Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Lost to be Canceled!

ABC quietly announced today that the hit series Lost will not have a fifth and sixth season as originally planned due to plummeting ratings. It was hoped that the move to Thursdays would help boost the faltering series, but the last three episodes before the strike-imposed break have been the lowest rated original runs in the show's history.

Lost was a huge hit when it debuted in 2004. Along with Grey's Anatomy, it helped lead ABC to the front of the ratings pack. However, after 3 and 1/2 seasons of mysteries inside of mysteries, many viewers have been left confused and subsequently, left the show. Stephen McPherson, head of ABC entertainment, had this to say, "We here at ABC love Lost, however, it is quite clear that America is no longer in love with Smokey, Jacob, and The Island. We have no choice but to pull the plug before things get too confusing. We are going to replace Lost in the short term with the new reality show Whose Eyes are Closer Together?"

Executive producer Damon Lindelof released a statement of his own: "I really enjoyed working on Lost. It has opened so many doors for me. I am now able to translate my fan fiction about Star Trek into a movie (coming out Summer 09). I never had some much fun throwing darts and writing scripts based off the position of the landing." Original creator J.J. Abrams could not be reached for comment, as he was too busy creating another show that he would leave after year two.

It was reported that upon hearing the news of the cancellation, the cast of the show, which included Matthew Fox and Terry O'Quinn, went to a local bar. The Hawaii Police is currently complaining of overcrowding of the local jail cells as the party dispersed. Jorge Garcia, who plays lovable Hurley, was not at the party, as he had already landed a role in the new Martin Scorsese picture and was in L.A. for a screentest with Leonardo DiCaprio. He is already an early favorite for the Oscars next year.

One cast member probably hit hardest by the news is Harold Perrineau. Perrineau just recently returned to the show originally leaving after Season 2. At the time, it was reported that Perrineau wanted more money. Now left with only a few episodes of work, the man who plays Michael Dawson was heard to be asking if any cities still have the need for a town cryer, hoping to parlay his skill at yelling out names into a new career. Evangeline Lilly, who plays Kate, was also seen talking on the phone about what her next career move would be: falling-from-grace starlet or another role as a corpse in a Stephen King miniseries.

As far as what is behind all the mysteries and enigmas of the show? Lindelof said this: "A wizard did it."

-Reporting by Adam Entertainment


Blogger Kat said...

Ha ha ha! April Fool's!

4:25 PM  
Blogger David McIntyre said...

That was uncool for people that didn't see a post here early on the first and thought it was posted on the second.

1:40 PM  

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