th
Weekend Gross: $4 million
Total Gross: $92.8 million
Weeks Out: 8
Musings: I know it's been out for many weeks, but with the Oscar noms, is this film more of a distraction so no one notices Norbit? The more I see commercials for that thing, the more I cringe. Did everyone seem to forget that unless Murphy is a talking CGI donkey, he hasn't had a good film in 10 years? He already came to America and traded places, I think we're done with the attempts at "comedy". It's pretty bad when his brother's stories on Chappelle's Show were more entertaining.

8. Pan's Labyrinth
Last Week Rank: 8th
Weekend Gross: $3.6 million
Total Gross: $21.7 million
Weeks Out: 6
Musings: When you think of this title, do you not instantly remember The Labyrinth from your childhood? Who can forget David Bowie or the phenomenon of contact juggling? Jim freakin' Henson people, that's where it was at. Ok, so I like a lot of the CGI stuff better anyway. What can I say, new technology rules.

9. Pursuit Of Happyness
Last Week Rank: 7th
Weekend Gross: $3.1 million
Total Gross: $157.4 million
Weeks Out: 8
Musings: We're winding down our Will Smith time, so let's have a good one, shall we? This week, I am thankful that Will Smith managed to become a summer blockbuster superstar. Why you ask? Well let's be fair, he's not a bad actor and has been in some of the more interesting summer films. Sure Independence Day was foolishly dumb at times, but he made it more watchable. Men In Black was a blast, too. Since then he's winded down, but soon, he'll be the last man alive fighting vampires in I Am Legend. And he'll be a washed up super-hero in Tonight, He Comes. The future could be bright again, Mr. Smith.

10. The Queen
Last Week Rank: 9th
Weekend Gross: $2.7 million
Total Gross: $45.5 million
Weeks Out: 19
Musings: Not to be confused with ...of the Damned, or a King of Spades or the Ace of Hearts. It's a British-y film and it's Miramax, so they basically get to pick where they want to sit for the Oscars before the nominations even came out. But this is the American cinema. We don't have time or room for classy English films. I mean, if there's no explosions or tense music or classic one-liners, how am I supposed to know when to clap/yell mindlessly at the screen?

-Gonch